Black Poetry : Without You

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Euphoria, Mar 27, 2003.

  1. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Just thought I try a style really different from how I normally write and see what you all think.


    Without You

    I rouse myself from dreams,
    flicker the remnants of sleep from my eyes.
    If I lay here,
    completely still,
    I can pretend you are still asleep beside me.
    I smell your aftershave on your cold, cold pillow.

    Glancing at the dresser I notice,
    the blood roses you bought me only four days ago.
    Imagining I hear the shower running,
    I pretend you are here.
    Making my way to the kitchen,
    I smell Saturday fried breakfast.
    Then I glimpse the sympathy cards
    and am slapped by the loss of you.

    I cannot comprehend how I'll make it
    through your funeral today.
    Perhaps I can pretend you're beside me,
    and that we are not really there.
    I don't even notice my tears
    until I see a splash in my coffee.
    But I'm not really here.
    I am in bed with you.

    Giggling and laughing,
    relishing in the delight of simply being us.
    Making plans for our eternity's,
    imagining us, grey and wrinkled.
    Planning every minute detail,
    of dreams yet to come.
    Yet at the sam time,
    living in the warmth of each other.
    You were more than half of me;
    you were all my emtions,
    all of my making.
    Now I am left,
    cold and deserted
    to face
    the prison of my memories,
    without you.



    27/3/03

    *Emma*
     
  2. alter

    alter Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    very poignant..heartfelt. this piece can speak to all readers, because it is something that we all have, or will, experience, no doubt. sober drop, poet.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i def can relate i've sat their i know of dis so well
    i felt it deep within me knowing i'm captured
    weepin' da poet's vision i can't forget ............
    very well scribed
     
  4. Dee

    Dee Active Member MEMBER

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    That was sooo heartfelt that I have tears in my eyes right now! :crying: Group hug!:grouphug:
     
  5. elayne.

    elayne. Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    emma.


    whether you know it or not (& i'm sure you do :wink: )...
    this is some wonderful work, lil sister! i am truly
    impressed & i think you should add this style of
    writing to your permanent repertoire!! honestly. :)

    again... BRAVO!!

    alwayspeace&Love,
    elayne.
     
  6. LISTERSCRIBIN'

    LISTERSCRIBIN' Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    emma, dear poetess...no matter how u sribe it is tyght! i am really lovin' the melancholy that this piece brings. keep on scribin', as i continue to watch.
     
  7. MORE

    MORE Banned MEMBER

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    it was nice
    to have the loss
    and feel the love
    once embraced
    and still is , alive.

    good work.!:toast:
     
  8. lilcherry76

    lilcherry76 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    can't hold back,
    what we never felt.
    this poem i read,
    will make a mean person's heart melt..........(flow on my sistah)
     
  9. Dream Weaver

    Dream Weaver Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    breathe baby, you be aiight.
     
  10. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    alter - thank you so much for your compliment, much appreciated

    Rich - as always i love the love you be givin... thank you

    Dee - :) someone else who read this piece said that the reader didn't feel emotion because it wasn't well enough conveyed, I'm glad that's not true for all.

    Elayne - thank you so much. I found this style a lot harder to write. Everything comes to me in my mind lyrically, so it's had for me not to put it down in ryhme, but glad you liked it.

    Literscribin - I appreciate all the support and love your comments continually send me. thanks.

    More - Always nice to see a new face on my pages, thanks for reading. :)

    lilcherry - glad i was able to get that feelin across. thanks for reading.

    Dream Weaver - this poem isn't autobiographical, just something that was stuck in my mind.

    Thanks for all your comments guys... you've given me the best start to my day :D

    *Emma*

    *Emma*
     
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