Black People : why don't we speak to each other??..

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Nubian One, Jan 11, 2006.

  1. Nubian One

    Nubian One Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    or at least acknowledge one another.. smh

    Some guy gave my the ‘whats wrong with you face?!’ last night.. Let me digress a bit..I always speak to people whether its just a simple hey, hello, how are you.. I may be in the street, in the store, on the elevator, whatever.. I always do. I think that’s my dad in me. He’s from a lil ‘ol town in GA.. So he’s a real country boy and he speaks to EVERYBODY..

    In any case I’m walking up the block yesterday and some guy (probably in his early 30s) was walking the opposite direction, towards me. And when we passed each other I said hello, how are you or something and gave me the strangest look. I don’t even realize I’m doing this.. I don’t realize until the other person doesn’t say anything back.. then that’s when I’m like.. ‘**** Na, you speak to everyone’… People: Stop walking around MAD AT THE WORLD.. lighten up and if someone speaks have the decency to speak back.. OR at least nod.. SHEESH..lol
     
  2. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Nubian One...

    I notice this phenomenon a lot too, especially in my neck 'o' the woods. To tell you the truth, it may be a part of the conditioning, (if you're speaking of Black on Black). It's sort of a programmed way to "fight the feeling", thus leading to an even wider communication gap amongst us. I think some brothers don't speak out of fear of getting 'dissed, and some sisters don't because of some jerk that may have rubbed them the wrong way. I am a quiet person in public, but always smile, nod, or say "hello" at the least.
     
  3. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think these godd*mn cell phones are most of the problem.

    I can't walk up into a resturant or bank without seeing half the people snuggled up to a cell phone talking about straight up NOTHING.




    I go to the carry-out joint, place my order, and sit next to a nice little cutie with powtty lips.

    Here I am.....seeing as how both of us are alone and next to eachother....thinking we may happen to strike up a convesation and get to know eachother.

    As soon as I smile and say "Hellaw"...I hear:

    ((rat-a-tat-tat-a-tat-tat)) Can you keep up....baby boy...make me lose my breath ((rat-a-tat-tat-tat))

    Phone jumping off the hook!

    She holds a finger up at me and reaches for that phone, gets on it and starts chatting away for the rest of the time I'm there.

    Don't even hear her number being called.




    No more conversations with strangers, everybody is on thier celly wrapped up in thier own little world.

    Personally I don't like talking on the celly and use it only for brief or emergency situations.

    Some people run thier mouths until the back of the phone is glowing red and they start smelling like smoked ham.
     
  4. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    NubianOne, where are you from/Where do you live??? Hope that's not too personal a question, but location, location, location... It explains a lotta things as regards courtesy, openess, warmth, love, politeness... I've spoken on this very same thing, because I am sensitive to it myself...

    In NYC, that which you described is the norm among young cats... I didn't grow up that way... Lotta Black southerners had migrated here, and people hung out on stoops for blocks... You spoke to every last one of 'em, or you didn't walk comfortably throught the neighborhood... Now, everyone's mostly native born here... The elders impact is decidedly not what it used to be, but guys my age still speak... I can count on it... You get that look of brotherly acknowledgement, and then it's, "what's happenin', brotha?", and a smile, like "I'm good, how 'boutchoo?"

    Young cats??? The world is 'bout to cap dem in da back, or somethin'...(smile!) The fear and suspicion is palpable... Whew, Lord, I am so happy I didn't have to grow up like that... But I feel for the youngbloods, because that is most stressful to know that a smile is a sign of weakness, or a simple look can get you shot and killed... I think I'm glad I had no sons, because having daughters out here was freakin' stressful enough(smile!) Nuff said...



    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  5. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i speak to men all the time, i just don't speak to women.
    i'm tired of the bad vibes i get back from sisters.
     
