Black Relationships : WHY oH WHY!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Westcoastbound, Nov 22, 2011.

  1. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    I think I just lost a good male friend over a mistake on my part.Been seeing this guy on and off for about a year....Nothing serious between us..just good friends. Ya know someone do dinner and drinks with from time to time. Well anyway, I accidently one morning texted him something that I had saved as a draft from a previous conversation with him....(nothing incriminating)....We ll to make a long story short..he got bent out of shape/ranted on and on about me saving text messages...Couldnt believe it....but then I remembered something he shared with me..(I guess sometime in his day, a female that he was messing around with saved all of his text messages and sent/showed them to his current girlfriend...My question is should I question him about it or just the let the situation go....I havent heard from him in a week.Well, I went with my gut...and texted....BAsically texted"Just because we agree to disagree"doesnt mean u have to be incognito." Cant believe he is taking it this far.....WHY!!!!!!
     
  2. Ankhur

    Ankhur Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    let's say texting did not exist.
    Would you have taped his phone conversation with you

    and then presented it to him?
     
  3. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Let him know that he is an important friend to you and that you are not a schemer but will make more effort to not appear as such; then ask for and follow his recommendations.

    Hotep
     
  4. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    Should I reach back out and if so what do i say that I havent all ready said?:confused:
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    You did and said all you could , it was just one text you saved because it
    means something to you , break it down and tell him y'all friendship means
    more if he can't relate then let it go !
    because it show him as not a true friend as he claim but try not pushing
    something old in his face knowing he don't care for such acts

    Good luck
     
  6. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    From everything that I said...was I in the wrong? It was not my intention to make him feel uneasy...
     
  7. MimiBelle

    MimiBelle Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I save text messages. Meh.
    You've said all that you can and more than you should have. Something I'm not understanding...if he's 'just someone' with whom 'to have dinner and drinks'...what's it matter? Surely, there will be/are others?

    I guess my question is: Would this guy be a 'friend' or a REAL friend?
    -- If he's a REAL friend, maybe you should let him go. He sounds emotional, sensitive and petty to end a friendship over such a small issue. He'd have to go. I don't even entertain females that behave like this.
    -- If he's a 'friend'? I don't get the point or why I should waste the time..,.
    Of course, males and females can be REAL friends but I was never one to keep any...unless they were gay. *smirk*
    DESTEE men can say what they will about that, but I've witnessed plenty go on and on with the 'chest thumping' and 'the game' and being 'players' and 'alphas'. So, they can hush up.
    Point is, it's difficult for me to answer such a question. When single, I didn't believe in having a man around unless he was 'doing for me'. I never blurred the lines, as you do.

    "WHY, WHY, WHY?"
    As my kinfolk who are - currently invading my house and - infinitely more 'country' than I would say: Guhl, please....
    Whhhhyyy are you burning energy on a man that isn't YOUR man - that you ain't even sleepin' with...?
    ...and even THEN....
     
  8. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    He was a good male friend...that I enjoyed having around...as I dont have too many male friends....:(I am going to leave him be..... However when they come crawling out of their little hole and decided to reach back out to us.....How do some of you react?.. A. Do you greet him and exchange plesantries like nothing never happened between you too....B. Do you give the cold shoulder and dont respond at all?(After all, he did dump you) or C. Do you bring up why everything happened between the both of you...(After all, you really never got an explanation.)...Ladies these are feelings that Im pondering about as I am experiencing the above situation....Part of me wants to be mature and take the high road and be cordial to him like nothing ever happened between us and wish him well...while the other half doesnt even want to respond(Like the way he treated me). Dont want to seem 'pressed", but at the same time....i feel no closure...... Need some guidance. Dont want to appear too bitter.
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Friendship often mend back in time , but it seem you felt a tap more after all again
    you said what you could to fix it.
    Now just give the him time to cool off and he will come around just asure him this
    will not happen again it was an honest mistake, everyone is human and never once
    was it to bring anger and harm the friendship and time shared means more then
    something like this ....if he can't get with that and accept it then truely move on
    and bring self closure and know you did all you can and that alone brings mental freedom
    trust me this will not be the only male friendship you will encounter and surely this not
    the end of the world .....

    most part you should let it go for now and if he's a forgiven person he will be back.
    Now breath relax and exhale.
     
  10. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sister, he did nothing wrong to you. He reacted to your behavior, but not to you. As Brother $$RICH$$ writes, give him time. And when he comes back, let him in as if nothing happened. You have no hard feelings toward him. He is human and--having been hurt--he is trying to cope with his pain.

    Remember, you love this man. He is your brother. Give him space.

    Write him--"When you are ready, please come back, Brother" then move on.

    If I learned one thing--don't put all your eggs in one basket.

    Just do this, Sister. Put in perspective one of your worst qualms with a man and imagine if you saw that same qualm in another man--wouldn't you want some space as you would be 'sensitive' over that relationship? Just assure this man that he has a place in your heart.

    Then go get more friends.

    Hotep!