Black People : Slave Parenting? Low Expectations? Codified Ignorance and Foolishness

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Blackbird, Jan 7, 2010.

  1. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What do y'all think about it?
     
  2. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow. 27 views and no replies. Dang, I wanted people to just freestyle on it... but... since not.... here goes...

    My thoughts on it is I think Black people are still suffering from the residue and environment of slavery. I think most of us can agree on that. I hope... Maybe? (crickets chirping....)

    Well, not just that, but the residue and environment of slavery impacts every aspect of Black folks lives on a variety of levels. The machinations are very seductive and I think even those of us who believed we have overcome these challenges have another thing coming also. Which is the reason I don't like for others to lecture to me on Blackness and such or believe they have this superior position or commanding authority on "consciousness".

    We are all in the same boat -145 years ( 7 generations) up from the physical representation of slavery, trying to fully know its impact on our beings and how and why we do the things we do, as well as, grasp a better more indepth understanding of its influences and consequences. Right now, we are all reaching, struggling to make sense of everything with our limited knowledge and awareness and there is nothing wrong with that. So on we go...

    Parenting has been a very big focal point for me lately, as I try to gain a better knowledge and understanding of my personal self and understand how I developed certain debilitating behaviors that have plagued me since childhood. Essentially, parenting is what makes or breaks a child in life. Appropriate and adequate parenting will instill in a child the tools s/he needs to fully evolve into the "butterfly" they were meant to be; the child will be empowered to make changes, think rationally and reasonably, and be assertive and industrious. Inadequate or improper parenting will result in a much different child.

    That said, I think many of us inherited inadequate and improper parenting due to our ancestors' past enslavement and it is evident in how we move, interact and decide in the world. Generally, we speak and do from a position of "want" and hopelessness. On average, we interact in a submissive posture in regards to others. We determine our futures in the most irrational terms. I remember one rapper saying, "Trouble follows me everywhere I go." Why is that? When Brer Rabbit had to introduce Brer Gator to Trouble and even then Brer Gator wouldn't have found Trouble if he didn't go looking for it.

    I currently own and operate a mental health outpatient agency that provides individual and family therapy, community-based services, transitional living and hopefully, a new foster care component. The majority of my clients are Black children with serious mental and behavioral health issues. Their behaviors range anywhere from severe trust issues to sexually reactive. They came from the most part abused and neglected homes. They are used to less and have a tendency to hoard things due to the instability and uncertainty experienced in their formative years. All these kids, beautiful and bright kids, have been victims of poor or seriously negligble parenting.

    My little brother has a son with a woman. This boy is the first born of his parents. My brother went on to have other children with another woman and my nephew's mother eventually had 5 more children. One day six years ago, my nephew came over to visit my mom and later that night around 9' oclock, my wife and I went to go drop him back off at home. We went got to his house, we noticed that there were no adults and the only people in the house were children, the oldest among them being I think 7 at the time. The 7 year girl was tending to a nine month old baby. The baby was crying and the girl was clearly frustrated. We asked where her parents were and she told us her mom was gone and her dad was in the backyard. We waited for the dad to come in. While we waited, my nephew, the oldest, asked if we could get them something to eat because they didn't have any food in the home. Earlier that day, he asked my mom to cook more food so he could take some home to share with his siblings. I left briefly to go buy some food for the kids. When I got back, the father still wasn't there. We couldn't wait all night and my wife, being a social worker and a court-mandated reporter, had to do what she didn't want to do. She had to call CPS. The police and CPS came and took the kids away.

    Three days later, CPS decided to return the kids back to their parents and right before we left to go back to Vegas, my nephew's stepfather called. He was upset, threatened to either shoot or kick my wife's and my *****, and asked us why we called the "people". He said he was in the backyard the whole time we were there. He wasn't. We were at my nephew's house for 2+ hours - the only adults. My wife was especially hurt by the 7 year old girl - she was only a child but was expected to take care of a 9 month old baby. The girl was "parentified" and so was my nephew, the eldest; he was always looking out for his younger brothers and sisters in ways a 10 year old should not.

    Needless to say, CPS was called to the home about 2 years ago, for basically the same reason they were 3 years before. My dad tried to defend the mother, saying she was trying to get their lights back on. Nothing justifies that behavior. The mother is trying to get the kids back - they are currently in kinship care living with their maternal grandfather. My brother's presence in all this has been very little although he is presently married and raising 3 kids of his own with his wife - one of which is not is biological child. He is now trying to see his son more and I got to see him, my nephew, this past Thanksgiving when I went back home. My nephew, I see, is well on his way to being a product of the streets; he was very disrespectful, rejected authority, was a bully to his smaller siblings and cousins, and was cursing. He reminded me of little J-Rock from the movie "South Central."

