Black Relationships : Why is that?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Mar 21, 2004.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello everyone.

    I have had this for a long time and I think it is time for me to speak up on it. When my boyfriend cries or whatnot, I comfort him. But when I cry, I feel uneasy about being comforted. Why is that?

    Thanks for those who have read and understood.
     
  2. Kannte

    Kannte Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi legit-writer:

    Could you describe more specifically what you mean by, "I feel uneasy about being comforted."

    "Uneasy," in what way?
     
  3. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Okay....

    It's like this:

    I have no problem comforting him, meaning holding him when he cries, but for some reason I don't want to be touched, when I am crying. I hope that explains it better.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    it maybe the inner feelings and emotions that u want to be alone
    at that time or moment ....but it can also be selfish and afraid to
    release !!
    something only u can figure out because no one knows what u feel
    inside or thinking u seem to not be allowing him in your space when
    it come to the pain u endure it alone so the comforting is over shadowed
    by the inner feelings u composed with ......hope u can release more to him
    so he feel what u feel and the comforting will be more relaxing and caring
    to u sistah ...good luck
     
  5. AfroBoricuaRoni

    AfroBoricuaRoni Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i think...

    Well, maybe it's just that you want space when you feel that way. Not everyone wants to be soothed or consoled when they cry. Most believe that you MUST go up to someone and get all touchy feely when they grieve. Not even. There are folk in this world that just like to have an open space and room to breathe when times get tough.

    That's why when you see someone crying or in pain, it's best to stand back for a minute and if they show that they really need that back rub or head pat then go for it. But if they do the contrary then back off.
     
  6. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    :wave: Hello Legit-writer
    I dont know if you are still visiting this forum, but i would like to share my personal experience with you. Born the oldest girl of 4 younger sisters, When problems arised I had to be the one to keep the order. I was the one they looked up to when they could'nt handle certain situations. Then I grew up taking on the role as the crutch. I could'nt be seen crying or in need of help because how was I to keep the family strong if they see my weakness. So I cried alone in secluded places and protected my feelings from the world. I would'nt ask for help, I would just fix the problem myself. This went on for so long that I could'nt except any outside comforting. What I realize now is that needing a warm hug or any type of asisstance don't make me weak. I am still contribute to that pillar of strength when times get ruff and I am teaching myself to embrace the support of my sisters and others as well. This is still a struggle for me but I now can admit when I need the extra hug and support.
    I realized that I can't do it all by myself or prehaps I can, but a little help can makes it run all the smoother. I did'nt realize I even had this problem until someone pulled my card on it. I had to look inside and understand what has happened that made me shutdown outside help and comfort. I hope this helps you to understand the reasons why you may feel uneasy when comforted.
     
  7. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi Purple Moons, I am still on here just to let you know. I have read your experience and I totally see where you are coming from. I guess my situation was that I have been in an abusive setting and I have not recieved the emotional support that I need. And to tell the truth, I would need the emotional support, but when the person who has hurt me tries to give me emotional support, especially if he hasn't given it to me latelty, I resent. I hope I am not confusing.
     
  8. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    PHP:
    when the person who has hurt me tries to give me emotional supportespecially if he hasn't given it to me latelty, I resent. I hope I am not confusing
    Nope I'm not confused at all! Its hard to believe the sincerity of someone who has hurt you! So if you are feeling like you are in the wrong for feeling this way, don't believe your mind, but trust your heart. Some things just have to be earned. I understand completely! I hope it all works out for you and you don't let another's actions be the cause of you not excepting a hug or support from some one who will be sincere!

    I'm happy to see that you are still around! :)
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    sometime it's best to release self and the old stress that hold u
    and fine comfort in the arm of the one u with surely it's their
    or you may make it seem like you are pushing him away
     
  10. JohnDDD

    JohnDDD Member MEMBER

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    think it could be a number a things, ya know, everyone's different, and so are men and women. might depend on what you're crying about as well...if there's any correlation between your crying and him I could imagine you wouldn't wanna be comforted by him. if that's not it, maybe you do not feel totally comfortable (;)) around him? Think about it, the answer is somewhere inside yourself, but don't make too big a deal of it. :)