Black Relationships : Why His Ex May Hate You

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Kemetstry, Oct 20, 2012.

  1. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Why Your Husband's Ex Might Hate You
    www.huffingtonpost.com
    Here is a list of the most common reasons your husband's ex might not think too fondly of you.



    Jenna Korf
    Certified Stepfamily Foundation Coach and Blogger
    Why Does My Husband's Ex-Wife Hate Me?
    Janine from Santa Ana, California asks: "Why does my husband's ex-wife hate me? I've never done anything to her."
    Well, Janine, you're in good company. Many other stepmoms are also perplexed by this. Here is a list of the most common reasons your husband's ex might not think too fondly of you.

    1. She doesn't hate you, she hates what you represent: The failure of her marriage, the breakup of her family, the woman her ex-husband became a better man for, the fear that she might have ruined her child's life by not being able to make the marriage work.
    2. She's afraid her kids will love you more than they love her. An irrational fear, as the chances of that happening are basically nil, but a common fear nonetheless.
    3. She perceives you as overstepping boundaries. This could include showing up at a parent-teacher conference, forcing the kids to call you mom (yes, that does actually happen), calling the kids "mine," posting pictures of the kids on your Facebook page, trying to co-parent with her by responding to messages sent to your husband, etc.

    4. She resents your participation in events she believes are reserved for "mom" and those that may not be reserved for mom but that are "firsts." These might include taking your stepdaughter to buy her first bra or getting her first haircut, participating in any sort of cosmetic experience, talking to her about the birds and the bees, painting her nails or coloring or cutting her hair the way you like it or similar to yours (even if your step is a teen and she requests this, it could still push mom's buttons). You can be sure that mom wants to be there for any sort of milestone.
    5. She has unresolved grief about her divorce. For a long time, she could just ignore the painful feelings that accompany divorce. She didn't really have to face it. She may even be remarried but never actually grieved the loss of her marriage and family. Enter stepmom, and suddenly it's real and it's in her face.


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  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LOL...who cares what the ex thinks...
     
  3. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    There may be children involved. Which means, like it or not, you have to deal with both sides






    ..
     
  4. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well the ex needs to drop the bitterness and get over it...And I'm speaking from the ex's point of view...My daughter's dad is now married and I had to let that go.

    Still, she may not like his new woman but I have no say so in their marriage...As long as the children are being taken care of then you gotta let go of any emotions you have tied to that man and let it go.

    And the new wife has to respect the fact that this other woman is going to be around and involved in the child's affair.

    So........................................Speaking from experience I know first how this goes.
     
  5. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I could have wrote this article...but for real...what I told his wife cause she's the one has issues with ME...I don't want your husband...You got the ring. I never once meddled in your marriage...the only thing I'm concerned about is how my daughter is being taken care of and that's it...

    My daughter lives there, she spends most of the time with her step mom...she even calls her mom...If my daughter is happy then I'm happy.
     
  6. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    You know that is extremely hard for some to do. Just look at Dwayne Wade's ex. She in the nut house over it






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  7. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It is hard...but it can be done.
     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I wish more were like you. There are lots od damaged kids out here






    ..
     
  9. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'll tell you a story Kem...

    When my daughter was 5, I was at work and my mom called me up and told me she went to go pick my daughter up from her Dad's house (at this time my daughter was living with me). But her step-mom wouldn't let her out the house. I dropped everything I was doing at work at went over there. I could hear my daughter in the background crying and asking for me when I came by. The step-mom told me I couldn't have her that she was now in their custody. This was my first initial contact with this woman. I had never seen her or spoke to her until this time. I had heard about her, but I didn't trip that he was with a new woman.
    But this created my anger and hate towards this woman for a brief time. Then she threatened to call the cops on me. My daughter heard this and it freaked her out even more. To make a long story short her dad had to call her up and tell his wife to let my daughter out the house.
    This woman has told my daughter that she will never come live with me and has made negative remarks about me to my daughter. Not once have I ever said one thing bad about this woman.
    I've sent her Mother's Day cards, bought her kids birthday gifts and the whole nine.
    I have even thanked her for taking care of my daughter while in my absence.
    I still don't know, nor care what her issue is with me to this day.
    We're cordial now, but I can still feel her tension with me.
    She might not like it because I am around. Or the fact that my daughter's dad doesn't treat me bad. She wants me to hate her. I'm not going to. My daughter looks up to me more then she does her, so as her mother I'm going to be the mature adult about this. That's why daughter has the respect that she does have for her is because I control how I feel.

    At the end of the day it's not the ex that has the problem...it's sometimes the wife.
     
  10. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What has helped is the fact that I have the utmost respect for her father. He is a great dad and I couldn't ask for a better father for my daughter...cause I would have blasted her in her face a long time ago.
     
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