Black Parenting : You act just like your no good daddy.....

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by info-moetry, Jan 13, 2011.

  1. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    I heard this the other day as a black woman was scolding her son on line in front of me and it brought back memories, as i heard the same thing a couple of times from my mother when i was younger. Problem was that at that time i had only seen my father maybe once or twice (i was about 9), so my response was "well at least now i know something about him". Of course i was being a wise @-s, but the only time i ever heard the guy mentioned is when i was apparently "acting up", so i was left confused.



    Do you think this statement helps, hurts, or just confuses a male child? Especially, if the child has never met his father....

    I've NEVER heard a father tell his daughter that she is acting just like her no good mother.
     
  2. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can't think of one single instance in how a comment like this can be anything but destructive and debilitating.
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Great Topic Brother Info ... :toast:

    I think it's a terrible thing for a parent to say to a child ... and yes ... i've heard Fathers say the same about Mothers. It's probably not as prevalent as Mothers saying it though, for it's more likely that the Mother has primary care of the child ... many times the Father isn't even in the child's life ... so there is less opportunity for the Father to do the same ... but it does happen.

    Many Sisters are simply overwhelmed raising children alone, feeling abandoned, with a very great task before them. Oftentimes there is much anger within them, for this circumstance, and unfortunately it oozes out, in word and deed. There are many ways this anger, disappointment, hopelessness, overwhelming anxiety, manifests itself. This is just one of them.

    What folk may not be aware of, is that even when the custodial parent doesn't SAY these things out loud ... but only THINKS them in their mind and heart ... the child can still feel it, be aware of it, and internalize it. Giving the child to believe that they are no good, a failure, a disappointment, even before their life is started good.

    The key is not to have any of that stuff in us, as parents, and that is difficult to do ... but possible ... for the sake of the child.

    Parents MUST love all aspects of their child, including who they chose to create the child with.

    Anything less ... and the child will see and/or feel it ... and it can become a stumbling block for them.

    Brother Info ... this is some very personal stuff to share regarding your Mother. I know you love her, and no doubt understand her frrustration in that moment, that it was not really directed at you ... not really meant to discourage or dishearten you ... but her plate and no doubt heart, was full.

    Thanks for Sharing.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well just because u haven't heard it doesn't mean it's not being said....

    I've heard guys tell their daughter's that they are acting just like their mother...

    I've also had a conversation where the dad and I were talking and he would say my daughter is turning out to act like her (cuss words) mama...

    I do believe it hurts the child to say something like that if the other parent is actually not around.

    As much as I don't care for my daughter's dad (on my own personal level), I don't say anything about it to her...This can create low-self esteem in a child...

    HOWEVER, I believe him and his wife are putting things in her own ear about me...Cause my daughter has confronted me with crazy talk that she said her step mom and dad said about me to her....And then I have to try and go back and clean up the mess that they left in her mind....

    I don't know if this is something she just said and made up, but I try and believe my daughter as much as possible...She one day asked me "Do you love me, daddy says you don't"....then she was like "When am I going to live with you, daddy says I'm never going to live with you..."

    Now my child is doing bad in school and not socializing and I know where and why it is happening...

    So please, spare me with this whole us women are doing this mind damage thing...

    There is not just 1 person in the equation....This is why I despise topics like this....It's not fair to just single out one parent seeing how there were in cases like this two people involved...
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    If you don't care for her Father, she can feel that, even if you never say it.

    Children are much more aware than we give them credit for.

    I know it's hard to do ... LOVE HIM ... but to not do it, suggests that you don't love a PART of her ... for a part of HIM ... is HER.

    They are not easily separated, no matter how good we think we are, at doing it.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The only reason why she knows that is cause he called the cops..in front of her on me

    thanks

    I say NOTHING and if I do I tell her good things about him....

    And saying I don't care for him is not saying I don't like him or hate him....

    I don't care for him as FOR myself personally...like I said
     
  7. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister ... this is not about him, and what he has done ... it's about you ... and what you feel about him.

    If it's in you ... ugly, negative, diminishing thoughts of him ... it's gonna come out.

    What is in, comes out ... sooner or later. It's probably a law of nature, like what goes up must come down, or sump'n.

    For you to think that you can have something like this in you ... dislike, no care or concern for her Father ... in you ... and it not come out in some way, form, or fashion that she can see ... is naive.

    It's coming out, if it's in you ... so the thing to do ... is to have love for him in you ... so that is all that can possibly come out ... for her sake.

    You have no control over what he says or does, all you can do is give your Daughter a sincerely loving environment and foundation to love those things she comes from ... which includes her Father.

    Even if he doesn't do the same ... you're still required to do it ... if you want to give her the best you can.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  8. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Actually, it's about both of us...Like I said it takes two to make a child

    See you're trying to act as if you know the situation when you don't

    I haven't told you everything

    I didn't tell you how my daughter cried to me in church and told me she wanted to come live with me and didn't want to go with her dad

    The only wrong I've done was gave him custody...

    But I won't keep going cause you don't seem to understand and I'm not here to try to make you understand I have to go to work...So I can pay my child support for a child I can't see when I want
     
  9. acitizen

    acitizen Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you act just like...

    haha,this is something that black women have on lockdown,like the rolling of the eyes[i've only seen black women do this].
     
  10. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey there sis Destee. Where is this pic taken, in a classroom. Are you a teacher ;)

    You look like a cuzn of mine, we might me be fam. I got roots right next to you in Miss.
     
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