Black Parenting : Your Child Hates Their Mother, Father, or Sibling - Would This Alarm You?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by Destee, Mar 22, 2012.

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Your Child Hates Their Mother, Father, or Sibling ... would you ...

  1. be alarmed

    4 vote(s)
    57.1%
  2. be nonchalant

    3 vote(s)
    42.9%
  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Peace and Blessings Family,

    If your child said they hated their Mother, Father, or Sibling ... would you be alarmed, or nonchalant?

    I have strong opinion regarding this ... if it were my child, i'd be very alarmed, and do all i could to turn it around.

    I'm finding that is not the opinion of everyone, so i've created a poll, to see how most of us think about this.

    For the sake of this discussion and poll ... it doesn't matter the age of the child ... they could be an adult ... it does not matter.

    If your juvenile or adult offspring said they hated you, their other parent, or their sibling, how would you respond to it?

    Please vote in the poll above and leave your comments below.

    Thanks a Bunch!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    No, it doesn't alarm me at all. I learned a while ago that "just because someone is your brother or sister doesn't necessarily make them your friend". The reason for this is because we have no choice in who our mother gives birth to and just because she gave birth does not mean that that brother or sister is going to grow up to be your friend. Furthermore, every woman giving birth and raising children doesn't make them a mother depending on ones perspective of motherhood. Me and my four brothers all grew up in the same household and yet have not seen each other in over 27 years. My sister who was born by the time I was 18 just happened to be born at a bad time in a sense. Me or my brothers haven't seen her in almost 45 years....she was just coming in the world and we were on our way out in the world.

    Now when it comes to parents, that too can become an issue. This is why I stress so much on the young because there's a lot of scars that our people have from childhood that needs healing as well. All my brothers and sister have the same father. I grew up not actually hating my step father but we didn't get along at all. I saw the difference in how I was treated compared to my brothers. I was literally the black sheep of the family in complexion being that a few of them have the complexion of Beyonce and lighter...but me and him eventually became friends when I was 27 years old...and that's only because of my own initiative. I was so confused about the way that I was being treated as a child that when I got older, I went out and actually interviewed all the people that I knew that my mother and father used to hang with when I was a child in order to gain some understanding as to why I was treated the way that I was.

    So this question that you ask is one that proves the intimate connection to the fact that we are in need of healing. Slavery gave us fragmented realities, fragmented families and fragmented relationships with each other. Our reality from slavery up until now has been the same....we been trying to heal because we obviously can not go forwards as a people until we can heal in some form or fashion from the trauma that has been passed down to us from generation to generation.
     
  3. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    LOL - just beat 'em until they love you again.
     
  4. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Alarmed

    I recall in my youth pronouncing hatred--though I don't hate anyone now--nor did I hate anyone--I think.

    But I also remember hearing others pronounce hatred for their family. It always alarmed me. Especially when it was hatred for the mother. How does anyone hate their greatest supply of love?

    Though I rarely heard of hatred for one's mother. The youth who claimed to hate his mother was abandoned by her in his childhood. Possibly for personal luxuries or something.

    Looking back--no, I still can't imagine hating one's mother.
     
  5. Feather

    Feather Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i know that sibling rivalry is a reality and as well hormones come into play, especially among boy and girl siblings. my daughter has dislike for her younger brother. they have the same father but it is just that he is younger and a boy. this i believe they will grow out of. i make sure that they help each other and we do things together because it brings them closer making them depend on one another and build trust. if they grow older and still end up that way then it just has to be; everyone doesn't always get along even family so...

    i was treated differently as well by the man that my mother was with. they were mates in high school broke up both had babies then got back together. they always ignored me; most dialogue we had was when i did something wrong. they didn't love me...and that's ok because i learned what loving myself was and how important it is.

    a lot of children these days they grow up not knowing what the true love from a mother feels like; for a mother and father to share their world and care about and for them. thus complete love a person cannot relate to most times or reciprocate this when they have their own children or they are in a relationship. some of us don't know how to accept love and recognize when we are loved. we ruin our relationships because of this.

    it pisses me off when i hear black people bad mouthing each other. black women are fat, they got attitudes etc. black men this black women that! we should be trying to help or saying a good word to let them know we care, love and want good for each other. Like Kenyatta said all of the ills we suffer stem from our families being corrupted by whites.

