Black Women : You are Pregnant and He Wants DNA Tests

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by Destee, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,782
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680
    Peace and Blessings Sisters,

    I was wondering ... if you were pregnant ... married or not ... and you told "the Father of your unborn child" ... that "yall" were expecting a baby ... and he immediately (or eventually) asked for DNA tests, proving that fact ... what would be your response?

    Would you offer to pay for the tests, easing his fears and concerns?

    Would you welcome him to pay for it?

    Would you be happy, angry, sad, understanding, or ready to stab him?

    What would be your response, and why?

    You don't gotta pick those above ... they're just examples ... :)

    Is there a "right way" for a Brother to ask for DNA tests? If so, how?

    Brothers ... of course you all are welcome to share your thoughts too ... :)

    Thanks in advance Family ... :grouphug:

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    100
    Occupation:
    HR/Finance
    Ratings:
    +103
    I would not hesitate - and I wouldn't be mad about it. In fact, I believe it should be a standard procedure - I believe it should be compulsory for all babies born out of wedlock, to protect the legal rights of the child should the couples relationship dissolve. If my relationship was steady and a baby welcome, I'd wait until the baby is born - if not, I'd go for in-utero (CVS) testing which can be done during the second trimester (but more $$) - and I'd pay for it if he refused, because I'd expect child support to start at birth and my cost will be reimbursed. ;)

    Paternity Fraud is at an all time high, and the TRUTH is only one person can be 100% sure of the child's paternity. One of the first things ppl do when they hear about being pregnant is count back in time to discover where they were at conception :lol:

    I would not hesitate to take a test because I'd know the results thus I would not be fearful. I would want my partner to be fully committed as soon as possible without any niggling of doubt. I think it is his right to be 100% sure, and I will not let my personal feelings rob the man of a simple truth, which he may need. On bad days, I dont want him to be looking at the baby trying to find his families features in it :lol: I also think that by hesitating to agree, one is simply adding fuel to the fire and raises only more doubt.

    I imagine many women would feel as if their morals and integrity are being questioned - but most of us would be lying if we did not question our partners (even silently) at one point or another. I would not want any unhealthy, sub-conscious thoughts to hinder the development of what should be a wondrous bonding of father and child - no matter how small.

    Again, paternity fraud is on the rise - fathers being held legally responsible for children they have been misled into believing are theirs. I think fathers should have the right to ask for paternity testing. We often speak about fathers and their responsibilities, but when it comes to rights they are often getting the short end of the stick - rights and responsibilities should go hand in hand.

    Regarding the costs - Paternity testing can be pretty cheap these days.. can be done for around $100.


    that's my $0.02
    :heart:
     
  3. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2008
    Messages:
    952
    Likes Received:
    69
    Occupation:
    child care provider
    Location:
    eartH (Heart) is my home
    Ratings:
    +73
    It depends

    on the circumstances; if the child was a "surprise" from an intermittent affair, then yes I would have no problem with allowing the test; and both parties could split the cost.

    On the other hand, in my personal situation we had planned the pregnancy, I told him when I was fertile to conceive and we went for it. In the years we were together I had no indiscretions or other indications of an outside lover, so had he turned and asked me for a DNA test I would have felt well.... :flamet: no need to go there really.... :em2300:

    If a couple is married or have been together, and the wife is loyal, I see no reason to ask for a DNA test, it's rather an insinuation in many respects.

    However, I also will be raising a boy child, and I want him to protect himself by first not having unprotected sex, especially with a womban he hasn't made any commitments to, and secondly knowing which responsibilities are his and handling them. So, I can empathsize with the need for these services as well.

    How do you go about asking? I think it's a topic that ought to be brought up in a neutral zone, with a planned approach, and definately in person. However, pregnancy hormones may be quite volatile, so I might consider a place where you have privacy and offers some discretion should she become emotional.

    It's kind of like a pre-nup, is there ever really a great way to ask someone for it?
     
  4. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    100
    Occupation:
    HR/Finance
    Ratings:
    +103
    Yes - the easiest way to ask is: to understand & agree on the process BEFORE it gets that far :lol: In a sexual relationship both parties should know how the other feels about potential pregnancies and it should be re-discussed in line with how the relationship develops. The whole "what if" conversation should include talk about paternity testing.
     
  5. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    856
    Likes Received:
    6
    Ratings:
    +6
    If you get down like that





    Then i get it. Me? I dont. However you make some good points. But are we talking about commitedr elationships here? Cause if we are, then I for one would END it right there. now i am speaking from a brothers standpoint. If my Women even has to ask.... then someone else is firing the gun. :) Also, I have never had to and would never have to ask. I choose real careful.
     
  6. BlackMamba

    BlackMamba Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    1
    Ratings:
    +1
    If my fiance asked me to get a DNA test, I would be offended. I would comply with his request, but I would be offended. I feel that the request in itself is an attack on my character. As I said, I would willingly honor his request, but I don't know if I could or would be able to forgive him for it.
     
  7. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,782
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680
    Sister Zulile ... this is a very pro-active, admirable, logical, cerebral position to take, with the Sister insisting on providing DNA for all the reasons you've outlined above ... but i'm wondering ... did you actually do this ... provide DNA results to your child(ren)'s Father, without him even asking ... or are you advocating this for others, not having done it yourself?

    You make the distinction above ... "out of wedlock" ... why the distinction?

    Does a marriage license guarantee paternity? Is paternity fraud unheard of, within marriages?

    Is a married woman beyond having multiple sex partners, and therefore, exempt from all concerns mentioned above?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  8. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2001
    Messages:
    7,648
    Likes Received:
    40
    Occupation:
    thrivin' spiritually/physically/emotionally/financ
    Location:
    where failure is not an option
    Ratings:
    +42
    you seem to base this on a 1977 conscience

    this is 2009 and nobody can trust nobody not even their ownselves

    you've never watched Maury?

    watch Maury and you'll see why DNA is needed

    yea she "said" you're the daddy but do you really know?

    yea she said you hurt her feeling but it's the state of the world we live in

    today

    nowadays you just can't say "you're the daddy" now we have proof

    P.S. if i have to get a DNA test then i don't need to be having a baby by you
     
  9. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,782
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680
    Brother DSS ... your commentary above, seems kinda contradictory ... ??

    You say it's 2009, and you can't trust anyone ... yet ... if you need a DNA test, you don't need her to have your baby?

    Which is it ... do you need a DNA test ... or do you trust her?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  10. Prizmm

    Prizmm Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2007
    Messages:
    373
    Likes Received:
    21
    Occupation:
    Becoming Universal
    Location:
    eastside
    Ratings:
    +22
    This isn't funny, but Bro. Soja, I got tears in my eyes you got me laughing so hard. Maury has done a job and is still doing a job on us. Yes on off days I have on occasion seen the mess he calls a tv program. Whew! If we ride the ' it takes a village' concept to a logical conclusion the test shouldn't be necessary. Still sis Zulile makes a great point. Peace!
     
Loading...