Black Relationships : Would you personally continue dealing with a person who....

legit-writer

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Dec 12, 2002
1,532
1,182
Unless you change your energy, he's in control of the relationship...meaning that if there is to be pain involved, you'll feel it first...meaning that you have placed more value on the relationship than he did. Just my POV
youre right. i have realized that he is showing signs of insecurity and want control and that if i am not available when HE wants me to be, then he can go about things the way he has gone about them, so yeap as i already know, i am a grown woman, not a teenager, so as i've said earlier, my question was answered i guess. if i am a grown woman, i do not need to deal with someone like that. i have done something about that. i just was baffled at first but it was cleared up.
 

MimiBelle

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Dec 13, 2010
417
416
Texas...for now.
Occupation
RN-BSN
intentionally ignores your calls and messages all because you did not get their messages due to you being sleep and by the time you wake up, they have already said they have left for the day, so you go and do what you gotta do for the day also. When you tell them they were being childish by intentionally ignoring your calls, they say that they were only reacting.. well i just had that happen to me not long ago. he ignored my calls on purpose all because i was sleep half the day yesterday and by the time I woke up, he was already in church and my friends were getting ready to pick me up and we were out all day basically. no phone, no anything because my phone was dead. he said he tried to hit me up on the computer and i have explained to him numerous times I am not always at the computer, and that i do have a life outside the house. all he said was "it is what it is" and he comes off like he was right for how what he calls "reacted"... I am just curious to know if you have ever been in a situation like this, and if so, is this a considered as a red flag to just no longer correspond with them?
'Is this a redflag'?
*shrug*
I don't know. He's passive-aggressive and annoying.
...but it's your tolerance level. These are your boundaries.
So, you ask yourself --> Have they been breached? Have you had enough? Is the situation tolerable?
Does he offer more than a headache...?
*shrug*

You know what to do from here, I'm sure.

**************

If it were me? I'd date others. If he calls, he calls.
The point is: Who cares? *laugh*

Beauty is a strength and femininity...? POWER.
...and there are entirely TOO many freakin' men on this planet to be dealing with knuckleheads, idiots and controlling, passive aggressive b/s. I'm speaking very generally on this, but I have no idea why some women like to place every last one of their eggs in a single basket.

When I was single, I was dating some guy who acted similarly. The old, 'I only want to be available when I need you"?
Yeah. *laugh*
So, it was Friday. I called twice around 730p. Didn't pick up.
Well, I wanted to go out. Tried to debate whether I should call up my female friends to go to the club or a male friend...and one of my male friends called. "Want to go somewhere?"
MIMI --> Yay!
We went out to Chili's, then to the club. Had a ball.

So, the guy in question called LATE that night. 3:00 am. He never called that late and despite my liquor induced state, I had it within me to be mildly insulted at the implications. *laugh*
I also didn't pick up b/c I was at iHop and DRUNK...and trying to eat! *laugh*
He called again. An hour later. I didn't pick up b/c I was sleepy and I didn't feel like talking. Plus, my friend was staying over and I didn't want to force him to drive home. That's rude.
So, he called the next morning at 1000. I didn't pick up b/c -- again, I didn't feel like talking.

I got around to returning his phone-call at 2:00 pm.
Small-talk. Asked why I didn't pick up. Told him that I didn't 'feel like talking.'
Then he was asking where I was the night before. Told him the truth. Then, he asked whether I'd gone out with a male or a female. Told him that I'd gone out with a man. He hit the ceiling.
I let him blow off steam. The entire time, I'm thinking, "Really...? Is it that serious...?" <- A second later, I said so. *laugh*
'He's just a friend." ...and he was.

Then, he said something like, "...well, you don't even to call me no m/fin' mo'!" Was about to hang up on me and I piped up.
"...who you talking to? I have better things to do than sit around waiting for you to decide to not be busy. You called me at 200 and 300 o'clock in the morning...and I'm supposed to do what? It ain't EVEN that d*mned serious and...I don't do 'booty calls'. It's beneath me and...just so we're clear? I'm not about to be traipsing up and down the city at your beck 'n call like I got a 'We Deliver' sign stuck to my forehead...'k? I went out with a friend because you weren't available. And? He's a friend. The situation is, whatever the *bleep* I say it is. I have no reason to lie...and I sure hell as don't have to lie you. Who the hell are you 'sposed to be? You ain't my man. We are not together. I'll do whatever I please...."

That simmered him down. I dont' know why he didn't fight more.... I think we went out that night. Well, anyway...we talked but I don't think we saw each other too much after that. He just kind of fell off the radar after that.
 

MsVeraisblessed

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jan 30, 2012
1,386
1,144
i'm agreeing with everyone. I'd keep it moving..No time to be worrying bout what he feels bout why you ignored his calls. You have way better things to do with your time. Keep ignoring him. as a matter of fact erase his number, address, face, voice..everythang....:D
 

Kemetstry

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Feb 19, 2001
26,556
7,277
Detroit
Occupation
Chemist
Once you have explained what happened, it's time to let it go.




..
 

