Black Relationships : Would you leave your child for a (man/ woman)?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by krazelyricks, Aug 22, 2004.

  1. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have a very close friend who resents her mother for leaving her to be with a man she has only known for three months. She talks to herself constantly and on some nights she even knowingly cuts herself. She is in constantly dismay and I can't say I blame her. She loves her mother with all her heart and she thought her mother loved with the same love. However, how can one say that her mother love's her too when she left her for a man? My friend says she is not even sure that she loves this man either. She thinks she is only with him to get money. He's a doctor. He won't let her stay with them. She won't even let her mother talk to her. Isn't this wrong? How can a man be so devious? Anyway, the girl now stays with her grandmother who is on her dying bed. Her mother does not even know she's dying because she even lost ties to her too. She fears that she will have no where else to go if her grandmother dies. She will be forced to go to foster care. She's younger than me. I'm like her mentor. I would help her but I'm not 18 yet. I can't. She hates her mother because she left her. Do you think she is right to (resent/hate) her mother? Do you think that the mother was right to put her with her grandmother and break all ties? Would you have done it? I want to know what you think on this topic because this is very sincere to my heart. Also do you know of any ways I could help her find a family before sending her to foster care with the state because I really do want to help her.
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i was abandoned by my mother and left with my grandmother.
    she died when i was 17 and i hit the streets.
    i was a male and times were different then, i would not advise it for a girl today.

    my advice is to FORGET the mother.
    let it go.
    the more she thinks about the mother, the more pain she will have.
    that's the way it was with me.
    the mother is sick and she is actually better to be rid of her.

    i think the girl should put ALL her energy into survival.
    don't worry about the mother, spend her time coming up with a plan to make it.
    are there other family members?
    are there other responsible adults around?

    as a last resort, go to the legal system.
    this man can not legally deny the child support.
    get an legal aide attorney and sue his *** for support.

    go to the church and ask for help.
    find someone who will fight for you.
     
  3. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Actually, there are NO other responsible adults. Her grandmother is the last relative she has. She has no one else. I feel really bad for her. This is the kind of stuff most people only hear about in movies. I neva thought I would meet someone like that for real. I didn't grow up in the best of living conditions but I did have a stable family. My mama took me after my grandmother died. It was hard for her but she still took me in. My friend doesn't even have that. I wish I could help her but I don't know what to do.
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    then she must go to the legal system.
    she is a child and can sue for support i think.
     
  5. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is really unfortunate. You didn't indicate how old the young lady is, however, I agree with James. She must forget the mother. The mother has chosen her priorities, the wrong one, but she did choose it. She is out for self. Every woman is not fit to be a mother. Some are just equipt to give birth. Its admirable that she has you to talk to and support her. I wish you the best of luck with this. Please keep us posted.
     
  6. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I would leave them kids for a happy meal from mcdonalds, so I say yes!
     
  7. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a rotten situation.

    That mother should NEVER be foriven in this life time. She made her decsion and should be told exactly where to go if she comes to her daughter years down the line begging for a relationship. This reinforces my thoughts that alot of people need to seriously leave the parenthood thing alone. So many are completely unfit for the job.

    I feel for your freind. If ever I had a family member or young freind of the family in that situation, I would either take them in or find a relative of mine to take them in. You are a great friend to her for looking out, but are right in that you gotta be legally an adult to do anything about it.
     
  8. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I feel for your friend deeply...and she needs your support so stick in there with her let her know she is gone be ok....which i am sure you have....i hope all turn out well for your friend.

    the question would i leave my kids for a man.....i am a package deal!!!!
    you want momma you get the kids too.....no love is that great in my eyes to hang my kids out like that....no way no how hecky NO!!...he can just gone on bout himself!!!

    Peace
    Angel
     
  9. MississippiRed

    MississippiRed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I would only leave my kids in death and even then I will still be with them...never leave my kids man..I'd kill and die for mine....some parents are just bad man..my birth parents weren't cut out to be parents and my adoptive mother wasn't ready to be a mother, we still have some issues on that one but you'll love them but gotta cut them lose, grieving over live parents because they dont' want you will only make you a bitter bitter person and I know because I am a bitter angry man..tell her to let it go while she's young then just get out and do the best she can with what she got..if she's your potna then you have to...have to help her as much as you can ..it's devastating knowing that your mother and father don't want you completely devastating....
    Mississippi Red

    I am a cockroach and I will be henh...just survive baby.... :smokin:
     
  10. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good responses so far. I was reading an article the other day on a similar situation but they only told the person to seek theraphy. Why should the person grieving be the only one seeking consoling? Shouldn't the mother be too, whenever someone talks to her? No only her but the stepfather from hell too?

    I have been by my friend's side since she was left with her grandmother. It has only been recent that she has had the nerve to open up with me and tell me how she feels about it (i.e a few months ago). She tries to be strong but every time she gets down about it she cuts herself. I can't in my brightest day figure out why though and she can't either. She said it just takes her mind away from the pain inside her......the hurt and torture of knowing her mother doesn't want her.

    She recently told me that when her mother left her with her grandmother it was a last minute thing, meaning, she didn't even leave her with any clothes. All the clothes she had since she's been with her grandmother has been bought from her grandma.

    I really feel for her. Well especially since she's twelve and at this age you're being molded into the person you're going to be when you grow up. I fear that if this problem isn't fixed soon then we will just have another troubled youth on our hands and well, I won't stand for it. I will sneek her into my basement and care for her like a mama before I let that happen. That's just how much I don't want this kind of thing to happen to her. I been there, where I had to sleep on the streets just because no one was at home and I don't want her to be like that because while I was out there I saw some terrible things. Things that a child my age shouldn't have seen. So, you understand why I have to help her, right??

    Most of the times I keep her between helping her check on her grandma. I even took her on the road with me for two weeks just so she could be from that atmosphere. We have grown close (I call her my lil' cuz) and I just don't want to lose her to the state........I just don't.
     
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