Shawnswife: Girl, thanks for the laugh I really needed that. I am going to work tomorrow knowing I have love from a community of folks I never met face to face, but I know have my back. And yes I do have family support I just choose not to involve my mom and dad in the details. This is their first grandson and they are getting excited about it. They see the ultrasound pictures and are ready to meet the newest member of their family.
Black Relationships : I am angry, hurt, and dont know what to do...I need help please
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let me be the first male to say
i feel u and comfort u too i understand ya pain
no need to play in his love game don't even worry about them two just continue to love u
think for the unborn da child to be don't stress self ova he & she
surely u can come here where family will comfort u and see u through surely me and the sistas will be here for u
don't hold self in blame nor have any shame
just smile coz we care
a Queen should never have to feel dis pain lay at night
with tears /hurt and all alone soon it will change
he whom laugh first cry last
now u learn he was no hero just another zero
no need to be mad or feel blue GOD truely love u
hold faith within he forth given unto u
i'll be praying and thinking of u hope all thing work for u
soon u will fine another a true man who understand
a love so real u can feel it deep
a man to caress u when u sleep
remember we are family here come share have no fear
no u did nothing wrong we all make turns like this
he will be one u will never miss a foolish man
see he's no Father at all just another baby daddy
so forget him move right on
the love of ya child
we here we care u need any of us just call we will never
let u fall we care GOOD LUCK keep in touch
GOD bless u dear
i feel u and comfort u too i understand ya pain
no need to play in his love game don't even worry about them two just continue to love u
think for the unborn da child to be don't stress self ova he & she
surely u can come here where family will comfort u and see u through surely me and the sistas will be here for u
don't hold self in blame nor have any shame
just smile coz we care
a Queen should never have to feel dis pain lay at night
with tears /hurt and all alone soon it will change
he whom laugh first cry last
now u learn he was no hero just another zero
no need to be mad or feel blue GOD truely love u
hold faith within he forth given unto u
i'll be praying and thinking of u hope all thing work for u
soon u will fine another a true man who understand
a love so real u can feel it deep
a man to caress u when u sleep
remember we are family here come share have no fear
no u did nothing wrong we all make turns like this
he will be one u will never miss a foolish man
see he's no Father at all just another baby daddy
so forget him move right on
the love of ya child
we here we care u need any of us just call we will never
let u fall we care GOOD LUCK keep in touch
GOD bless u dear
Ned--
First let me say that I am so sorry for your pain. As man let me apologize for his acts of calculated cruelty. If you didn't still care for him I would have some "friends" of mine do somthing to him
Now, if I may add my two cents as a reformed playa myself. Maybe a little insight from this perspective will help a little...at least I hope so.
This was no accident!!! Notice I said before that this was "caculated cruelty". That is exactly what it is. He did not get with you and make you fall in love with him only to "all of a sudden" realize that he wanted to be with his wife. He knew the whole time. Now if his motive was to get a child from the deal...i don't know. But he wanted someone to lean on and take care of him while he was doing his dirt. You fit the bill. And now that you are hurt, lonely, confused, broken, and pregnant he feels he has you just where he wants you...under his thumb. See this is a power game to him. He has not considered anyone's feelings but his own. The game is to see how much he can get, how much he can control you, and how long he can do them both. I know this sweetie...because I have discussed it, planned it, and done it myself and was in the midst of 20 to 30 men whom have done the same...and the worst part (WE GOT TOGETHER OVER BEERS AND BRAGGED ABOUT OUR CONQUESTS)
I know the type and the signs...this is textbook pimpin. And do you know what the biggest contributors to pimpin are?? IN EVERY CASE...the woman feels angry because she feels like a fool...and then proceeds to try to get the man back or keep him to prove that she wasn't.
I hurt for you and as I sit here almost in tears myself because of the damage I have done, I want so badly to bear the burden of this pain for you. Since I can't, I pray that you heed these two things I am about to say.
1) You have told him to stop calling, but he KNOWS he has enough control that you will always take his calls and always let him come around because you still care for him and some part of you (even if it is a small part that you don't want to acknowledge) wants him back.
2) THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY IS YOU TAKING HIM BACK! I am not yelling but I wanted to make that clear.
The reason thats the worse thing that can happen is because people only treat you the way that you let them treat you. And if you let him come back he will then know he can do whatever he wants and still have you...because it doesn't get much worse than what he has already done. And understand...this was a plan!!! It would be different if this was a mistake and he wanted to correct it and make it up to you. This is not the case. He did this to you on purpose for his own selfish reasons. Its pimpin 101
The best thing for you to do is...CUT HIM OFF. That means completely. Monitor your calls ...and don't take his. When he comes to the door..don't let him in. IF he sees you out...keep walking. UNTIL HE GETS THE MESSEGE THAT YOU REALLY DON'T WANT OR NEED HIM HE WILL ALWAYS HAVE POWER OVER YOU. I realize this is easier said than done. I know you are hurting and don't want to be alone. But I am telling its the only to take a playas power away...cut him off. I don't propose to have all the answers, because I really don't know how you will find the strength to do this. If I were near you I would come be your strength. I would let you know that you are special (strictly platonic) and you deserve better than him. But since I am not, maybe Queen's idea about family is a good one.