    I used to wonder deeply why my people behaved in such a way and it hurt. I used to feel sorry especially for drug addicts and drug dealers; how cold a heart you have to be able to sell drugs to your own family, your mother. these people in particular used to scare me.

    As I got older and understood white supremacy better i learned that it's not their fault and it is a misfortune and they still belong to my people. i may hate and disagree with their choice of living or behavior but i should have mercy in my opinion of them and how i act towards them and realize i don't know their story. people dont just malfunction like a machine. when we don't have balance sadly things fall way out of line sometimes, way out of line and it becomes a cycle often.
     
  6. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    I would be alarmed.

    Hate is a very strong word.

    Sometimes, one can "love" a relative but not "like" them very well. ---I've experienced this myself. But, "HATE?!" ---No.

    However, even those who say they "hate" someone have to work through that anger and bitterness themselves in order to overcome it and heal so they don't harm themselves emotionally for the rest of their lives.

    Children who have a dysfunctional, bitter relationship with a parent (mother or father) often do not form healthy relationships in their own lives. They do not know how to trust, to love, to befriend, etc.

    Having hard feelings toward a sibling is a bit different but is still harmful to oneself until they are able to let it go.

    When we forgive someone, it is not for the other person but for ourselves.

    I remember the scene from the movie "Antoine Fisher" when he finally found his mother, he said, "I don't hate her but if I never see her again, it alright with me."

    That was so powerfully FREEING to and for him.
     
  7. Feather

    Feather Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    in addition most children don't even understand what hate is, they're just butting heads. they dont know how to express themselves quite well and hate is what they mean as annoying or frustration imo. like kids saying i hate school, its something about school they are uncomfortable with but they cannot express themselves properly. we cannot take everything an immature child says literally
     
  8. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'd be totally alarmed by it. I wouldn't want any child of mine hating anyone at all, much less their close family.

    Hatred shows much of an unforgiving attitude for whatever one finds offense in, and that's not acceptable because we've all been offenders at some point in our lives; so I'd speak with them about it, and let them ultimately make their decision, whether to continue to hate or let it go.
     
  9. BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE

    BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Nefertum Husia Shayheh MEMBER

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    Why be alarmed about society's problem, which is reverse from our issue in the first place blaming or pointing the finger? It has been too long since all the super physical slavery even though it still exist but not to the extent as luxury is afforded as laziness if it makes any sense. The hate stems from the mother and father (to include past generations and the teachings of the mother to be with and this is an ongoing problem of not being accounted for as you do not see the animal nature taking missing all of a sudden when problems arrive, though you want to act like one of both genders so hypocrite)as they are the children and if you disagree then something is wrong with you and maybe you should check your spirituality cause you carried the seed of thought, emotion, and other bodies of existence to be begin with to include the decisions and choices made along with it. Now will anybody ever know what really goes down inside a brain of a mother and father? Nope. So altogether it is a half and half problem from society to lineage and the only way to solve it is look at your expenses and cut back on the luxury that you cannot afford. Live basic food, water and shelter and revision your family onto your homestead for better teaching and culture beginning. Use a religion suitable if you are an american psychology type or just be yourself of however you master mind your tribe to be. Once again the choice is yours so in order for your family to grow as you would like then you must ultimately have the wisdom and knowledge to know how. Don't blame the child's hatred on themselves and give whippings...blame yourself and take a long look in the mirror without defending your ignorance as usual and think forward of the future past one, two, three and more generations. Think as a real Queen and King like you are in the first place and not a employee or worker bee for a corporate society who will in the end screw you regardless. Money don't mean nothing if you ain't out of the game of money, whether just let it work for you and not you working for it. Know thyself and your children will themselves know more without assisting their awakening. Peace.

    (Diary of a Black Man: Just An Illusion) Copyright 2014
     
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