Black Parenting : Single parenthood, sometimes it's a choice made by the mother.

[truetothecause]

I also believe this is more common than women will admit to because no one wants to be be lectured (I told you so) when their poor choices lands them in a tough situation.

Reading this I began to wonder....Is it ALWAYS a "poor choice" for a woman to chose to have a child without the commitment of or having the man a part of the child's life:?:

I think this practice, choosing to have a child without marriage or committed relationship probably began with woman who were financially stable and able to assure the child's needs would be meant. They even had identified the male role-models who would be available to support the child.

In essence I'm thinking or knowing, choosing to be a "single mother" is NOT always a "poor choice".

Generally in their 30s and early 40s, financially secure and independent, these women are taking charge of their reproductive lives in a way that would have been unimaginable for their own mothers. And by most accounts, they’re doing rather well. In fact, one recently published study out of Israel suggests SMCs actually have a significantly higher quality of life, when looking at psychological, physical, social and cultural components, than their married counterparts.
http://www.todaysparent.com/lifeasparent/article.jsp?content=20060106_170722_5384&page=1

ummmm....I'm also thinking and wondering what if any studies have been done for children conceived via in vitro fertilization where the mother went to a sperm bank. What has the impact of that knowledge been like for the child[ren] conceived in this fashion?

I think this practice began amongst the 'upper middle class' group and folks in the 'lower class' followed suit. The statistics outlining the negative consequences are focused on what happens for those surviving in economic poverty..i.e 'lower class' when children are raised in 'single parent' homes. Even with that being the case, for all of us who were raised or raised children without the benefit of a stable two-parent family structure, can point to the benefits or positive outcomes.


M.E.

 

[blkbutterfly41]

Reading this I began to wonder....Is it ALWAYS a "poor choice" for a woman to chose to have a child without the commitment of or having the man a part of the child's life:?:

I think this practice, choosing to have a child without marriage or committed relationship probably began with woman who were financially stable and able to assure the child's needs would be meant. They even had identified the male role-models who would be available to support the child.

In essence I'm thinking or knowing, choosing to be a "single mother" is NOT always a "poor choice".


M.E.

Good day, Your always entitled to your opinion. But I grossly dissagree. Let me explain why ??

The above statement is based solely on money with the noton that money is what is needed MOST to raise children. And we are now comprehending and looking at what we are producing when these kids are raised by single mothers with the best of incomes alone.

In my humble opinion a child needs both parents actively in the childs life from birth to young adulthood. And that is vital and essential to the child of any gender.

Under certain circumstaces with extended family members as a source and when a child loses a parent through death we do the best we can.


Other then that it's every mother ( parents ) responsiblity to ensure that every chlid has assess to there father ( or mother ) unless it an endangerment issue. ( ex: drugs, safty etc ) That's part of our responsiblity as mothers. To put the childs needs FIRST and foremost.

So in short IMHO CHOOSING to be a single parent is indeed selfish and never the best choice for the child, Even if its the best choice for the mothers.

Should we put our childrens needs over ours ?? With the noton that we can do it all by ourselves something of value is suffering and most of the time it's our children. Just my POV , I hope it's worth something.

Peace

 

[panafrica]

Good day, Your always entitled to your opinion. But I grossly dissagree. Let me explain why ??

The above statement is based solely on money with the noton that money is what is needed MOST to raise children. And we are now comprehending and looking at what we are producing when these kids are raised by single mothers with the best of incomes alone.

In my humble opinion a child needs both parents actively in the childs life from birth to young adulthood. And that is vital and essential to the child of any gender.

Under certain circumstaces with extended family members as a source and when a child loses a parent through death we do the best we can.


Other then that it's every mother ( parents ) responsiblity to ensure that every chlid has assess to there father ( or mother ) unless it an endangerment issue. ( ex: drugs, safty etc ) That's part of our responsiblity as mothers. To put the childs needs FIRST and foremost.

So in short IMHO CHOOSING to be a single parent is indeed selfish and never the best choice for the child, Even if its the best choice for the mothers.

Should we put our childrens needs over ours ?? With the noton that we can do it all by ourselves something of value is suffering and most of the time it's our children. Just my POV , I hope it's worth something.

Peace

Regardless of how much money is thrown at a child or how many role models are introduced as a substitute....at some time in every child's life he/she will ask, "Where is my father?". This emotional and spiritual void will remain long after a child has stopped asking (usually to spare the mother's feelings). The two parent family is the natural environment for a child's emotional, spiritual, and economical well being. All three are equally important.

 

[$$RICH$$]

you are 100% right they will ask for the real dad / who is he and where is he !

 

[truetothecause]

Do people think there is a difference with choosing to single parent via adoption compared to either insemination or sexual interaction?

My thoughts about the "not always bad' about choosing single parenting is based on the different reasons people chose to do so. Some woman are infertile and chose adoption even tho they are not in an intimate partner relationship. Is it being 'selfish' to chose to parent in that scenario?

Some women may have lost their partner through death during her first trimester. At that point, abortion is an option so as not to bring the child in the world without their father. Many chose to keep the child anyway vowing to give the child all they have and to assure the fathers legacy is carried on.


Just for the record, I believe Black Squared original question is speaking to the woman who makes a conscious decision to become pregnant wanting only the "milk" and not the "cow". In that instance, I'd be more inclined to seek overstanding of what is driving her decision and thinking prior to assessing an opinion.

I did check further on the SMC websites and found some interesting thoughts expressed on this topic. Here is a link for any interested in learning more. http://www.singlemothersbychoice.com/newsletter.html

Finally, it stands to reason for me, that if the majority of folks believe that raising a child solo is cause for grave and ongoing problems for the child[ren] that this may explain why the world is in such the state it is. i.e the comprised moral fabric and ongoing frustration and pain people experience.

Maybe my views are colored by the fact that the majority of people I come in contact with seem to be in this state. This is based on the behaviors people engage with each other. The MORAL fabric of this nation is severely compromised and we have only to see the state of children and young folks, given the decisions they make and what those decisions are based on.


M.E.