Black People : Why Stress Men?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by shaneak, Dec 1, 2003.

  1. shaneak

    shaneak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Why do we as women stress men? Not meaning physically although their is some that do.. but I think they bring that on their own sometimes.. but stressing the need of their presense, affection, attention, love, quidance, support, money, time etc. Why is the need so on demand from a woman.. when many refuse to give it... maybe not verbally... but in my opinion, actions speak louder than words... so why are we stressing these men?

    Why do men lack the responsibility to be a man...
    ex: I met a man over 30 who could not change a tire... and me and some of my girlfriends had to assist him in the process.... (and that is a very small entity)
    ** mind you i came across another one with the same issue.....
    don't they know that is not becoming of a man...
    (kind of like they say.. that is not becoming of a woman/lady)

    just some basic questions.. i'm sure i could go further.. but rather not...
    please enlighten
     
  2. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I dont understand your question sista? What EXACTLY are you asking?
    Why do we as women stress over men?? as oppose to what...stressing over women?? I dont understand my sista so please clarify for me.

    Is this a thread in dedication of understanding the complications of a relationship? because I KNOW you wouldnt be bashing our brothas in an attempt to vent and understand emotions you may have gained from a past experience...

    who are "these men"? and who are the implied "other men"?
    I am just wonderin my sista cause I'm not sure where to go on this one...

    we being a people constantly labeled...I wonder if this labeling of "all men" is healthy?
     
  3. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Clarification, please

    Sister shaneak, I agree with Sister triniti424, I'm not sure I understand your questions and, in addition to the one's triniti asked, they raise a few more questions of my own to ask you. For example, what do you mean when you use the word "stressing" and what do you think it takes for someone to take responsibility to "be a man", who should know it, and how/where do they go to learn it?

    Peace :heart:
     
  4. happy69

    happy69 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Because...

    we are socially engineered that way. And by what you said, you have been socially engineered to believed that men are supposed to do some things and be some ways and women are supposed to do some things and be some ways... But, I think that I know where you are coming from.

    We have discussed this many times before, and all I can reiterate is that I feel that,
    Women love sons and raise daughters... and we carry that over into our personal relationships.

    There have been some occassions where I have experienced or noticed the same things that you described.

    I remember my father always talking about Lazy-can'tdonothing Black men. When Black women had car trouble, rarely would a Black MAN help- or rather most would keep moving, not my father; or a White man would stop???

    On the other hand, I think that gender prescrptions are kinda stupid: I can build, fix, put together anything; I can do minor repairs to my truck... change oil, tires, belts, etc.... my oldest brother can't do any of that.... as a matter of fact, when he failed to help our sister, whose battery had gone dead (okay, it was hilarious, neither of them could get her truck into neutral ???) so that it could be moved from her carport, so that he could give her a boost etc... over Thanksgiving, we laughed at both of them and said that they both needed a husband, who could fix things....

    The only thing that baffles me about this common situation, in our community, is Why do Black Women stress, when they do it all (many of us) anyway? It is Social, It can be destructive... and it cannot be the S-E-X.... hell, taking a ride on the five finger side can take care of that--- I mean for a while, and until you get yourself together--- AND STOP STRESSING!
     
  5. shaneak

    shaneak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You made a good point happy69... i could have sworn i explained what i mean by stressing.. but if the others didn't get it.. they probably won't... No hostility.. maybe a lot of disappointment.. When you see a dozen of your decent men in that predictament... Just not knowing how.... but based on the worldy ways... people, as males and females.. and i can tell that by some responses... But i won't change my mind... cause those were the days when they showed more respect and assisted more...

    I can do any and everything i so choose.. but then the question would be why would we need a man if we can do it all ourselves... Because we want one.. and personally.. i don't just want one.. but i want one who knows how to be a man and a gentleman...

    But stressing lack their of..... Let it go right.. don't even bother right.. But i ask this... how will men ever know... when many women doesn't even know what it takes for a man to be a man... but a man knows what he expects of woman... regardless... and that is despite the sex... if you wanna talk about relationships... you got the 50/50, the i'll take care of my woman.. the bunch of crap... the two way street...

    I stress them cause i know they can do so much better.... many just can't see.. some aren't willing.. and miss lady(triniti) ladies? stressing women?.. you can't even be serious to use that as a comparison... never fathom the idea.. cause i wouldn't even consider that route.. i already know we got drama.... I just recently realized how serious a mans drama can be... internally...
     
