Black Poetry : Life At hand

rhymebad

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May 11, 2006
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Life At hand

Life is a threat that’s deep when you can’t get to sleep
It happens cats freaks while rapping so they play for keeps
Eat cake and feast it’ll make you obese if you gulp too much
In skys tall stars if all the cars were placed end to end could search
And embrace a Mercedes Benz and drive home and be out of touch
With reality and clutch the salary of a rich man just hit the lottery
Wanna do the impossible, need the true gospel, and vase made of pottery
That strongly cost and only the boss can afford it after several
Monthly payments, thrilled and mad this will add stress to a federal
Task let me grab my mask to cover my identity and discover the vicinity
Of the enemy, raging from stress and like the aging process it’s infinity
Has me in it’s grasp sometimes I wanna throw a tall snowball at yall
Got calm stats and a Tom Cat which is man’s best friend the call
Of the wild cats are a clever group they’ll never stoop for the pleasure
Of trapping a bird shucks I’m rapping words with dove wings the treasure
Of flight status, got tight apparatus and hot **** like the cockpit of an airplane
Build terrific towers with scientific powers and no doubt a gun will remain
And it can outrun any brain collided with pistols an they were like guided
Missles they threw me for a loop had to buy a new suit torn clothes undecided
Yeah home in a pearl robe and own this world globe begin the weapons because
Every ten seconds a woman give birth to a child and the earth smile with flaws
For now another will see hard times and have to deal with reatard minds the laws
Of life it raw nothing nice, I clown a lot but this madness must be founded and stopped
Too many dead beat dad that’s misled on the streets and mad welfare getting popped

http://www.network54.com/Forum/1198...+ON+B-BOYS+SUCK+STEAL+RHYMES+FROM+BLACK+FOLKS
 
on other sites have to depend on them I guess

2 Days Ago #1


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Life At hand

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Life At hand
Life is a threat that’s deep when you can’t get to sleep
It happens cats freaks while rapping so they play for keeps
Eat cake and feast it’ll make you obese if you gulp too much
In skys tall stars if all the cars were placed end to end could search
And embrace a Mercedes Benz and drive home and be out of touch
With reality and clutch the salary of a rich man just hit the lottery
Wanna do the impossible, need the true gospel, and vase made of pottery
That strongly cost and only the boss can afford it after several
Monthly payments, thrilled and mad this will add stress to a federal
Task let me grab my mask to cover my identity and discover the vicinity
Of the enemy, raging from stress and like the aging process it’s infinity
Has me in it’s grasp sometimes I wanna throw a tall snowball at yall
Got calm stats and a Tom Cat which is man’s best friend the call
Of the wild cats are a clever group they’ll never stoop for the pleasure
Of trapping a bird shucks I’m rapping words with dove wings the treasure
Of flight status, got tight apparatus and hot **** like the cockpit of an airplane
Build terrific towers with scientific powers and no doubt a gun will remain
And it can outrun any brain collided with pistols an they were like guided
Missles they threw me for a loop had to buy a new suit torn clothes undecided
Yeah home in a pearl robe and own this world globe begin the weapons because
Every ten seconds a woman give birth to a child and the earth smile with flaws
For now another will see hard times and have to deal with reatard minds the laws
Of life it raw nothing nice, I clown a lot but this madness must be founded and stopped
Too many dead beat dad that’s misled on the streets and mad welfare getting popped



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Last edited by 2 Days Ago at 10:03 PM.



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2 Days Ago #2
Nasty

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i noticed your verses always start off shorter but end up longer...doesnt mean much but is interesting...

anyways, nice piece. some lines could have been done w/o and the topic is meh but you had some ill **** in here and some dope mulits. i also could follow the flow pretty easily, this was nice stuff shaft..
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1 Day Ago #3
shaft52

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thanks nasty appreciate that



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1 Day Ago #4
Mal

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Na JK that is cool how you can write poetry like that and build it up longer and longer as you go.....cool **** here fam..... could use to up your vocab a little next time and add better metas/imagery.
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17 Hours Ago #5
shaft52

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Malevolentality thanks for the critique and props on this for real


The Following User Says Thank You to For This Useful Post: Malevolentality (14 Hours Ago)


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15 Hours Ago #6
SkyFart

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your usual deep content.. More flow and rhymin this time.. tha beginnin was hot, tha middle was aiight, tha end was decent.. BUT OVERALL A DECENT READ (Not your best, Not your worst)

AND I STILL DIG YA DELIVERY (even tho its "kinda" weird)


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2 Hours Ago #7


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skyfart thanks for the critique and props for real



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1 Hour Ago #8
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it's really different from a lot of the stuff that I've read on here, which definitely isn't a bad thing. I won't point out as many of the positives like people already have, only word of advice is to have a better sense of direction on where you're going when you're writing. At time it's seemed aimless to me, maybe rhyming words just to rhyme. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it man
 

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