Black Short Stories : You can't be a dog if ya bark ain't right(Short skit comedy)

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by DeepSistaSoul, Apr 1, 2002.

  1. DeepSistaSoul

    DeepSistaSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It was saturday night and just like any other eligible young black man I was doin' my thang in tha club wit my boys. I was dressed to kill, had been looking for that special honey to take home for the night, when my ex girl Kesha can bustin' in. She shashayed over her black velvety dress hugging all her curves. she looked at me and rolled her eyes like I had **** on me or something. "*****," She snapped "trick," I huffed at her. My boys laughed like crazy at my side. Kesha was mad because I had broke things off with her, when I found out she had gained some extra weight. and It wasn't from eating donuts. She was two months pregnant and claimed the baby was mine, but like I always say I know what my **** does. Come to find out she had been messin' with some ***** from the eastside, I had to drop homegirl, I wasn't about to be nobody's stepdaddy. She still claim the kid is mine, but fact is test says different. She even curse the people out who gave us the test, sayin' the test was wrong, and all that other crap. she just knew I was gone be a sucker and take her in----well not Marlon Magee. "yo man what's wrong wit ya ho," Primo laughed. 'Man shut up ***** you always got somein' stupid to say, at least my ho ain't preganant.... again"
    "For the fourth time,"Cleveland finished my senence.
    we both laughed, Primo didn't even smile.
    "Man what I told ya'll bout that ****, I told ya'll the first two ain't mine," He pouted.
    "***** please the first one got yo onion head, and ya big *** feet, you can't deny it," Juan chimed in from the bar.
    Juan handed us our drinks, I sipped mine somewhat, but no buzz occured. I was back to scanning the room for honey's when I saw something that turned my stomach inside out. Big Liz was comin' my way, her breast and stomach squeezed into a halter top.
    "Oh ****, Marlon here come ya sumo *****," Cleveland laughed.
    Now don't get me wrong I love a woman with meat on her bones, but Liz was no exception. She had been after me since elementary, and she was the same size then.
    "Ha Ha *****, funny." I looked around for a place to duck to. Unfourtunatley the dance floor was packed, and I couldn't get through. all I could do was pray fast and hard. I grabbed a girl who was on the floor dancing by herself, and pretended to be dancing with her. The girl looked at me funny, and jerked away. "I'll call you," I said. Liz was behind me already, I could feel her breathing on my fade. my boys laughed in a corner by the bar, but wasn't **** funny to me. "****," I said out loud. "Hey Merlin,"She boomed. "I turned around to face my fear. "It's Marlon---damnnnnnnn." I couldn't believe it. I put my drink down. A slim girl who's body was banging from head to her perfectly manicured toes stepped from behind who I though was Liz. baby girls lips soft lookig, and her bootie rounded like a peach. "Do I know you," I reached for her hand and gave it a kiss. "Mer--Marlon It's me Liz, boy you got a bad memory," All I could do was look over at my boys who had drool coming out the side of they big mouths. I looked to the left of her where the girl I thought was her stood. "Oh Marlon this is my little sister Shirely, she just turned eighteen and all, so I'm showing her the routine," Liz smiled. "Forgive me if I seemed rude, but what happened to you---I mean ummm," I stuttered. "It's alright, I know what you mean. Let's just say somebody helped me along," she said. A tall dark brother who looked like he had stepped off the set of the young and the restless, stepped up and put his arms around her waist. He kissed her gently on the lips. "Marlon, this is Chavelle, my fiancee," She smiled and looked into his eyes. "what up playa," Was all I could say. **** I couldn't believe what was happening, all these years I had been doggin' Liz out, straight clowing her, and now baby girl was bangin' and I was left on her x list. "Well Marlon, later, just though I would stop and say hi, so hi." She walked off, leaving my tounge on her Red slinky dress. I turned to my boys who were obviously feeling the same as I was. Juan rushed over to me. "Yo kid did you peep that, look like big liz ain't so big no more." He shok his head.
