Health and Wellness : Would You Want Your Incurable Medical Diagnosis Hid From You?

Discussion in 'Black Health and Wellness' started by Destee, Mar 11, 2013.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Peace and Blessings Family,

    I just read where Valerie Harper's husband hid her incurable medical diagnosis from her.

    How would you feel if your spouse, significant other, etc., hid such a thing from you?

    Is this even legal? How can the doctors tell her husband and not tell her?

    Is this business as usual ... keeping an adult patient in the dark?

    Whatcha think?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    It seems that in this instance, maybe the husband felt that telling her would do more harm than good. Sometimes knowing can speed up the end result, or cause major depression and other deadly symptoms that not knowing at all wouldn't cause.....

    just :thinking:
     
  3. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    The doctors told the husband first. He couldn't speak on it, initially.

    Then, the doctors told her.



     
  4. Enki

    Enki The Evolved Amphibian STAFF

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    Oooo..Goog question...

    Going on my personal experience, dishonesty is often borne from compassion and genuine concern. It's hard to quantify the significant of hope to the ill, as was the case with my niece that died from cancer at the age of 17. But at some point being more positive than was needed was, IMO the best course of action because it made no difference in the treatment or the outcome.

    Peace!
     
  5. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    In this instance, i don't think the husband was being 'dishonest' though.

    .........hold on, i have to go look up the word 'quantify' . BrB

    ok, i'm back.

    We must remember that it is highly likely that the husband, upon hearing the news from the Dr. was highly upset and more than likely distrought over finding out about her condition as well. It was also 'news' to him. He probably went somewhere, like a bathroom in the hospital or wherever he was when he first heard about it and cried out loud, looking up towards the ceiling screaming out WHY!!

    It's not exact the same situation, but i'm reminded of when my son was born and his mother was getting a C-section. While the doctors are there talking about sports, laughing and joking with each other, there i am sitting next to her looking inside of her belly as one of the nurses asks her if she wants some more demoral and she nods yes, exitedly while holding my hands. After a while, as the doctors are still snipping and cutting to get to my son she looks up at me and asks 'WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO ME'? At this point is where, like the husband you have to ask yourself is the truth going to help or hurt your mate?
     
  6. Enki

    Enki The Evolved Amphibian STAFF

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    I agree, also this is no easy choice to make. I still think back on decisions and paths I took to get her well, wondering if i made the right choice. I remember asking the head doctor if this could have been different if it was caught early. She was dealing with this pain for about a year before I took custody of her. He told me that it would not have mattered, somethings start out bad. I always wondered if he said that just to spare me the guilt?

    You're right, it's not the exact same situation, but your devotion to your wife is no different. What ever you felt at that moment, you went through the same process that he did, and I did to give your queen an answer that would help her in her time of need. We seem to have this enigmatic urge for the truth, funny how that urge goes away when it's our love one. I became a pathological liar, I remember I and the doctor down playing what we saw on the x-rays. What good would it have served is what he and I would always say.

    Good looking out for your Queen bruh!!!!!

    Peace!
     
  7. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    No doubt, cause i was lying my @ss off! She was looking dead at me trying to read my face as her belly was split wide open, as the doctor says out loud to her 'ok, you're going to feel some tugging now'....the he reaches in, about up to his elbows and pulls out this 8 pd 11oz fella and she still talking to me not realizing the young god was here....
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    I'm surprised at yall's responses. I understand the compassion of a spouse, loved one, ect., needing time to take in the information ... but that's absolutely secondary in my opinion ... to the patient being delivered their own diagnosis first. Of course, if she were in a coma, unconscious, not physically able to hear and process the information ... or a minor even ... then yes, someone else is told first, someone else makes the decision of when, where, how, etc. ... but that's not the impression i get from the article, or her physical condition given that she's on all the talk shows right now talking about it, trying to be positive, alert, aware, and able to clearly make decisions for herself.

    She was denied knowing as soon as possible. We don't know how long he "hid" it from her, and that is the exact word she's quoted using ... it's clear that the doctors told her husband before they told her ... and he had the opportunity to mull it around inside himself, before they told her ... it wasn't even the husband that told her ... the doctors told her ... they just didn't tell her first.

    I don't see this as a call a doctor should make ... if a conscious, alert, grown woman is able to handle the news of her possible demise ... before someone else has that information. In fact, short of a medical power of attorney or some such carrying on, it would seem they are in violation of her medical privacy.

    I don't know how long it was "hid" from her, but given her very positive attitude being displayed now, it's probably safe to say that she could have had some amount of time to be positive about it when she did not know she even should / could be. She might kooda started the aggressive therapy to fight it sooner, had she known, but that option was taken from her. She might kooda did a lot of things, given the amount of time that elapsed without her knowing, had she known.

    I just don't see this as someone else's call to make and i think the doctors did her an injustice.

    I'd not want others to know before me, if i'm right there looking in the doctor's face.

    Of course the Family, her husband is distraught ... everyone would be distraught under like circumstances ... but that is all secondary to the patient's right to know their own medical diagnosis first, and deal with all the distraught stuff that is to come in a manner that they see fit for their life. She may have wanted to "hide" it from him, the Family, out of concern for how they'd take it ... and she did not even have that option, to protect them.

    I'm surprised at yall's response ... i take it that you'd be okay if the doctors told "your loved ones" before they told you.

    Thanks for responding.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. Enki

    Enki The Evolved Amphibian STAFF

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    I think you are missing the point Sista, there was no hope for her. So should she live her remaining days in sorrow, or delight? With my niece, she knew she was sick and her chances was low, she spent the last week and a half sedated, then she passed. But she had no idea tumors were showing up in most of her organs. Now what good would that have served, would it have changed her outcome? I've worked in a hospital before, and people change, (in the worst way at times) when they get the news they are going to die.

    Peace!
     
  10. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    ok, i didn't read the article and thought that you initially said that the HUSBAND hid it from her, as if after the doctor told him, the husband was susposed to tell his wife or something.

    I mean, depending on the mind set of the doctor who knows why he told the husband first. Maybe he does that with all of his patients who have serious illnesses. Maybe the wife was sleep when he came to see her and the husband was all he had to talk to? Don't know, but i see your point about giving her a chance to start the therapy sooner.

    Like i said, i was in a similar postion and i chose to 'keep it from her' because i didn't want to cause her to panic and try to move or anything whil they were cutting and snipping away.

    You never know how people will react to any type of news, especially life threatening.....I had no idea either that she was going on tv shows telling her story.

    Is she mad at her husband and are they still together? Has he spoken out about WHY he didn't initially tell her when he found out?

    :10500:
     
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