Why Your Husband's Ex Might Hate You www.huffingtonpost.com Here is a list of the most common reasons your husband's ex might not think too fondly of you. Jenna Korf Certified Stepfamily Foundation Coach and Blogger Why Does My Husband's Ex-Wife Hate Me? Janine from Santa Ana, California asks: "Why does my husband's ex-wife hate me? I've never done anything to her." Well, Janine, you're in good company. Many other stepmoms are also perplexed by this. Here is a list of the most common reasons your husband's ex might not think too fondly of you. 1. She doesn't hate you, she hates what you represent: The failure of her marriage, the breakup of her family, the woman her ex-husband became a better man for, the fear that she might have ruined her child's life by not being able to make the marriage work. 2. She's afraid her kids will love you more than they love her. An irrational fear, as the chances of that happening are basically nil, but a common fear nonetheless. 3. She perceives you as overstepping boundaries. This could include showing up at a parent-teacher conference, forcing the kids to call you mom (yes, that does actually happen), calling the kids "mine," posting pictures of the kids on your Facebook page, trying to co-parent with her by responding to messages sent to your husband, etc. 4. She resents your participation in events she believes are reserved for "mom" and those that may not be reserved for mom but that are "firsts." These might include taking your stepdaughter to buy her first bra or getting her first haircut, participating in any sort of cosmetic experience, talking to her about the birds and the bees, painting her nails or coloring or cutting her hair the way you like it or similar to yours (even if your step is a teen and she requests this, it could still push mom's buttons). You can be sure that mom wants to be there for any sort of milestone. 5. She has unresolved grief about her divorce. For a long time, she could just ignore the painful feelings that accompany divorce. She didn't really have to face it. She may even be remarried but never actually grieved the loss of her marriage and family. Enter stepmom, and suddenly it's real and it's in her face. .