Lastly...About them getting the baby. Tell them to get a grip on reality. I don't care what kind of therapy you are getting...there is no way a court is going to give a BOY who is in and out of jail and a woman who conspired to have a baby through another woman your baby!!! Wow.. are they serious? I would laugh my A** off if they said that to you in my presence. The ONLY way they would get your baby is if you had a history or record of abusing your other children...and since you don't have any....well DuUUHHHH... they will get laughed out of court. And understand this...the baby boy will not NEED his father in his life until about 2. Hopefully this will be enough time for you recover.
Again..I am truly sorry that this boy did this to you. I pray you find the wisdom to forgive him (in time) but the strength to move on. If my take on things is wrong please feel free to dismiss me as ridiculus in my effort but sincere in my wish to help.
First let me say that I am so sorry for your pain. As man let me apologize for his acts of calculated cruelty. If you didn't still care for him I would have some "friends" of mine do somthing to him
Now, if I may add my two cents as a reformed playa myself. Maybe a little insight from this perspective will help a little...at least I hope so.
This was no accident!!! Notice I said before that this was "caculated cruelty". That is exactly what it is. He did not get with you and make you fall in love with him only to "all of a sudden" realize that he wanted to be with his wife. He knew the whole time. Now if his motive was to get a child from the deal...i don't know. But he wanted someone to lean on and take care of him while he was doing his dirt. You fit the bill. And now that you are hurt, lonely, confused, broken, and pregnant he feels he has you just where he wants you...under his thumb. See this is a power game to him. He has not considered anyone's feelings but his own. The game is to see how much he can get, how much he can control you, and how long he can do them both. I know this sweetie...because I have discussed it, planned it, and done it myself and was in the midst of 20 to 30 men whom have done the same...and the worst part (WE GOT TOGETHER OVER BEERS AND BRAGGED ABOUT OUR CONQUESTS)
I know the type and the signs...this is textbook pimpin. And do you know what the biggest contributors to pimpin are?? IN EVERY CASE...the woman feels angry because she feels like a fool...and then proceeds to try to get the man back or keep him to prove that she wasn't.
I hurt for you and as I sit here almost in tears myself because of the damage I have done, I want so badly to bear the burden of this pain for you. Since I can't, I pray that you heed these two things I am about to say.
1) You have told him to stop calling, but he KNOWS he has enough control that you will always take his calls and always let him come around because you still care for him and some part of you (even if it is a small part that you don't want to acknowledge) wants him back.
2) THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY IS YOU TAKING HIM BACK! I am not yelling but I wanted to make that clear.
The reason thats the worse thing that can happen is because people only treat you the way that you let them treat you. And if you let him come back he will then know he can do whatever he wants and still have you...because it doesn't get much worse than what he has already done. And understand...this was a plan!!! It would be different if this was a mistake and he wanted to correct it and make it up to you. This is not the case. He did this to you on purpose for his own selfish reasons. Its pimpin 101
The best thing for you to do is...CUT HIM OFF. That means completely. Monitor your calls ...and don't take his. When he comes to the door..don't let him in. IF he sees you out...keep walking. UNTIL HE GETS THE MESSEGE THAT YOU REALLY DON'T WANT OR NEED HIM HE WILL ALWAYS HAVE POWER OVER YOU. I realize this is easier said than done. I know you are hurting and don't want to be alone. But I am telling its the only to take a playas power away...cut him off. I don't propose to have all the answers, because I really don't know how you will find the strength to do this. If I were near you I would come be your strength. I would let you know that you are special (strictly platonic) and you deserve better than him. But since I am not, maybe Queen's idea about family is a good one.
Lastly...About them getting the baby. Tell them to get a grip on reality. I don't care what kind of therapy you are getting...there is no way a court is going to give a BOY who is in and out of jail and a woman who conspired to have a baby through another woman your baby!!! Wow.. are they serious? I would laugh my A** off if they said that to you in my presence. The ONLY way they would get your baby is if you had a history or record of abusing your other children...and since you don't have any....well DuUUHHHH... they will get laughed out of court. And understand this...the baby boy will not NEED his father in his life until about 2. Hopefully this will be enough time for you recover.
Again..I am truly sorry that this boy did this to you. I pray you find the wisdom to forgive him (in time) but the strength to move on. If my take on things is wrong please feel free to dismiss me as ridiculus in my effort but sincere in my wish to help.
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hoping that you are at peace where ever you may be.