Black Relationships : Why is it hard for a man to make a woman feel appreciated

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Jackeys, May 2, 2007.

  1. Jackeys

    Jackeys Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2006
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    My boyfriend and I recently broke up because I expressed my feelings towards him of how he doesn't make me feel appreciated.

    He lives in a condemned house, with no running water, no functional kitchen or bathroom. There are holes in the walls, the floors are ruined, no gas, bad electrical wiring, holes in the roof and all kinds of rodents living there. I've been allowing him to practically live at my place. He was there everyday, and had moved just about all of his cloths there.

    I had begun to feel frustrated because I would often catch him on the phone calling and texting other women and I found out last week that he slept with a friend of friend a month ago. (I don't know the girl personally). When I asked him to end that relationship he told me that I was being too controlling. Being the kind hearted person that I am I told him that we were going to work through this together but it was like a negotiation for him to agree to stop seeing this other woman. After all of that he agreed to give up the condemned house and move in completely. He came in one night and borrowed $25 from me went to his house to get some more of his things and then came back in without saying a word to me and went to sleep on the couch.

    When I asked him why he was sleeping on the couch he said he was there because I had complained of feeling sore because I went running earlier that day and he didn't want to injure by sleeping next to me. I knew that was bull****. I told him he wasn't going to injure me by sleeping next to me because I had sore muscles. He said fine I'll be in in a minute. I went back to bed and 20 minutes later he still didn't come to bed. When I asked again, he said why can't I just follow instructions. I was just trying to see what was wrong and we got into this big argument. We made up, he eventually came to bed and despite my soreness we had sex. He didn't come back the next day and when I called he had attitude with me. He then didn't call me for the next three days, even after I left him message saying I had to go to the emergency room, which I did, for a pulled muscle.

    I got frustrated because he often ignores my phone calls, never responds to my voice messages, text messages, or emails. Everything I've done I've done out of the kindness of my heart and really wasn't expecting anything in return, but it would've been nice to feel appreciated. I got upset when he ignored and didn't return yet another phone call, so I sent him a text message letting him no how I felt, and told him that if he didn't want to be here that he didn't have to be. He responded 3 hours later and then came and got his things. I was devestated that he opted to leave rather than work things out. He called right after he left and asked if he could pause our relationship for a while. I didn't think it was fair that he wanted to take a break and at first I was reluctantly to agree to that. I told him he had to either be there or leave and he said then he'd leave but after us talking all night, I agreed to let him take a pause.

    I love him so much, but why is it that's it's so hard for some men to act like a appreciate a woman?
     
  2. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    3,527
    Likes Received:
    36
    Ratings:
    +38
    I'm really upset of how you've allowed him to treat you.
    You didn't think enough of yourself to let him go.
    There were many clues!
    First and foremost his living conditions sounds like he's unemployed or addicted to drugs.
    Sistah to sistah I don't know how you had relations with him living this way.
    Second he didn't have anywhere to stay and you took the stray in.
    He openly ignored,cheeted,disrespected,used,lied, and he's basically homeless?
    Why are you upset again?
    Sweety you were in love with the possiblity not the person.
    Go out and enjoy life and stop worrying about a nothing who brought you nothing.
    As soon as he left you should have called a caterer and through a party!:getout:
    Trust me you'll be just fine without him!
     
  3. Jackeys

    Jackeys Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2006
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Thanks for your concern it meant a lot to hear that.
    What's funny is that he does have a job, making $40,000 a year, but he's way over his head in his expenses. Trying to drive a fancy car and impress his friends by always being the one to pick up the bill when they went clubbing. Even still my kind heart let him borrow money and I was prepared to let him move in because it isn't healthy for anyone to be living in that house. The mold problem alone was risky, but he insisted on holding on the house although he can't afford to fix it up.

    Like you said that's his problem, he was foolish because if I was in his situation I would've at least played it cool until I got my stuff together. Not that I was finding it a good thing to be used but when your chips are down and someones willing to help you pick them up you show your gratitude.
     
  4. elemlv

    elemlv Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0

    Hey Jackeys!

    Now I am in no way saying that I am a prayer book or know everything there is to relationships. (you saw my thread) But our situations are quite different. Girl, you do NOT deserve to be treated that way. There were so many red flags that basically "he was just not that into you" and I know it hurts because you put yourself and your heart out there, but he does not deserve you nor what you have to offer. He wasnt a friend nor was he a boyfriend. He was being a leech, and that is the person that he is and you can't change that, but what you can change is you learning from this mistake and learning not to give your heart to the wrong person, someone that is not worthy of that piece of you! the reason why he didnt ACT like he didnt appreciate you is because HE DIDNT appreciate you. "I got frustrated because he often ignores my phone calls, never responds to my voice messages, text messages, or emails."..that tells it all, you were convient for him!..you deserve more! Way more!
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2001
    Messages:
    20,950
    Likes Received:
    5,248
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Chemist
    Location:
    Detroit
    Ratings:
    +6,135
    1st Off....


    :ref: I submit that it is wrong to blame all men for the inabilities of your ex. 2nd, With what you have described, you should have left him from day one.:getout: It was obvious that he had nothing going for him. Next time, make a better choice in whom you date
     
  6. Goddess Auset333

    Goddess Auset333 Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,841
    Likes Received:
    22
    Ratings:
    +23
    We can not MAKE no one do that which they have no desire to do to and for us.

    When we allow others to do ungodly things to us, we have ungodly spirits inside of us who starves and craves to be fed by those who do ungodly
    things to us.

    We must purge and purify our inner house, clean all the mess in us so we do not attract perversion. We are what we eat and think.

    Do we really need another that bad that we settle for anything another does or say to us? It seems we would have something perveted in us if we do.

    It is a SWINE mentality that does ungodly to us, that we allow to be done to us.

    Today we muist choose to be DIVINE or continue to bask and operate in that which is SWINE.

    HILY/A

    g Isis
     
  7. Radio_Guy

    Radio_Guy New Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Are you serious?

    In reading your post, you said he cheated on you, shows you no attention, treats you bad, and makes you feel unappreciate. How do you consider this a relationship, and WHAT pray tell are you devastated over? You did not mention anything that he is doing for you except taking advantage of you. Maybe I missed something, but to me it seems like you are complaining about getting the biggest blessing of your life, and that's him out of it.
     
Loading...