    "Yeah baby is fine as hell now,"Cleveland said.
    It was time for me to bounce I didn't even feel like findin' a freak to get my freak on with, I was in shock. I shouted my fellas a holla, and headed to my car. Now I ain't never been the type to worship material things, but my CL500 Benz was sittin' on two flats, busted winsheild, with the bumper on top of the trunk. See right about now I was hysterical. I ran up to my car and ran all around, ****. I knew nobody but kesha had done the damage, and I was up the where ever with her antics.My boys were already gone home so I was stuck in the middle of town my ride ****ed up, and a buzz that had plunged hours back. I wasn't about to call a cab this time of night, the cabbies were just as bad as the robbers and, freaks. I had no other choice, I had to call My friend Mya. Now Mya I knew would rub it all in my face, she had warned me about kesha, but I just had to have all that ghetto bootie. One blessing for the night was Mya was at home, and she said she would be right over, but right over to her meant an hour. I sat on my batterd up car, for two hours in front of the club, everybody was already leaving, and the sun was starting to come up. Mya's Jeep came speeding down the parking lit. She threw it in park and climbed out. "oooooooo ya **** ****ed up," She said. I looked up at her unconcerned and angry. "Come on let's here it," She said. "Hear what,' I said sourly. "Mya you were right, Mya I was wrong. Mya I am a dog." She bursted into laughter. "Haha funny, can I please just go home." I said. "Yeah yeah yeah," She climbed into the driver's side. In the Jeep on our way to my apartment, mya looked up side my head and started laughing. "What the hell is so funny," I asked I wasn't in the mood for her charades. "You," The car swerved off the road, "**** whi ya laughing watch the ******* road. "Anyways,you know something marlon?" She asked. "Nope," I said flatly. "Well I'ma tell you then," She said "Do what cha do," I said sarcastically looking out the window. "You try to be somethin' you ain't, you just a small time city boy, who don't know the first thing about being no playa." she letured. "Who said I was being a playa, or trying---whatever man." I said. " you can get mad all you want but one day you gone get the short end of the stick." I'm thinking to myself If she knew how my stick felt right now she would shut the hell up. She came to a stop in the front of my building. I started to climb out. "oh and marlon, remember this------," She said I stood by listening. "You can't be a dog if ya bark ain't right," She said. Mya though just because she was going to school for psychology she knew everything. I looked at her crazy and walked up the path to my building. I went up on the elevator, I usually took the stairs for excersise but not tonight. When I got to my door I noticed something in the front of my door. It looked like a basket the ones they use to put bread in. But bread dosen't cry now do it. I unwrapped the blanket, and revealed a baby and a note.
    Here are the results ***** the first test was wrong, so until you see how it feels to take care of dominique monique shantell Johnson Davis, and take care of yo responsibilities she stays with you
    kesha.
    Now I know I was dreamin, I looked at the numbers on the door. it was my place, and I couldn't leave it out in the cold, so I took her and the bag that came with her in. I was either gona faint or die one before today was over with. I checked my answering machine. I had 10 messages from some females I had let taste the joint, and 2 from Kesha laughing in the phone. The last one was what made me go off fa real. It was my boss, I was late for work. What the **** was a ***** to do. I had a baby, a crazy *** ex, about to loose my job, and Big Liz wasn't big no mo. You know what **** it, I'm going to see If I can wake up, if I don't my black *** Is in some deep boo boo.

