Black Spirituality Religion : Forgiving others, improving yourself

[cherryblossom]

Understanding Forgiveness

.....

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness is one person’s inner response to another’s perceived injustice. Reconciliation is two people coming together in mutual respect. Reconciliation requires both parties working together. Forgiveness is something that is entirely up to you. Although reconciliation may follow forgiveness, it is possible to forgive without re-establishing or continuing the relationship. The person you forgive may be deceased or no longer part of your life. You may also choose not to reconcile, perhaps because you have no reason to believe that a relationship with the other person is healthy for you.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. “Forgive and forget” seem to go together. However, the process of forgiving involves acknowledging to yourself the wrong that was done to you, reflecting on it, and deciding how you want to think about it. Focusing on forgetting a wrong might lead to denying or suppressing feelings about it, which is not the same as forgiveness. Forgiveness has taken place when you can remember the wrong that was done without feeling resentment or a desire to pursue revenge. Sometimes, after we get to this point, we may forget about some of the wrongs people have done to us. But we don’t have to forget in order to forgive.

Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing. Forgiveness does not minimize, justify, or excuse the wrong that was done. Forgiveness also does not mean denying the harm and the feelings that the injustice produced. And forgiveness does not mean putting yourself in a position to be harmed again. You can forgive someone and still take healthy steps to protect yourself, including choosing not to reconcile.

Forgiveness is not justice. It is certainly easier to forgive someone who sincerely apologizes and makes amends. However, justice—which may include acknowledgment of the wrong, apologies, punishment, restitution, or compensation—is separate from forgiveness. You may pursue your rights for justice with or without forgiving someone. And if justice is denied, you can still choose whether or not to forgive.

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/forgiveness/understanding-forgiveness

 

[Corvo]

"Forgiveness has taken place when you can remember the wrong that was done without feeling resentment or a desire to pursue revenge".

As I feel it. There is no need to hold resentment for the little things people do or commit. I hold resentment only for actions people commit with full knowledge of their actions, like mass murder, slavery and the continued oppression of people of colour. But this resentment does not cause me any discomfort. For I have not committed the evil nor will I ever reconcile it.

 

[Gracious]

Understanding Forgiveness

.....

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness is one person’s inner response to another’s perceived injustice. Reconciliation is two people coming together in mutual respect. Reconciliation requires both parties working together. Forgiveness is something that is entirely up to you. Although reconciliation may follow forgiveness, it is possible to forgive without re-establishing or continuing the relationship. The person you forgive may be deceased or no longer part of your life. You may also choose not to reconcile, perhaps because you have no reason to believe that a relationship with the other person is healthy for you.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. “Forgive and forget” seem to go together. However, the process of forgiving involves acknowledging to yourself the wrong that was done to you, reflecting on it, and deciding how you want to think about it. Focusing on forgetting a wrong might lead to denying or suppressing feelings about it, which is not the same as forgiveness. Forgiveness has taken place when you can remember the wrong that was done without feeling resentment or a desire to pursue revenge. Sometimes, after we get to this point, we may forget about some of the wrongs people have done to us. But we don’t have to forget in order to forgive.

Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing. Forgiveness does not minimize, justify, or excuse the wrong that was done. Forgiveness also does not mean denying the harm and the feelings that the injustice produced. And forgiveness does not mean putting yourself in a position to be harmed again. You can forgive someone and still take healthy steps to protect yourself, including choosing not to reconcile.

Forgiveness is not justice. It is certainly easier to forgive someone who sincerely apologizes and makes amends. However, justice—which may include acknowledgment of the wrong, apologies, punishment, restitution, or compensation—is separate from forgiveness. You may pursue your rights for justice with or without forgiving someone. And if justice is denied, you can still choose whether or not to forgive.

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/forgiveness/understanding-forgiveness

Greetings My Sister,

I’ve read that some here believe that forgiveness is emotional? And because they believe this, they’ve written that their forgiveness is contingent upon the “feelings”?

Hmmmm

… Aren’t feelings fickle? Meaning, aren’t feelings unreliable?

EXAMPLE ...

We feel this way today – wake up tomorrow & feel totally different. Sooo, if they (our feelings) are … unreliable, than how can we possibly trust them?

Perhaps … when we speak about our “feelings” concerning forgiveness, maaaaybe we're really speaking about a deeper internal connection???

Our spirit!!!

That internal barometer that warns us of danger or that strengthens us when we are weak or that directs us when we are lost.

Forgiveness is a very self-less & self-ish act … all at the same time! Involving an inner strength/maturity that few have ever experienced!

To be led to release yourself from your captor … is courageous!!! Selfish … in that YOU value your own being soooo much, that you will NOT allow another to contain or control you! Selfless … in that (once released) you can do justly to those who’ve abused you!

Not even our Messiah chose to escape the consequence of man’s law. So too, we cannot! When one unjustly deals with you … THEY (your perpetrator) are not above consequence!

Though you've chosen to release yourself from their captive snare; by spiritually letting go of that uncontrollable inward bitter burning sensation - that if left unchecked will surely causes ulcers, cancers, addictions, etc. ... in NO way excuses your perpetrator from their "JUST" desserts!!!

Forgiving your captor ... is for YOUR OWN sake!, And in NO way absolves your perpetrator from the consequences of their ill-actions towards you!

This is why I am in true agreement with what you've posted cherryblossom. Thanks!