Kemetstry

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Feb 19, 2001
26,556
7,277
Detroit
Occupation
Chemist

Destee

destee.com
STAFF
Jan 22, 2001
35,786
9,621
betwixt and between
destee.com
Occupation
Website Consultant
intentionally ignores your calls and messages all because you did not get their messages due to you being sleep and by the time you wake up, they have already said they have left for the day, so you go and do what you gotta do for the day also. When you tell them they were being childish by intentionally ignoring your calls, they say that they were only reacting.. well i just had that happen to me not long ago. he ignored my calls on purpose all because i was sleep half the day yesterday and by the time I woke up, he was already in church and my friends were getting ready to pick me up and we were out all day basically. no phone, no anything because my phone was dead. he said he tried to hit me up on the computer and i have explained to him numerous times I am not always at the computer, and that i do have a life outside the house. all he said was "it is what it is" and he comes off like he was right for how what he calls "reacted"... I am just curious to know if you have ever been in a situation like this, and if so, is this a considered as a red flag to just no longer correspond with them?

I agree with Sister Mimi ... it really does boil down to your tolerance level.

If you can deal with this kind of behavior, then all flags are go, but if you can't ... :look:

Everyone can't take the same stuff. What's a walk in the park for one, is a nightmare for another.

Good Luck ... on whatever you decide.

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

Chevron Dove

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
May 7, 2009
6,393
2,760
intentionally ignores your calls and messages all because you did not get their messages due to you being sleep and by the time you wake up, they have already said they have left for the day, so you go and do what you gotta do for the day also. When you tell them they were being childish by intentionally ignoring your calls, they say that they were only reacting.. well i just had that happen to me not long ago. he ignored my calls on purpose all because i was sleep half the day yesterday and by the time I woke up, he was already in church and my friends were getting ready to pick me up and we were out all day basically. no phone, no anything because my phone was dead. he said he tried to hit me up on the computer and i have explained to him numerous times I am not always at the computer, and that i do have a life outside the house. all he said was "it is what it is" and he comes off like he was right for how what he calls "reacted"... I am just curious to know if you have ever been in a situation like this, and if so, is this a considered as a red flag to just no longer correspond with them?
No, I would not give up on him this soon. I would still give it some time. I agree with Bro Jamesfrmphilly that it is childish and he is just too grown for this but still, it shouldn't disqualify him altogether this soon. My first reaction after thinking that it's childish is that I think he's playing some kind of control 'I don't want to say game but, issue. I think maybe he might have been hurt in a previous relationship and he is testing you. But another issue that is really on my mind is that he may have some false preconception about a man's role versus a woman's role in a relationship and he has been made to think that he should have this kind of 'male dominance' control over you to the point where when he request for your time, you should respond promptly, even if it is to tell him, 'you can't speak right now because you are sleeping'... I don't think you should push him away if he decides to still pursue you, but just don't feed into it all. Don't give it any fire, just ignore it and still give him an opportunity to relate to you. If he is insecure, after awhile, he will open up and tell you this and then you can be firm and tell him how you feel.

I don't think you should shut the door on him right now. i mean, yes, he sounds alittle dominant and controlling right now but, at least he doesn't sound like a punk. I couldn't handle a man that's too dominant, but I can't handle a punk neither.
 

Omowale Jabali

The Cosmic Journeyman
MEMBER
Sep 29, 2005
21,130
9,465
Temple of Kali, Yubaland
Occupation
Creative Industrialist
intentionally ignores your calls and messages all because you did not get their messages due to you being sleep and by the time you wake up, they have already said they have left for the day, so you go and do what you gotta do for the day also. When you tell them they were being childish by intentionally ignoring your calls, they say that they were only reacting.. well i just had that happen to me not long ago. he ignored my calls on purpose all because i was sleep half the day yesterday and by the time I woke up, he was already in church and my friends were getting ready to pick me up and we were out all day basically. no phone, no anything because my phone was dead. he said he tried to hit me up on the computer and i have explained to him numerous times I am not always at the computer, and that i do have a life outside the house. all he said was "it is what it is" and he comes off like he was right for how what he calls "reacted"... I am just curious to know if you have ever been in a situation like this, and if so, is this a considered as a red flag to just no longer correspond with them?

As he told you,

It is what it is.

Therefore, don't try to make more out of it than that. He also told you that he was reacting. Recognize the brother has faults and keep things in the right perspective.
 

spicybrown

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Oct 21, 2005
4,201
119
He seems insecure and controlling... with too much time on his hands. Him ignoring you is hisway of telling you to get in line (his line) or else, no convo for you. Nip it in the bud or just move on.
 

Consciousness Raising Online!

Allow the N Word - yes or no?

  • yes

    Votes: 2 14.3%
  • no

    Votes: 6 42.9%
  • not sure

    Votes: 6 42.9%

Latest profile posts

"And I'm feeling good."-Nina Simone
Destee wrote on Angela22's profile.
Hi Sweetie Pie Honey Bunch!!!! ... :dance4: ... Welcome Home! So good to have your sweet Spirit in the house! ... YAAAAAAY USSSSS! ... :yaay: :yaay: :swings: ... :heart:
Angela22 wrote on Enki's profile.
I hope all is well with you. Much love.:love:
Destee wrote on Charles Thompson's profile.
Hi Chuck ... is that you?!!! ... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! ... :yaay: ... I sure hope so! I have thought of you often! If it is not you, sorry for writing on your profile page @Charles Thompson and Welcome! ... :wave:
Destee wrote on MANASIAC's profile.
WooooHoooo!!! ... :yaay: :yaay: :yaay: .... Welcome Home! ... :wave: ... :heart:
Top