Black Poetry : Life At hand

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by rhymebad, Jan 18, 2011.

  1. rhymebad

    rhymebad Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Life At hand

    Life is a threat that’s deep when you can’t get to sleep
    It happens cats freaks while rapping so they play for keeps
    Eat cake and feast it’ll make you obese if you gulp too much
    In skys tall stars if all the cars were placed end to end could search
    And embrace a Mercedes Benz and drive home and be out of touch
    With reality and clutch the salary of a rich man just hit the lottery
    Wanna do the impossible, need the true gospel, and vase made of pottery
    That strongly cost and only the boss can afford it after several
    Monthly payments, thrilled and mad this will add stress to a federal
    Task let me grab my mask to cover my identity and discover the vicinity
    Of the enemy, raging from stress and like the aging process it’s infinity
    Has me in it’s grasp sometimes I wanna throw a tall snowball at yall
    Got calm stats and a Tom Cat which is man’s best friend the call
    Of the wild cats are a clever group they’ll never stoop for the pleasure
    Of trapping a bird shucks I’m rapping words with dove wings the treasure
    Of flight status, got tight apparatus and hot **** like the cockpit of an airplane
    Build terrific towers with scientific powers and no doubt a gun will remain
    And it can outrun any brain collided with pistols an they were like guided
    Missles they threw me for a loop had to buy a new suit torn clothes undecided
    Yeah home in a pearl robe and own this world globe begin the weapons because
    Every ten seconds a woman give birth to a child and the earth smile with flaws
    For now another will see hard times and have to deal with reatard minds the laws
    Of life it raw nothing nice, I clown a lot but this madness must be founded and stopped
    Too many dead beat dad that’s misled on the streets and mad welfare getting popped

    http://www.network54.com/Forum/1198...+ON+B-BOYS+SUCK+STEAL+RHYMES+FROM+BLACK+FOLKS
     
  2. rhymebad

    rhymebad Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    on other sites have to depend on them I guess

    2 Days Ago #1


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    Life At hand

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    Life At hand
    Life is a threat that’s deep when you can’t get to sleep
    It happens cats freaks while rapping so they play for keeps
    Eat cake and feast it’ll make you obese if you gulp too much
    In skys tall stars if all the cars were placed end to end could search
    And embrace a Mercedes Benz and drive home and be out of touch
    With reality and clutch the salary of a rich man just hit the lottery
    Wanna do the impossible, need the true gospel, and vase made of pottery
    That strongly cost and only the boss can afford it after several
    Monthly payments, thrilled and mad this will add stress to a federal
    Task let me grab my mask to cover my identity and discover the vicinity
    Of the enemy, raging from stress and like the aging process it’s infinity
    Has me in it’s grasp sometimes I wanna throw a tall snowball at yall
    Got calm stats and a Tom Cat which is man’s best friend the call
    Of the wild cats are a clever group they’ll never stoop for the pleasure
    Of trapping a bird shucks I’m rapping words with dove wings the treasure
    Of flight status, got tight apparatus and hot **** like the cockpit of an airplane
    Build terrific towers with scientific powers and no doubt a gun will remain
    And it can outrun any brain collided with pistols an they were like guided
    Missles they threw me for a loop had to buy a new suit torn clothes undecided
    Yeah home in a pearl robe and own this world globe begin the weapons because
    Every ten seconds a woman give birth to a child and the earth smile with flaws
    For now another will see hard times and have to deal with reatard minds the laws
    Of life it raw nothing nice, I clown a lot but this madness must be founded and stopped
    Too many dead beat dad that’s misled on the streets and mad welfare getting popped



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Last edited by 2 Days Ago at 10:03 PM.



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    2 Days Ago #2
    Nasty

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    Re: Life At hand

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    i noticed your verses always start off shorter but end up longer...doesnt mean much but is interesting...

    anyways, nice piece. some lines could have been done w/o and the topic is meh but you had some ill **** in here and some dope mulits. i also could follow the flow pretty easily, this was nice stuff shaft..
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    1 Day Ago #3
    shaft52

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    thanks nasty appreciate that



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    1 Day Ago #4
    Mal

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    Na JK that is cool how you can write poetry like that and build it up longer and longer as you go.....cool **** here fam..... could use to up your vocab a little next time and add better metas/imagery.
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    17 Hours Ago #5
    shaft52

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    Malevolentality thanks for the critique and props on this for real


    The Following User Says Thank You to For This Useful Post: Malevolentality (14 Hours Ago)


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    15 Hours Ago #6
    SkyFart

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    Re: Life At hand

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    your usual deep content.. More flow and rhymin this time.. tha beginnin was hot, tha middle was aiight, tha end was decent.. BUT OVERALL A DECENT READ (Not your best, Not your worst)

    AND I STILL DIG YA DELIVERY (even tho its "kinda" weird)


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    skyfart thanks for the critique and props for real



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    1 Hour Ago #8
    cberry8

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    Re: Life At hand

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    it's really different from a lot of the stuff that I've read on here, which definitely isn't a bad thing. I won't point out as many of the positives like people already have, only word of advice is to have a better sense of direction on where you're going when you're writing. At time it's seemed aimless to me, maybe rhyming words just to rhyme. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it man
     
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