    This is a start to what I hope will be a serious, somber and frank discussion on what I perceive is a serious problem affecting our communities and on what we can do to elevate the us to a position to be poise to seize the day and capitalize on opportunities to be all that we wish to be. Because frankly as I see it now, without any real and sustainable intervention, anything anybody does will be stifled from its true potential.

    Tuhwi
     
  3. 360

    360 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If you want my honest opinion, this is a racist thread.

    It is racist propaganda that is equal to suggestions of black pathology. It is equal to every report or "scientific" study that has ever existed which attempts to paint the black man, woman, or child as subhuman.


    Tell me something, what do you think about the pathology of "Native Americans?"
     
  4. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you 360.

    Racist it may be... to you... but when we have children out there suffering from poor parenting, real life children, you look like the racist for not acknowledging it, addressing it and finding a solution to combat future generations from experiencing it.

    Racist would be me not attributing any of this to slavery or making it seem like it is something genetic in Black folks. Not one utterance of it, doc.

    This is a serious concern of mine based on the line of work I'm in, the volunteer work I do, my past personal experiences and my understanding of the condition of the family during slavery and I was requesting for you to be serious, Black Wo/man...
     
  5. 360

    360 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The picture you paint is grossly distorted.

    It is entirely racist.

    You can't dress it up as anything, but that.

    Your comments mirror the propaganda of klansmen and nazi scientists.


    And again, what do you think about the current state of "Native Americans?" They're committing suicide in droves. They also appear to have issues with alcohol. They are also very fond of the ideology of klansmen.
     
  6. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Unfortunately, it's not.

    I just retold an actual event. Evidently you must know my nephew to know it was grossly distorted. My bad, bruh. Didn't mean to confuse you for someone who didn't know.

    Klan propaganda.... I don't know. I've never had an interest in the stuff to know what they talk about. Perhaps you can enlighten me on it since it seems to be your interest and forte.

    "Native Americans" since you are so roaring to bring them up, why in a thread not discussing them, but since you are so excited about them now have had issues with alcohol and suicide for years and, per my understanding, are developing interventions, such as "The Red Road" philosophy to address them.

    What are you doing presently to address the problems affecting our communities?

    Oh, and don't forget to distribute some of that Klan propaganda, you like so much, on Destee. I'm sure everyone will like it just as much as you do. Thanks.

    One love
    Tuhwi
     
  7. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As I sit back and reread what I posted, tell me where in my post did I paint a grossly distorted picture?

    Do parents from other ethnic groups have poor parenting skills? Yes.

    But I believe the impact of poor parenting on Black folks presents more dire consequences for us due to the current socioeconomic situtation we are faced with. Which is why I believe it is a problem we do not have the luxury to dismiss. Poor parenting creates all of the characteristics in children that will either laid them dead, in jail, in police custody, on and in the system and hoping on someone else to improve their current situation. So just the current things we have going.

    So honestly, as a Black person truly committed to the progress of Black people, can we truly afford to dismiss or minimize it's existence?

    Not my future, maybe yours.

    Tuhwi
     
  8. 360

    360 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is an absurd exchange. Absolutely absurd.

    And you are in no way committed to anything even resembling the progress of folk.

    Now enjoy your racist propaganda and continue to dehumanize black men, women, and children.
     
  9. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Couldn't answer the questions, huh. That's okay. I understand. This topic is not your interest and that's fine. Hopefully, you are doing more work in your community than talking about how others aren't. That's all I request for.

    Tuhwi
     
  10. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To the viewer,

    Disclaimer: This thread was never intended to beat down, dehumanize, denigrate or unfairly point the finger at Black folks. It was and hopefully is a start to a real discussion to the issues affecting us that oftimes do not receive just treatment. What happen to our ancestors and our people was a very painful experience and sometimes the things we need to talk about as family, problem-solvers and healers will not be of an uplifting nature. This thread is not for the faint at heart.

    We must be honest with ourselves. We have a responsibility to ourselves and no matter how we might wish to pass the buck or fault someone for our predicament at the end of the day, it is only us who must understand the problem at hand and devise ways to overcome or mitigate it. We can only truly do this by being honest.

    Through the interference of slavery, our ancestors were stripped of their families both on the continent of Africa and again on the plantations. Sometimes children. stripped at birth or an early age, were transported to other plantations and placed in "families" that may not have been the best to placed with. The slaveowners did this for numerous of reasons and sometimes to keep the world of slaves shaken up to avoid uprisings. Thus, regardless of the aim, you had some child who grew up with a sense of abandonment and "true loving parents". Alot of slave families during slavery were "stress families" and occasionally, the connections were not there in what we might see in families without the stress of hard work, low life expectancy, violence, rape, brutal humiliations and involuntary separation. Hence, the instability and uncertainty of slavery for a family forced families to respond and react ways not expected in usual circumstances. Think about it.... the peculiar institution of slavery was indeed peculiar and not a usual situation.

    Tuhwi
     
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