Black Relationships : Young Guys Want Intimacy As Well As SEX

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Kemetstry, Jul 25, 2014.

  1. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Teenage boys want intimacy, not just sex, survey finds
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    Small study revealed most younger males more interested in closeness, trust with a girl.
    By Amy Norton HealthDay Reporter
    [​IMG]
    (HealthDay News) -- The stereotype of the sex-crazed teenage boy may be dead wrong, according to a small study that asked boys what they really want from romantic relationships.
    In interviews with 33 boys between the ages of 14 and 16, researchers found that most said they wanted a relationship with a girl for the closeness and trust. Very few boasted about sexual conquests or saw sex as a "main goal" in starting a relationship with a girl.
    "In our culture, we have lots of assumptions about how guys behave," said lead researcher Dr. David Bell, of Columbia University Medical Center in New York City.
    "What this study tells us is young adolescents want intimacy and trust in a relationship, even though the culture is telling us they just want sex," said Bell, who reported the findings recently in the American Journal of Men's Health.
    The results are based on a small number of boys, mostly black and all recruited from an urban health clinic that serves low-income teens. But Bell said other studies have come to similar conclusions about boys from other ethnic groups -- at least those in their early teens.
    Older teenagers are a different story, research suggests. By then, young men often take on more of the stereotypical male attitudes toward women and romantic relationships.
    "Older guys tend to describe a desire to 'get as many women as they can,'" Bell said. "Our findings would suggest that maybe they weren't always like that."
    The question is, what happens as boys grow older? There were some hints from the relatively older boys in this study, Bell said. In talking about past breakups, some of the boys described "being burned" -- and then used that as an excuse to remain emotionally distant in future relationships.
    Bell said that suggests an area where boys need help: learning how to break up.
    "How do you break up 'well' and process the emotions you're feeling?" Bell said. Although this study didn't look at it, he said, it's a good bet that boys typically aren't "talking out" their feelings with friends, or even the adults in their lives.
    Another expert agreed this is an area where teenaged boys could use some guidance.
    "It is clear that most young men do want to have a healthy connection to young women. Where we go awry is in teaching them how to effectively do so," said Derrick Gordon, an assistant professor of psychology at Yale University who studies male adolescent development.
    But the boys' claims of being burned also suggest that they expect girls not to hurt them or somehow "betray" them, Gordon pointed out.
    He said young boys need to learn "what healthy relationship skills look like" -- and that includes having realistic expectations of their female partners and respecting their rights, as well as knowing how to emotionally deal with the end of a relationship.
    Alan Hilfer, a psychologist who treats behavioral and emotional issues in teenagers, said he was surprised by the openness of the boys in this study.
    It's "encouraging" that these young teens wanted emotional connection in their relationships with girls, said Hilfer, director of clinical psychology at Maimonides Medical Center in New York City.
    "Unfortunately," he added, "that does seem to fade as boys grow older, when they take on more 'macho' attitudes."
    According to Hilfer, parents can help by teaching their children the importance of respect in all relationships, including romantic ones. Maybe most important, he added, "parents need to show kids this through their own relationship, by treating each other with respect."
    Bell said that while teenage boys are infamous for keeping feelings inside, in his experience they will sometimes open up if you give them a "safe space" to do it.
    "I think we need to look at how we socialize boys to become men," Bell said. "We need to change the norm so they don't shut down emotionally."
    That, Bell added, may not only help young men develop "sustained, healthy relationships," but also boost their own well-being -- since it's known that personal relationships affect mental and physical health.




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  2. Kadijah

    Kadijah Banned MEMBER

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    I think they may have hit the nail on the head with this one. :toast:

    And there are healthy black male/female relationships out there. Unfortunately, toooo many kids, both boys AND girls, aren't exposed to them and perpetuate the dysfunction they see between the sexes around them.

    Whomp! There it is!

    Ooops! Whomped too soon! The above is the real "Whomp! There it is!" :lol:
     
  3. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Lack of parental guidance has always been the real issue





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  4. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Interesting.
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    And? :11200:





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  6. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    And, that's it. I thought it was interesting, though not very surprising.
     
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :SuN026:i'm an olde man......i want money
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2014
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I don't think any sisters will pay you. :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :lol:





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  9. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very Interesting. I wonder, though, if the reporter took note that the desire for intimacy, not just sex, also carries with age? I noticed that no one seemed to give any thought to this. Giving testimony of self, I was always a guy who wanted intimacy, not just sex, and I've been burned by females who claimed to want love and to be respected, but ended up being unloving and disrespectful, a pattern that hadn't stopped even to my marriage. The desire remains, but these days, my approach is different, and I'm a bit more distrustful, I'm sorry to say. Too many are into blame instead of being accountable for their choices, and using the blame game as a device to usher in disrespect to my side of the relationship, regardless of the fact that I've done nothing to hurt them. I won't give up hope, though.
     
  10. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    1. It is a myth that females mature quicker than males. One only has to look at the situations they end up in as proof

    2. It is also a myth that they are more intuitive. Because they cant seem to know the difference between a Mookie and a nice guy.


    In short, they have just as many faults as we do, if not more. You cant help a train wreck or damaged goods. We don't learn that until it's too late. There are good females out there who are just as jaded. Finding each other is the hard part





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