Black Relationships : Why Is It That When We Talk About IR People Automatically Assume Black/White?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by miss, Feb 20, 2006.

  1. miss

    miss Member MEMBER

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    I don't get it, really. A lot of us are against interracial relationships for many reasons, but it always kind of pisses me off that the conversation has to be about Black/White couples. Unless someone specifies the IR as Black/Asian, Black/Middle-Eastern or Black/Latino, we will automatically start talking about Black/White relationships.

    I get that we (Blacks and Whites) are polar opposites in looks, society, politics, style, upbringing, and just about everything, but don't other races present the same problems that a lot of us are worried about? Like the dying of our race and the shortage of Black men. Don't Asians, Hispanics, and Middle-Esterns end up causing the same gaps?

    I'm personally not militant about being against IR. I don't have it written off as a complete restriction from myself, but I don't really put myself in one often, either. I just get kind of annoyed that whenever I or someone else brings it up (in real life, not so much the internet) the assumption is that we're referring to Black/White relationships, which is IMO, a boring, played out, and overly discussed subject. The conversations are ALWAYS the same: Black men go to White women because they think Black Women have attitudes/because WW treat them like "real men"/because WW are just easy/because it helps their social status/because they think they're more attractive-- and Black Women go for White men because: Black men are bums/Black men don't appreciate us/White men are just better, blah, blah, blah.

    And people always end up "agreeing to disagree" so that means nobody really made a difference. Serious debates where nobody changes their views even a little are nothing but worthless arguments in which people get angry for no reason and leave with the same thoughts they had before they started.

    But I don't want to have debates on IR, sometimes I just want to know what a lot of people feel uncomfortable talking about in front of other men and women; what do you find attractive about other races? I can never have this conversation other black women or men who don't get nervous. The people I'm around spend so much time promoting "Black is Beautiful" that their mentality is almost like that they can't think other people are beautiful too without feeling like traitors.

    Any opinions?
     
  2. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    Are you new here, Miss? I'm not asking to offend, but simply to say that in many of the threads some have addressed already blacks in IR with other non-white races. I agree they can cause the same problems if it's all based on the thought one is better than the other, or because one seems to have "less" problems than one's own.
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Miss ... i can't speak to the experiences you've described above, but i can share why things are like they are here, in this community.

    This community is specifically for, by, and about Black People. When someone comes here, suggesting that we discuss other people, get with other people, concern ourselves with other people ... it takes the focus off of us ... and by nature of this, becomes disruptive to our purpose for being here.

    We tolerate some of this, as evidenced by the many inter-racial threads found here ... but that is not our reason for being ... trying to justify, explain, encourage, or support relationships with other races. I do believe there are sites that cater specifically to this though, if that's what you're interested in.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. miss

    miss Member MEMBER

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    Yes I am new, but I'm talking about people in the general media and real life, not necessarily these forums.
     
  5. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can discuss any topic whether I agree with its basic premise or not, but sometimes 'agreeing to disagree' is the middle ground to prevent threads from being closed here. I think that in real life, agreeing to disagree is equal to just walking away from someone when there's silly friction.

    You say you want to "know what a lot of people feel uncomfortable talking about in front of other men and women?" Could you be more specific?

    I, for one, don't find other whole races attractive. I look at the qualities of individual men and women I meet.
     
  6. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Because people tend to argue with their emotions instead of actually thinking about what's being said. For instance, if a black person says "I'm in an IR", people usually hear "I hate myself and every other black person, and I think "white" people are better". There could be no white people for miles, and people will still bring up white people. So it's turned into a black and white issue because then slavery, oppression, civil rights and any other conflict between blacks and whites can be brought into the mix in order to show why blacks need to alienate anyone who isn't black, and blacks who associate with non-blacks too. Plus, many people see everything as black and white anyways. It's either-or with many folks. It's easier for many people that way. People don't like leaving their comfort zone.
     
  7. miss

    miss Member MEMBER

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    Yeah, but when we're referring to things that are debated about constantly, there's no point IMO, in getting into it when both parties know deep down that the other side is not going to back down and is not going to change their mind. In the end agreeing to disagree on a topic you spent time discussing leaves the same effect as though you hadn't even talked about it. And yeah, sometimes it is interesting just seeing other opinions, but when it's something you see everywhere, you basically aren't going to see anything new.

    Well, at least with the black men I know, (which are basically almost all men I know) they get uncomfortable when I or another black girl is present and we ask what they find attractive about women from other backgrounds, they're either uncomfortable that we're gonna offended or that the other guys won't think them "black enough" anymore. Most of the time, they end up saying, "Yeah I like that" and then they rush to say "but I like black women better". Or sometimes they'll just say "I don't need no other women when I got my black sistas."

    It seems dishonest to me. There has to be something they find attractive about other women. Why can't they just say it?
     
  8. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    I think there's value in people giving their opinions even if they are debating with people from different mindsets. My viewpoints have been influenced from these debates. If things are respectful, I think debate should continue... but if it's disrespectful and getting personal a line has to be drawn somewhere.

    As far as the other half of your comment, maybe the black men you talk to aren't truly attracted to other women? Or maybe they can't answer because like Riada said they find beauty in individual people? Or maybe they just feel uncomfortable because they don't want you to think they're sellouts if they do provide an answer?

    Other races have always been pushed as the standard of beauty, other POCs notwithstanding. Saying what one likes about another race could be seen as fetishizing and perhaps looking down or not appreciating one's black features. So I think that might be why some are uncomfortable or in total disagreement over discussing that type of a topic.
     
  9. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sometimes, miss, people just have their own opinions about an issue. In a discussion, I guess it depends on why you and the other person are discussing or debating the issue. Each person may have a different reason for doing so. For ex. I don't discuss issues to change anyone's mind. I do it to express my opinions, so it's not important to me whether I change anyone's mind. It's just a way for me to share myself with others. I guess you're saying you kinda hope you can change the other person's mind or that they change yours?

    IMO, if people don't feel safe expressing their true feelings or if they're made to feel guilty or traitorous about liking things about other races, then they do exactly what you say those guys do.

    How does it make you feel when they dodge the question or come off in a dishonest way?
     
  10. mchinadoll

    mchinadoll Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    "Sometimes, miss, people just have their own opinions about an issue. In a discussion, I guess it depends on why you and the other person are discussing or debating the issue. Each person may have a different reason for doing so. For ex. I don't discuss issues to change anyone's mind. I do it to express my opinions, so it's not important to me whether I change anyone's mind. It's just a way for me to share myself with others. I guess you're saying you kinda hope you can change the other person's mind or that they change yours?

    IMO, if people don't feel safe expressing their true feelings or if they're made to feel guilty or traitorous about liking things about other races, then they do exactly what you say those guys do."


    DITTO!!
     
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