Black Poetry : Without Title

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by DreamGyrl360, Jan 15, 2003.

  1. DreamGyrl360

    DreamGyrl360 Active Member MEMBER

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    ~ I'm not really good at poetry... but I wrote this yesterday because I'm SO depressed...and I thought it was good so I decided to post it... ~

    Without Title, by Tha DreamGyrl

    Shadow on my heart,
    How boundless the darkness!
    Lonesome as placid water,
    My soul aches in remembrance:
    Your handsome kiss
    And certain touch.
    My heart's light dims,
    My wait for you is without spirit.
    Love is my bane;
    In weakness,
    I tear not myself free,
    But I will to die within its embrace.
    I seek solace in icy feeling.
    Emotion slaughters my heart,
    Loss drowns my soul.
     
  2. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hi dreamgyrl

    sorry ur depressed:cry: hope it gets better soon:spin:

    don t know who told u u were not good at poetry, but, don t believe it. i think u did a nice job of capturing the essence of ur mood. i especially liked the last line: loss drowns my soul

    f this is ur 1st poem, keep at it.

    it will get better.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    surely u captured the vibe of ya emotions
    and sadly whispers of ya mind will come
    into a beautiful feelin ....Hold ya head up and continue forward
     
  4. UL820

    UL820 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Loved your phraseology, "love is my bane"....etc...
    house your hope inside your heart
    and let yourself begin to heal, NOW
     
  5. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    DreamGyrl, you have a powerful voice. Show us some love, keep writing 'cause: "Life is empty canvas art, needing strokes that warm our hearts".

    1poetsought
     
  6. Ladysoul

    Ladysoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    this was so emotional! good piece!
     
  7. Blkthunder

    Blkthunder Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with everyone this was powerful
    Someone said "the depth of your pain shall be the depth of your joy"
    Hope that is true for you....
     
  8. Jyntlbreez

    Jyntlbreez Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    to echo the words of the other poets...This was truly and emotionally powerful piece...nice work poet!
     
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