Black Men : Interesting conversation at work last night with White Boy

[Kadijah]

If the sex wasn't good in the first place then she shouldn't have committed to the relationship or had him sticking around which was a waste of his two years. It is obvious that he was sexually attracted to her by constantly trying to get intimate with her. So its not always about what the man is doing or not doing right or wrong. She neglected him so he found another form of pleasure without going out the house and getting physically intimate with strange women or as we call it; cheating.

Unless she has another man on the side..... LIKE HE HAS OTHER SWIMSUIT MODELS ON THE SIDE.... she didn't want to sex him. She just wants his money.... and he knows it. Otherwise, why did he talk about her being scared of losing the money he made? There was no love in this relationship.

If you reread the initial post you will see that he's been trying to have sex with this woman and she's been rejecting him so I'm wondering how is this turning into him having sexual issues or hangups?

1. He pays women for their favors (if she's looking at his bankbook, so are the other swimsuit models).
2. Instead of looking for a woman to have an actual relationship with similar or complementary likes and dislikes, goals and aspirations rather than just eye candy/sex, he turned to a inanimate computer with pix flickering across the screen, to "help" him satisfy his sexual needs.

He has issues, both sexual and emotional.

He was pursuing her and she was rejecting him.

Men wanting to get into a relationship with a woman "pursue" women. According to him, they already ARE in a relationship, ergo, swimsuit model was rejecting beer belly because she didn't want him, she wanted his bank.

I'm responding to this post because there seems to be a bait and switch tactic going on and I'm not accusing you of doing as such - but I am curious as to why you are finding fault with this man when it was his woman who neglect him and not the other way around?

Ole boy's only fault is that he doesn't like women. He wants a woman for sexual gratification, and since he has to pay either way, he's opted for the purely sex for play - the computer.

Swimsuit model? She wants his wallet, not the body that goes along with it.

I'm starting to wonder if SOME of our sistas are hardwired to find fault with the man despite clear data that suggest otherwise?

The data is clear indeed. The 250 lb. super nerd with the big beer belly has multiple women who look like swimsuit models. Because they are using him for his bank, he's turned to an inaminate object (that he also has to pay) to help him fantasize to orgasm. If he'd give a woman on his own level a chance (and swimsuit model-types aren't!), maybe he'd find happiness in a decent relationship that consists of more than sex on demand.

 

[Kadijah]

I actually like what you've written and I want to focus on a point you made here which is what I left in the quote above. In the case of this white dude - he wasn't into porn, he was actually into his swimsuit model type girlfriend (you know how they like them). So his girlfriend having to develop an interest in porn shouldn't be a part of their reality had she paid attention to him sexually in the first place. Its like a drunk guy playing with his gun in the house and accidentally shoots his wife paralyzing her. He has to deal with that for the rest of their lives together. Had he been paying attention in the first place he wouldn't have to be dealing with a paralyzed wife.

To every action there is a reaction and to ever cause there is an effect. No sex led to self gratification with porn being the stimulant.

I disagree. The geek in h.s. got a degree, makes good money and now thinks he can BUY the head cheerleader's love. No......

She didn't "cause" him to turn to a computer for sex (what's he going to turn to for comfort, well, he's already got the fridge....). He turned to the computer of his own volition. Men AND women are rejected everyday. They look elsewhere for compatible S/Os, not inanimate objects for sex and NO companionship. A grown man who wasn't totally lacking self-esteem would learn from this "can't buy love" lesson and like water, seek his OWN level.... with WOMEN. Forget she "withheld" sex from him - think more along the lines of why would he even deal with a (buncha)gold-digger(s) like that???

 

[ru2religious]

Unless she has another man on the side..... LIKE HE HAS OTHER SWIMSUIT MODELS ON THE SIDE.... she didn't want to sex him. She just wants his money.... and he knows it. Otherwise, why did he talk about her being scared of losing the money he made? There was no love in this relationship.

Let me correct you here when he was talking about women that's he's been with he was saying that he had these women on the side. He was telling who he dated first, second, third ... etc ... so no he wasn't cheating on her. She just wanted his money huh ... lol - that could be it but again as I stated the guy is new - as a matter of fact the night that we met I was supposed to be training him for a new project that he was supposed to start working on. The dude I don't think has even gotten his first pay check.

