Poetry Critiques : Why You Turn My Head?

asimplepoet

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Mar 13, 2006
1,261
204
Somewhere between paradise and diaster
Occupation
Teacher
Why You Turn My Head?
You asked what about you turned my head
And I was unable to offer a sufficient reply
For the answer is just you being yourself
But that seems a little vague of an answer
So I will attempt to make it crystal clear
You are my twin soul in so many ways
Their similarity is sometimes unnerving
For none has ever understood me so well
But even in our alikeness there is contrast
For your strengths balance my weaknesses
A perfect fit like a completed jigsaw puzzle
I love the way you see beyond the outer shell
Never allowing me to pull my tough guy routine
In your arms, I am able to rejoice in being a women
Assured that you'll never see it as a sign of weakness
I am able to lose myself in your delicious caresses
As you seek to give me ultimate sexual gratification
With the knowledge that this is more than physical
The answer to your question is the totality of you
For all these things add up to you just being you

I usually have some kind of rhyme scheme but this was sort of a free flow reply. Would love some honest feedback on the style.
 

YungMiss

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jul 11, 2008
132
7
West Coastin'
Occupation
Student
the thing about poetry is..

its your own flow...
ya know?
it doesnt require a scheme or theme
and in it you can write about anything
it doesnt have to rhyme all the time
as long as you express your state of mind
so when you write a poetry just stay true
and simply do you!
but if you feel your poem i shall rate
then id have to say..it was GREAT!!!
 

$$RICH$$

Lyon King Admin.
STAFF
Mar 21, 2001
69,925
3,939
Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
Occupation
BUSINESS owner
The style is your creation of mental thoughts
yet it splash and rings out like a statement of confession
and would have more power if it was broken into stanza's
still the poem has it's own depth.....

This poem could have been a VILLANELLE style piece
if it was one line less and a few twist of course in action

over all ........Great write
 

watzinaname

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Oct 4, 2003
16,326
116
Northeast
When I see that you have penned a piece, I know that your word choice will give me a strong sense of what you're feeling, as is exhibited here. Sometimes a poet just wants to express a strong feeling as it is, and adding rhymes may limit that free flowing thought. I enjoyed this piece as is, but why not add a rhyme here and there and see if you, the poetess, feel that the piece expresses the same sentiments just as well.
 

PLATINUMILLITY1

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Nov 2, 2005
2,088
37
Life is waiting....
Occupation
Full Time Student and Independant Buisness Owner
Sis what is funny is that when i see your writings here.....I read and Look at them and I can not help to se the design you onstruct in writing it....
Now here it looks as if you constructed a sexy strapless dress. Is it Just me???
Before I saw a Tube Top shirt....What's Going on????????
LOL
Your poem was yet the comming af another beautiful one...I enjoyed it...well.
Flow On:)
 

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