Black Relationships : Women who pick up alot of weight after marriage.


Well-Known Member
Jan 22, 2004
jgyknowledge said:
I think its a sign of pure laziness to let yourself get completely out of shape.
Yes, key word "completely". No one is talking about a few pounds here and there. But when you're considered "fat", that's a problem. I think people are trying to blur the lines between gaining a few pounds and being fat, because it's relieves the women of any responsibility. Why don't women want to be held accountable for allowing themselves to get fat? Everyone is giving them a pass in order to prove their love and it's rediculous. It has nothing to do with love.


Feb 26, 2005
kente417mojo said:
I think it's selfish for a woman to get fat period. A man should not be in the position where he wants to leave because she never should have let herself go in the first place. So women don't need to put the blame on him, because if she cared about herself, his feelings and desires, and the feelings of her kids (who do get made fun of due to mom being fat) she wouldn't be in that position. Also, she wouldn't have to make such a hard adjustment if she would have simply acknowledged the signs before her weight got out of control. Again, fat does not sneak up on you. You have to ignore it, and then you get fat. What fat people are doing is expecting everyone else to adjust to them, instead of making an effort.

"And there are plenty of single women that are overweight and still have trouble losing it."

That's why they are still single. Like I said, most men don't want a fat woman. If they have a choice, most will walk on by or simply be your friend. This is why it's not fair to marry someone and then get fat, because if they had a choice, they probably would have never married you.

Like I said, I think it's sad that women think that since it's so hard to lose the wiehgt, it's not worth it or neccessary unless it's for herself. That's extremely selfish to let herself go and then refuse to try because it's "too hard". It's hard for people to stop doing drugs, smoking, alcohol and a host of other things, but I'm sure you don't feel the same about those issues. It's the same thing. If it's affecting your family life (and being fat does whether women want to believe it or not) you need to do something about it. Maybe that's one of the reasons marriages fail, because people refuse to do things to improve it unless it's easy. Being fat is not desirable. No man wants a fat wife if he has the choice.
If a woman is not doing it for herself and being forced to, more than likely she will turn to unhealthy alternatives to lose it. Or the depression might cause her to eat more.

And fat does not affect a family the same way as drugs and alcohol unless again the woman is going to die. If you're fat and you have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. you're going to have to do something to just live, and you're going to have to do it healthy. And if you are morbidly obese then you have a chance of dying literally at any moment.

As far as kids being teased, that shows a lack of hometraining teasing about a kid's mother. But if it wasn't that it would be something else... I was teased as a little girl because I wore my hair in braids! My brother was teased because he was handicapped. Kids teasing shows problems with their own self-esteem, not the fault of another person.


Well-Known Member
May 14, 2005
kente417mojo said:
Not true. It's a matter of respect. Why is it that when a woman makes a decision to lose weight, everyone cheers her on and high-fives her. Because they knew the decision was probably long overdue and they're happy she's finally getting off her butt and doing something about the problem. Yet, everyone expects a man to just shut up and deal with it even though it may be affecting him?
Well, I would encourage her because I know her life has been a kinda nightmare and I'd be happy that she's about to end her nightmare.

Honestly, I think that if weight was an issue with me, I'd find the man who would just accept me as I was since some men like that are out there. I definitely couldn't put up with put-downs from a man who I've given my all to and now he's ready to trade me in Oh Nooooo!!

As a matter of fact, this is one of those questions that maybe women and men need to discuss before marriage because it's become such a big issue and neither knows how much weight they're going to gain in the future. I can imagine how either spouse would feel after children, a mortgage, and other sacrifices and investments in the marriage for the other one to say, "I'm gon trade you in because I wanted a slimmer person."

He might not realize but he wouldn't be safe in the house anymore after he said that to me. LOL!! Not Kidding though.


Well-Known Member
Sep 10, 2004
If you would accept a man that became obese its because you've been brainwashed. In the past women would just have to accept a man getting fat, becaues she had few viable options. Its a new day and age and I'm not understanding why you would sit by and let someone gorge themselves to the point of obesity.

I also don't understand why you're arguing soo passionately about the acceptance of just "letting yourself go". That is not a healthy mindstate. You don't think someone just getting obese is not going to affect the marriage? The obese spouse doesn't want to do anything, because they're too fat to do it. What about sex? Woman are already self-conscioius about their I couldn't imagine. You can't play with your kids, because you're just too tired. There are many effects to obesity on your lifestyle.

You say you wouldn't be concerned, but let your s/o become obese and you'll be singing a different tune.

I just want you to explain why its ok, to let yourself go.

Riada said:
Men and women are SO different. I would love a man I'm committed to even if he was obese and I would stick by him because I would be in love with his mind, spirit, and heart primarily. Those are the parts of him that I'd be committed to. Sounds like from this discussion that a big part of a typical man's commitment is to a woman's "body."That is so scary!!

I would be concerned about his weight IF it's a health issue. Other than that I would adapt to his obese body.


going above and beyond
Jun 18, 2004
north philly ghetto
retired computer geek
fruits, grains, nuts and vegetables........

if the woman is fat that means she is not healthy.
it means she is not fulfilling her traditional role of knowing about food and preparing the food.
it means she cannot feed her family correct if she cannot feed herself correct.

you can eat a lettuce and tomato salad until you are stuffed and not gain weight.
if you eat fruits, nuts grans & vegetables you can eat as much as you like and lose weight and have more energy and be more healthy. what's not to like?
drink plenty of water.
i keep a bowl of fruits and a container of nuts on my counter. if i feel hungry i just eat.
if i go to the mall i can get a side salad + a snapple and eat for under $4. what's not to like?

i do not own a car so i walk every where i go.

i know two sisters who live in the same house. one has a car and the other has a bicycle.
the one with the bicycle is slim and the one with the car is fat.
none of this is rocket science.

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