When he spoke of the money this would be a new thing and yeah he's probably making more money then what he's ever made but that's beside the point. Here's the possibility, he recently revealed to her how much he's making an hour which may have changed the way she sees him but check this out. Previous to his recent employment there was no real money issue so you can't assume that it was about the money. Nevertheless, that was a good reach you made there.

1. He pays women for their favors (if she's looking at his bankbook, so are the other swimsuit models).
2. Instead of looking for a woman to have an actual relationship with similar or complementary likes and dislikes, goals and aspirations rather than just eye candy/sex, he turned to a inanimate computer with pix flickering across the screen, to "help" him satisfy his sexual needs.

Here's the thing about this guy - he's just one of those real likeable guys which draws these swimsuit model type toward his direction. The way he exposed his life to me was more of a ice breaker into communicating with me because as I said - I was tired working graveyard and I was like "I don't want anyone speaking to me; period". He used his life story to break the ice and I listen.

This guy doesn't seem like the type to just blow money on anything. He packs his lunch instead of hitting the Mexican, Italian, Chinese eating places around here like most of the exec which I work with. He doesn't appear to be one of those show boat type of guys. So I think he's being prejudged as a 'john' if you will and I don't think he is. I'm at work with him right now - 2 offices down and he's interacting with everyone - the woman love him and ate lunch with him earlier in the cafeteria. I mean he just got one of those personalities that draw women. Heck I thought he was coo - and I don't just talk to people like that - to which I don't know.

He has issues, both sexual and emotional.

Men wanting to get into a relationship with a woman "pursue" women. According to him, they already ARE in a relationship, ergo, swimsuit model was rejecting beer belly because she didn't want him, she wanted his bank.

I can't say if this is true or not - but what I can say based on this comment is that women can be so cruel when it comes to men though they are the first to get upset when a man doesn't approach them because they big as a house. While it is true that the man is about to start making some good money here at the company, he wasn't making it like that at first so why waste so much time with a as you call it beer bellly man who is broke for majority of the time?

Ole boy's only fault is that he doesn't like women. He wants a woman for sexual gratification, and since he has to pay either way, he's opted for the purely sex for play - the computer.

Mr Romantic doesn't like women? If you remember he said now she feels like she made him feel for so long. He went to porn because she was neglecting him point blank and period. Porn wasn't his first choice - his girl was his first choice so to suggest that he doesn't like women is character assassination. I don't know if you've ever seen that movie "The Other Guys" but Will Ferrell the goofy nerdy one was had all of the women drooling over him and the so-called cool guy couldn't understand it. Some men just got it like that but that doesn't mean he like women anyless because he's watching porn now.

Swimsuit model? She wants his wallet, not the body that goes along with it.

Now you've brought up swimsuit model several time through your replies to me and I've kind of sat back to see if you were going to catch what you were doing subconsciously so since you did - I will show you what your doing. If you go back to the first post of this thread where the story all begin and in the 3 paragraph you will notice that I said he started talking about his previous girlfriends. What he didn't call them were swimsuit models or anything like that. He spoke about his experiences with his ex-girlfriends and his girlfriend.

What your basing swimsuit model on is my description of the girl because she looked like someone you would see on a sports illustrated calendar. This is what I wrote and I quote:

She began to talk filthy and now I’m sitting there in total shock because I’m looking at this guy who is about 5`10, 250lb with a serious beer gut talking to some woman who seriously looked like a swimsuit model.

The data is clear indeed. The 250 lb. super nerd with the big beer belly has multiple women who look like swimsuit models. Because they are using him for his bank, he's turned to an inaminate object (that he also has to pay) to help him fantasize to orgasm. If he'd give a woman on his own level a chance (and swimsuit model-types aren't!), maybe he'd find happiness in a decent relationship that consists of more than sex on demand.

once again - you saw what you were looking to see, but you did see what was actually being said.

1.) I said swimsuit models - he didn't.
2.) He wasn't dating these woman at the same time - that was your perception.
3.) He just started this job so right when he started this job and his porn addiction his girlfriend started showing attention. He mentioned the money because he doesn't know if she's showing the attention because of the porn or the how much money is now making (which again I don't think he's even received his first check yet).
4.) You are assuming these women are not on his level - when in fact they are computer girls who work in the same industry as him and have the same likes as he do. Isn't it a little shallow to say because a woman looks a certain way that she's out of someone league?

 

[Omowale Jabali]

Here is the problem:

In the modern sense of the word "relationship", there is a phantom hyphenated prefix that is almost always left out. The prefix is "sexual-". And in a sexual-relationship, if the sex is removed, the relationship is hollowed out.

