Black Jokes Humor : You Know you are A Ghetto Christian if....

Discussion in 'Black Jokes Humor' started by Azn-Sunshine, May 7, 2003.

  1. Azn-Sunshine

    Azn-Sunshine Member MEMBER

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    You lie on an application to get a job and then get up and testify that "God made a way out of no way!"
    You get mad at a visitor and call them out for sitting in YOUR seat.
    You tell the preacher to baptize you from the neck down because you just got your hair done!
    You take 2 hours to get ready for church, get there late, and leave early!
    You open your Bible and you cough from the dust that flies out.
    Your wedding song is 'Secret Lovers'.
    You say aliens abducted you, but the Lord set you free.
    You do not lift your hand during worship because your acrylic nail is broken.
    The only time you like to sing in the choir is when they let you sing "your" song.
    You do not tithe because you say, "the preacher might be crooked and stealing the Lord's money, so I don't want to give it to him"
    After you've done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don't repent but say, "Well the Lord knows my heart."
    You have ever said, "show me in the Bible where it says, thou shall not smoke".
    Your favorite part of the service is the benediction.
    Your pickup line to all the single women in church is "the Bible says, greet one another with a holy kiss".
    You thought "the Gospel" was a concert.
    You overheard someone say, "We got fed today at service" and you asked if they served chicken.
    You think "The Trinity" is a new female gospel group.
    You just got finished smoking on the outside of the church and then try to lead a song, get choked up, holding your throat and say to the congregation,
    "The devil don't want me to sing this song."
    The only scripture you know is, "Jesus wept."
    You know you attend a ghetto church when they stop worship to announce someone parked in the pastor's spot and they are currently being towed.
     
  2. poeticdelight

    poeticdelight Member MEMBER

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    girl you are too funny

    you got me right here

    "You think "The Trinity" is a new female gospel group."

    there is a group called Trinitee 5:7 though just to let you
    know :lol: but yeah you got me

    peace

    well done :)
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    hahahahahahahahaha!!!
    tyte
    rockin da funny bone
     
  4. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    lol! good ones azn
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    dis one still gets me tickled .............hahahahahaha!
     
  6. Pharaoh Jahil

    Pharaoh Jahil Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LOL, I guess I have alot of ghetto christians in my family than.
     
  7. LURK

    LURK Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    TRU TRU!!!!I REMEMBER ALL THA TYIME THEY USE TO ANNOUNCE MY POPS CAR DOUBLE PARKED AND ABOUT TO BE TOWED!!!THATS TOO FUNNY..
     
  8. DreamFunk

    DreamFunk Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hahahahah!!!!....let me add some more:


    ...You've ever been anointed with Wesson cooking oil.
    ...Your church has a Hip-Hop choir.
    ...While at the annual Bar-B-Que cookout, the deacon reads verses from Leviticus, but skips over the part about not eating pork.
    ...You ever said you were "thuggin for the Lord".
    ...Your pastor use to be a 'pimp', 'mack', or 'hustler'.
    ...You got a bible open in the living room, but you don't know what it's open to (it's just there for decoration).
    ...You have a "What Would Jesus Do?" braclet around your wrist, a joint to your lips, a 'house arrest' braclet around your ankle, and you're 5 miles away from home after curfew.
    ...You ever wore to church the same thing that you had on the night before at the club.
    ...You own a platinum cross, but you dont own a bible.....bling bling!!!!!!!!!!
     
  9. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very Funny

    :spinstar: :spinstar: :spinstar:
    three stars
     
  10. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :)

    hahahahahahahhah!!!!!!!
     
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