  6. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    shaneak...i'm try'n to understand your points...but i'm not getting it(i can be slow sometimes :lol: )...can you break it down for a humble brotha that trying to understand...thanks
    peace
    khasm
     
  7. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    sista shaneak...I see a little self-clarification is in order. When you posed your first question "why do we as women stress men?" it came across rather vague. The implication was that there were "others" with whom women should be "stressing" as oppose to "men" and are we to presume you mean ALL men OR our Blak brothas OR only men who elicit "stress"?

    so you see my confusion...
    furthermore...

    if it were ALL men you were referring to...then my question is, who in their right mind would take on the task of stressing ALL men :eek: lawd have mercy no wonder so many women are worn out LoL :lol:

    if it were only our Blak brothas you were referring to...then my answer is this...I would rather "stress" over the success of my beautiful Blak man and use that to fuel the love and encouragement needed to support and supply him with what he needs to sustain and succeed in life...as oppose to letting "stress" burden me...because life is a road built to stress ya tires...you can not hide from "stressful situations" but it has been my discovery that, using that energy to fuel your love and not flatten it, is more productive. And as a young blak sista I find my heart bound to sustain the stress that comes with loving my blak brothas in this debilitating world because...if I can not be there for him and he for me...than "stress" is the least of our worries.

    and if it were only certain men you were referring to...the types who spawn stress among every woman they come in contact with then...in my humble opinion...I think that every where you go every man does that to at least one woman somewhere someway somehow...its just a side effect of living among different individuals.

    In general, I myself, believe not to MAJOR in MINOR matters...stress what's important and the rest is kibble and bits lol :)

    my Momma told me growing up...that "stress" and the trials and tribulations that we endure in life, be it love or daily livin', its the fuel of the fire...you enter raw and emerge...gold.

    But that my sista...is my humble opinion :)
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I admit that I am one woman that doesn't KNOW what it takes for a man to be a man. I don't agree that ALL men know what they expect of women and please don't be disappointed but I don't know what you mean by 50/50 either. I do know though that if you mean that men and women should share equally in relationships, I don't believe in such hype. I still don't understand the "stressing" notion and that's not because you didn't attempt to explain what you meant. I'm just having a difficult time understanding your logic. But for what it's worth, some women love men and some men love women and when those feelings are involved, people will sometimes do odd things. I do agree that some men can cause 'drama', but so can some women.

    Finally, I don't believe in roles for men and women, per se. Because a man can't change a tire or repair a car, doesn't make him less than a 'man' in my humble opinion, the same way that if a woman can't cook or do laundry, or doesn't want children, doesn't make her any less of a woman. Who defines these roles and who were they meant to describe...white men....Black men? Opening doors, being called a 'lady', proposing on one knee, driving the car, etc., wreak of Europeanism in my view and don't appeal to me for that reason. I don't want my conscious Black man acting like a white man....that's more important to me than all that other stuff.

    My suggestion is that we shouldn't worry ourselves about men who we think might not be 'real' men because they can't change a tire and focus our attention on our brothers who are fighting hard against racism and being diligent about our struggle as a people.

    There's a saying: "Don't sweat the small stuff!" That's my opinion!
     
  9. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Shaneak don't be discouraged. You must understand many men are confused as to what it is to be a man. If will take men to make men. But in all fairness sister, a lot of sisters allow these men to perpetuate the nonsense and foolish that goes on in our community. But nevertheless it is still a man's responsibility to not only uphold but improve the stardard in which we live in some cases. Sister that man will find you but you must be in the right place. The club, the drag strip, the house party to name a few are not the right places. Our elders had it right back in the day when a man courted a woman and there was no premarrital sex. That's right no premarrital sex. Most sisters would say" Uh Uh I gotta see what the sex is like before I commit". Well isn't that the same thing the brothers say and do? But most brothers won't commit for some good sex, they just try to find more good sex. We've got things backwards. First sister aren't you worth the wait? Don't you like being treated like your special all the time? The problem is we (men and women) cater to our lusts and desires instead of love and righteousness. What may be good to us may not always good for us. So sister raise the moral standard for yourself, your possible mate and the people you associate with. These are things you can do yourself to attract the right people. When you change you, everything else will fall in place.


    P.S. Have you talked to God lately? God will help you with that moral value thing I mentioned early.
     
  10. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Will anyone that thinks they know what it takes to be a man or woman please post your descriptive definition and quote your source(s) to support your opinion?

    :thanks:
     
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