Sis. Destee ( I am not trying to disrespect you in any way)
I think that this is an absolutely wonderful arsenal of love, knowledge, and community here. You should feel great about that imo.
I am a newbie. Been registered since Jan 08, so I am relatively unaware of the relationships here that have been built or broken because of disagreements. What I have noticed is this:
There are very knowledgeable people here on all subjects from A to Z. Honestly, it's a little intimidating. Now, I am a 'young' person so naturally I hold back from posting in some threads and just take in the information and study from it. So, I can imagine how it would feel to someone who feels they 'know' everything there is to know on a subject only to be confronted with someone who holds a view which is in totally contrasts to all they have 'known.' Such instances are met with Anger, Frustration, even jealousy that may come out in the form of Angry and sometimes Disrespectful posts.
I think I have witnessed this here. What's the problem with just saying, "Bro. or Sis, I don't really understand that? Can you explain or give me texts to read where you come up with that?" or even "Hey Sis/Bro. I just can't get with that?"
Instead there's alot of writing posts to try and invalidate that (opposing) person's view. at any available moment. Sis. Destee, I am new here and I find that a little disconcerting but it hasn't stopped me from coming here.
Sister Lite16 ... i don't believe i've ever had the pleasure of speaking with you before. I do appreciate you joining us, sharing, and overcoming whatever intimidation you may have felt, to add your opinion to all the rest! That is good ... Thank You and Welcome Sister!
What you describe above, is probably inherent to great debates and discussions, folk trying to prove or disprove each other. The very nature of debates, are antagonistic, as each side is usually arguing different perspectives. Depending on the individuals involved, emotionalism may be present too, though the less of this the better. Members have asked for more clarification on things, as you suggest they should. Yes, you're right, most all of that happens here.
I'm glad you've not let it stop you from coming.
But here is what I feel about this topic..
1. I don't want to say this as a woman, but here it goes and I mean no harm by it. (whether you believe which I really hope you do.) I think you and some others are being a little temperamental. I mean, it's one thing to say "Don't ever greet ME with Chaos and Curses," but it's a WHOLE NOTHER' thing to say it shouldn't be said at all between people here.
Sister ... i can see how you'd think that. It's reasonable and logical, to suggest that a person be concerned with their own self, and not try to impose their sensibilities on others ... or assume that others feel the way they do about different things. That really does make sense.
In this situation though, i have the unique responsibility of maintaining the collective peace in this community. It takes the above reasonable and logical thinking about self, to another level. It requires me to consider the whole. It's not about me being offended by the words, it's about this community's purpose, being violated.
When those things happen, i have to speak on it. They are not always easy to discern. I have to "try and figure it out." I have to try and be sure that it's not my own personal dislike or like, of a situation or person. I have to be as unbiased as possible, thinking primarily of what's best for the collective ... which happens to include many individuals. There have been many times that decisions made in this manner, went totally against what my own heart wanted to say and do.
No one else has this responsibility, not like i do. So while i try to explain it to you all, wear myself out trying to help everyone understand it, i'm slowly coming to the realization that everyone will not understand it ... no matter how much i try to explain it.
Had Brother Knowledge Seed greeted me with "chaos and curses" ... i probably wouldn't have said anything about it. Just like when he said something about this community, or destee, is dead. I don't believe i said anything to him about that either (at that time) ... though i found it quite disconcerting.
A Member is much more likely to get away with attempting to violate, offend, disrespect, diminish, etc., me personally, than they will trying to do it to any other Member, or us collectively. I don't get all in a tizzy when such things are hurled at me. I feel i'm able to take such blows, as i've done so many years. It's all like water on a duck's back to me personally, but to our purpose for being, to the level of comfort and peace we want to insure all that frequent here ... because of those things ... i can't let it go. It's my job.
I stand firmly in my responsibility of maintaining our collective peace ... and can say ... what will and won't be allowed here.
2. People here are giving (since some people don't want to say his name outright) Bro. Darkside soooo sooo much power and energy. (it's almost laughable when you consider this guy and how he views such things) If you allow someone to steal energy from you that's on YOU and noone else. Saying that a phrase has the power to crumble this PHENOMENAL site and/or its mission, takes away the power that it already has. Is this what happens in your (not sis Destee personally,but anyone) personal lives. Do people just come in and disrupt you and then all HELL breaks loose then it's over?? I am sincerely asking these questions because this just seems like energy being directed in the wrong directions. (I can just imagine the responses)
Sister Lite16 ... i think you've brought an excellent example to the table!
In one's own personal life, home, etc., someone comes in breaking the peace ... however one defines peace ... continually being asked to stop doing that ... and they do not stop ... then the person who's peace is broken, should do all they can to restore that peace ... up to and including, removing that person from their life, home, etc.
In many ways, this situation can be likened to the above.
I am saying to everyone here, some things are not allowed. Instead of saying okay Destee, we won't do that, i'm getting arguments about why it's okay to do this. That's krazee to me. How are you going to convince me, that it's okay to violate the house rules?!
It seems to me, at this point, if one doesn't like what is or is not allowed here, they'd just leave. Go to the place that allows all that you want allowed, or even build a place where you can do exactly as you'd like ... but to continually argue with me, or insist upon behaviors that i've repeatedly said are not acceptable ... is krazee.
Sister Lite16 ... who would you graciously welcome into your home, and then quietly watch them tear it apart?
3. I would say, if you don't like what a person says, and cannot handle the friction that is caused when you speak to that person... Then stop ENGAGING!
Why is this like WWIII or something?
Yes Sister, you're right. Many disagreements are on the level you've described above, where Members must simply stop engaging each other. I have recommended this many times, in situations that warranted that.
But this situation is different. Notice, those involved have never even spoke in this thread. Brother Knowledge Seed, who is normally quite forthcoming with his opinions, has not said a word regarding his greeting Brother KWABENA with chaos and curses. Likewise, Brother KWABENA has not responded either.
This is one of those situations, in my opinion, that rises above the norm ... that speaks to our foundational pieces. It is beyond me telling a Member, to just ignore Brother Knowledge Seed as he wishes curses and chaos upon you. It speaks to my hope for this community, its purpose, and i'll never be comfortable sitting back watching Members wish ugliness on each other ... even if those involved never complain about it.
You know, I have collected about 6 or so friends including Bro. DM and Meta, Bro. Blackbird, Sis True, Bro. OMO, Tyab14, and maybe I'm missing someone..i apologize.
But these are people who responded to my questions about things whether I agreed or understood or not with their views. They were open to me even though I am a new person. They gave me something to think about. However, they did not blow me off or come at me disrespectfully just because I posed a question. I appreciated that and Always will. Lastly, some people will never embrace people or views that challenge them. But, Sis Destee, It doesn't seem like this site was intended for only like-minded individuals. I thought the focus was about the individual (Africans and those in the Diaspora) and building a community OUT of our diversity.
Just my thoughts.. Again I love you and what you have done here.
Destee, you have my utmost respect. I thought maybe you wouldn't mind hearing from me.
Sister ... no one is required to have the mind of another, i don't think it's even possible. We are so diverse, so unique, so different. We all bring our individuality to the table, our own thoughts, hopes, agendas, etc.
The key is that we do that, while being true to the foundation of this community ... respecting each other.
If one can't respect our peace and purpose, while sharing their individual opinions and experiences ... they won't be here.
Sister Lite16 ... you are always welcome to share your thoughts with me, ask questions, get more clarification.
If i've not answered your questions sufficiently, or you have more, just let me know.
Much Much Love and Peace.
Destee