The thing is.. folks have rationalized their sexual relationships into more than what they are. It's really just sex. And all the other stuff is to facilitate the sex. And if you don't think so, just stop the sex and see what happens to the so-called "relationship".

Truth is.. the word relationship doesn't mean anything without some context. And if sex is the mainpoint, then sex is the key to holding it together.

And the same goes for other types of relationships. There are men and women whose relationship is based on children. And so the phantom hyphenated prefix for their relationship is "Parental". and that's why you'll hear folks saying, "I stayed for the kids". Take away those kids, and that relationship falls apart.

And there are two-sided relationships where one side is based on one thing.. and the other side.. another thing. Sex and Money are a familiar pair. He's with her for sex... she's with him for money.. or vice versa. His money dries up and she's audi.. her sex dries up and he's audi.. that is.. unless they have some other "relationship" between them that is strong enough to keep them together.. like a Parental-relationship.. or a Professional-relationship.. or an emotional-relationship.. in which case, they may each find other ways to satisfy the needs that are no longer being met through their relationship.

for example.. If she needs tenderness and you are no longer tender, she will either pout or find some way to compensate. like hating you.. or leaving you.. or hurtin you the way she hurts... or maybe she'll recognize that most guys are tender in the begining.. and so she'll continually search for beginings.. where he's tender and attentive.. and when that phase passes, she bounces on to the next one.. trading her sex for his temporary tenderness.

If this dude in the OP is just with her for sex, then yeah, he should be pissed that he's no longer getting sex. But it also matters why she is with him.. and if her needs are being met. he's in it for sex, so he evaluates the entire relationship through that sexual lense.. but that is really only part of the picture. He has to know whats on the other side of that coin so he can manage the constant reconciliation that must take place between the mis-matched basis of their relationship.

all of that said..

dude letting ru2religious listen to her sexual talk might just be a pre-cursor to inviting him into the fray.. if you know what I mean.

I was thinking about that, in regards to a "precursor". He probably got a thing for voyerisum. You know, that genre of interracial porn where the white girl or wife gets it on with a brother where the husband watches. He probably was trying to get you aroused to bring you into his fantasy.

 

[legit-writer]

Here is the problem:

In the modern sense of the word "relationship", there is a phantom hyphenated prefix that is almost always left out. The prefix is "sexual-". And in a sexual-relationship, if the sex is removed, the relationship is hollowed out.

The thing is.. folks have rationalized their sexual relationships into more than what they are. It's really just sex. And all the other stuff is to facilitate the sex. And if you don't think so, just stop the sex and see what happens to the so-called "relationship".

Truth is.. the word relationship doesn't mean anything without some context. And if sex is the mainpoint, then sex is the key to holding it together.

And the same goes for other types of relationships. There are men and women whose relationship is based on children. And so the phantom hyphenated prefix for their relationship is "Parental". and that's why you'll hear folks saying, "I stayed for the kids". Take away those kids, and that relationship falls apart.

And there are two-sided relationships where one side is based on one thing.. and the other side.. another thing. Sex and Money are a familiar pair. He's with her for sex... she's with him for money.. or vice versa. His money dries up and she's audi.. her sex dries up and he's audi.. that is.. unless they have some other "relationship" between them that is strong enough to keep them together.. like a Parental-relationship.. or a Professional-relationship.. or an emotional-relationship.. in which case, they may each find other ways to satisfy the needs that are no longer being met through their relationship.

for example.. If she needs tenderness and you are no longer tender, she will either pout or find some way to compensate. like hating you.. or leaving you.. or hurtin you the way she hurts... or maybe she'll recognize that most guys are tender in the begining.. and so she'll continually search for beginings.. where he's tender and attentive.. and when that phase passes, she bounces on to the next one.. trading her sex for his temporary tenderness.

If this dude in the OP is just with her for sex, then yeah, he should be pissed that he's no longer getting sex. But it also matters why she is with him.. and if her needs are being met. he's in it for sex, so he evaluates the entire relationship through that sexual lense.. but that is really only part of the picture. He has to know whats on the other side of that coin so he can manage the constant reconciliation that must take place between the mis-matched basis of their relationship.

all of that said..

dude letting ru2religious listen to her sexual talk might just be a pre-cursor to inviting him into the fray.. if you know what I mean.

well said