    To be countinued
     
  2. DeepSistaSoul

    DeepSistaSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome welcome welcome !!!!!!!

    sho ya right !! as i welcome ya upon da story flow of Destee's
    place as u vibe in scribe to a beat ......dis here was tyght.
    welcome:jumping: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :jumping:
     
  4. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :wave: Hello Deepsista.
    Welcome to the family :)

    I got into your story.
    It's an enjoyable read.
    I will try to wait patiently for part 2.
    Hurry! :jumping: hurry! :jumping: :)


    Poetically Turn'd Out!
    CCBSKYN :heart:
     
  5. DeepSistaSoul

    DeepSistaSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks coco and part two is coming really soon who knows might be a part three.

    Peace deepsistasoul
     
  6. DeepSistaSoul

    DeepSistaSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Part II

    well It's eight o'clock and I ain't woke my dumb *** up yet. I don't know thing one about takin' care of no kid, and as fa changin' a diaper hell naw. Once again Mya had to come to my rescue like she had done in college, elementary, and high school. "Ha Ha Ha,"Mya belted into the phone. "A baby that ***** left you a baby, now I done left ****** a lot of ****---but baby," She laughed. "could you stop laughing....."I almost begged. She calmed down. "Whew, look you know I been savin' yo *** since pre-school, and now this....man I tell you." "Alright I'll be there, but you owe me double *****," She said. The phone went dead in my hand. I couldn't get the baby to stop crying, and was happy when Mya knocked on the door I quickly let her in. I hugged her before I knew one thing. I knew I looked like hell too, My shirt was on inside out then backwards, My boxers were ridin' up, and My waves were now naps. "**** ***** you look like a wino, she turned her nose up, smell like one too," she remarked. I didn't even pay her comments any attention I was so glad to see her. The baby was still in the basket crying. Mya slung her purse on the couch and kneeled down at the basket. "Awwww, you so precious, hey girl, hey," She cooed over the baby. The baby automatically stopped crying when Mya picked her up. Now I ain't never been one of them soft ******, but for some strange reason, when I saw mya holding that baby, I had mad love for her. She looked so delicate, and so **** fine. Mya was caramel skinned, with pretty almond shaped tea colored eyes, and pretty pouty bubble gum colored lips. She was about five-five and the knee boots she was wearing did nothing but work for her ***. her hair was all natural as well, no fakeness at all. I would love to run my fingers throught her hair. Wait a minute I'm trippin' Mya was my friend and friends don't let friend bone-------do they. "What the hell is wrong with you Mar,"Mya asked. I didn't realize I was staring at her. I shook it off, You think that you can stay here until I go take care of some business." I asked hopefully. Mya was still cooing at the baby. "Yeah sure take your time she said. "oh and I'm gone need the keys to ya jeep,"I went in the bathroom and shut the door before mya could object. "What you mean you need the keys to my jeep, and where the hell you going-----Marlon I know you hear me Marlon," I turned up the water on the shower, and mimicked her. **** it was sunday, and I had a feelin' I needed to be at church, cause only thing that could help me now was prayer.

    To be continued
     
  7. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Girl ya wrong!
    That was just a tease.

    I love the name Marlon. :)

    " I knew I looked like hell too,
    My shirt was on inside out then backwards,
    My boxers were ridin' up,
    and My waves were now naps.
    "**** ***** you look like a wino,
    she turned her nose up, smell like one too," :laugh:
    That was funna

    Come on wit pt. 3 :D

    Poetically Turn'd Out!
    CCBSKYN :heart:
     
  8. DeepSistaSoul

    DeepSistaSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you girl and part three gonna hit the site soon.

    Deepsistasoul,
    One:cool:
     
  9. DeepSistaSoul

    DeepSistaSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Part III

    I finally got my **** together, and once more was that debonair clean cut, chocolate brother. I finally got Mya to stop yappin' her mouth, and got the keys to her jeep. Now I had bigger problems to deal with and I do mean big. "Marlon this is the third time this week you have either called in or been late, I'm sorry, but here at Ladrone Industries punctuality is the key to success," my boss Don sat up straight at his desk. Here I was again finding myself in the spot. Now don't ask why, maybe it was the stress I was going through, but I reached dead over homeboys desk and socked him one good. He gripped his nose. "You know what **** this job and you too punk, I don't need yo sorry white ***. oh yeah FYI you can have you can mail me my check, or I'ma invite you ta dinner," I shouted. "Dinner,"He wiped blood from his nose. "Yeah we havin' whoop *** soup," I went out and slammed the door. Eager eyes watched me closely, as I stormed out the exit. I jumped into the jeep, and turned the radio up to the max, all I wanted to do was drown the world out. I stopped at the corner store for a pack of cigarettes. I had dropped the habit a year back, but today I was pickin' it back up. Like I said today wasn't my day, and in three seconds I was about to find out. Tasha the young chick I had hit and quit came through the door. She was accompaned by a big black ***** with a head that looked like a deformed milk dud. My jaws must have dropped to the floor, cause I couldn't move. The Big black ***** went to the back of the store which gave tasha her chance to come over. "Well, well, well If It ain't underdog," Tasha walked behind me. "Good to see you too Tasha,"I turned to face her. "Don't play yaself ***** you know you still want to taste this prime *****," She slapped her front. "Ha Ha, You ain't changed a bit, still livin' in ya little fairy tales," I laughed. The Big ***** stepped up from the back. "Hey Tasha who the **** is that," He rushed over. "***** didn't I tell you I got a man," Tasha tried to front on me. I looked at her like the crazy ***** she was. "He botherin' you baby," The dude stepped up rubbin' his knuckles. I don't know what he was gone do with those, but I was about to use my high school track skills. Tasha hugged up on him, like she was scared or somethin'. "I told him to leave me alone, but he grabbed me, and made me stay" She looked at me with a evil grin. The red light in homeboys eye told me one thing 'run *****'. All I know is I chucked for the entranced, But home boy had grabbed me already, and slugged me in the eye. and grinded his knee into my jewels. Eye all swollen up and my jewels throbbin' I drove home **** no need to run into anybody else I knew----right.
     
  10. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is good and funny.
    You definitely know how
    to hold the reader's interest.
    I'm ready for more. :)

    Scribeallaboutgirl!

    Poetically Turn'd Out!
    CCBSKY :heart:
     
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