This is why romance is important to me: I use to equate love with romance. My mother told me one day, "Love ain't got nothing to do with feelings". I thought she was absolutely crazy....and bitter. Then, I watched her marriage and realized that she might just be telling the truth. She has been married for just over 10 years, her second marriage. Nice dude, good looking, and kind. He got his ways, and they aggravate me sometimes....but overall, I couldn't ask for a better dude for my moms. When they would have their little problems I would voice my opinion as to how I thought he was being dumb and inconsiderate. I was grown and out the house when they got married. After me voicing my opinion for a while, and her complaining, she said, "I think you taking this a bit to seriously." I asked her how else was I suppose to take it? She said, "Sweetheart, I think you are confusing love with feelings, love ain't got nothing to do with feelings". Initially, I thought that she meant that she should take whatever because she was in love. After I said this, she said I had it backwards, this is what she said....it burned a hole into my brain and I thought on it for a couple of years, " Love is what you do, not what you say. People do the best that they know how, and you should be prepared for this before you get married. Whatever you can deal with...you deal with. Whatever is a deal breaker for you, you should be prepared to leave before you get married. I ain't got no deal breakers in my marriage." After watching them, and actually paying attention to what was said and done on both parts....I realized she was right. Watching how his face lit up when we came home from shopping together, and her rushing home to get there before he left for work. Every darn week, it was the same thing...her rushing home, and him sitting in the den with that dumb look on his face talking about, "Hey, glad to see you finally made it back." I was looking at things in the wrong light. I began to learn this more in other aspects of my life.
Romance to me is the extra, but is a necessity. Nothing much, you remembering my bday, remembering my favorite restaurant. Remembering that I am uncomfortable in new situations and helping me through it. Telling me when I am wrong, in a way that I can comprehend....because you know me. Actually being able to look at me and still see the beauty that resides in me, and I am not talking about gaining 300 lbs., but getting use to me and still seeing the internal beauty, telling me I am still beautiful. Taking the time to trust me enough to tell me your thoughts, and how you feel. Not just how you feel about the relationship, but how you feel about things, everyday life. Be my friend, and allow me to be yours. Just being able to be myself. To me and my view, romance is what keeps the marriage alive. Love is good, and a necessity, but romance is extra and a necessity.
I am still working this out in my mind, trying to put two and two together. Right now, this is how I view it...and romance is a necessity.
Just my thoughts
Just my thoughts.