  6. Sanaiah25

    Sanaiah25 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Though I understand your actions...you would be one of the people Nubian One is talking about...all because you would pre-judge her response to your acknowledge, before it ever happens...which adds to the problem

    atleast if someone says hello and i don't say anything back...i have the opportunity to feel ashamed of myself, and atleast consider adjusting my attitude for the future...black people should be willing to learn good habits from each other (if we weren't taught at home).
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    While some people apparently feel this behavior is limited to certain geographic areas, I believe it to be a serious problem in our community as a whole. I can not count the number of times I've had black people (usually women) refuse to acknowledge me in public. Indeed countless times I've walked down the street while a black woman is walking towards me in the opposite direction. Almost every time sisters will turn her head down or look to the side (staring at nothing) as soon as she gets within speaking distance in order to avoid acknowledging me. Sometimes I watch them walk past me, sure enough as soon as they do, they start looking straight again. This happens with such regularity that the few times a sister does speak to me :hiya:, I'm so caught off guard that I barely say anything myself (usually suffer a delayed reaction).:laugh:


    I have heard several reasons for why this is happening. Many sister have described that they refuse to acknowledge brothers on the street because of unwanted sexual attention. However until this point I've never heard a sister say that brothers refuse to acknowledge her greetings. I believe our sister Nubian One, as I never try to discount other people's personal experiences. However, since brother JamesfrmPhilly has pretty much verified "some" black men do this as well, it is definately undeniable. This is just another manifestation of the unnatural divide & psychological issues that exist between black men and women in this country.

    We in the African American community need to be more friendly towards one another. A nice smile, a kind word, a pleasant wave, and a cheerful hello should not be reserved solely to those whom we are sexually attracted to. Even in cases where there is sexual attraction or interest, no one should feel violated...intimidated...or threatened when another person expresses this sexual attraction in them. I have always considered that flattering. Indeed it is or should be a compliment, even when the feeling is not mutual. Refusing to acknowledge one another is not a normal way to view society or healthy way to approach relations with the opposite sex.
     
  8. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow, I didn't know tha Nubian One was a sister - though I never made any reference to her gender, so no apology is needed, I hope(smile!)

    But I did think - I must admit - that she was talking about brothers, and assumed she was a brother...(smile!) Ooooh, Well...

    But I must admit that I speak to sisters, and sisters speak back to me... They may go through some of their little body language conniptions like brother Pan pointed out, but I've always assumed that was due to some insecurity about the unknown - as in "how is this brother going to come outta his face if he speaks to me???" Some brothers can be awfully silly when it comes to speaking to a sister, and that's not a new phenomenon(smile!) That's also putting in lightly, too...

    So I do try to smile and get that eye contact simultaneously, and then keep it real simple, using a few words as possible to get my sentiment across... Guess what, it works! I think the smile and friendliness works with sisters far more effectively than with brothers...

    Brothers see it as WEAKNESS, EFFEMINATE, and "why you smilin' and eyeballin' me, man??? You GAY?"(smile!) So, frankly, I don't have that issue with sisters on the level as I do with Brothers... In fact, with sisters, I'm afraid my approach in a closed environment might lead to more than I can handle or want to handle...(smile!)

    One final note is, when I was a teenager I learned that girls wanted the "chase" scene - they had to have it, SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT!(smile!) So, when I'd say a simple hello, they'd ignore my ***, and I'd feel a offended, and would investigate what da problem was here... The INVESTIGATION was what they wanted all along, not just some simple "hello" and goodbye... So, young girls become grown women, and still loved to be chased and wanted and wooed... Are we Black Men not sensitive to that NEED women have to be chased??? For women it is an important aspect of courtship, and tells them you REALLY want to know them... That might not be true for us, but for them it is a strong reality...



    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  9. Nubian One

    Nubian One Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yes I'm a sista!

    intriguing responses!..

    It’s things like this that make me be like man, I’m just going to keep quiet and not say anything. But that’s just not in me. Also, I actually get more feedback from other women. Like I mentioned before I speak to everyone regardless, I get a better response from women than men.

    Even if I’m in the elevator and it’s me and another individual I’ll try to spark a small convo. But it’s all about the vibes, if I feel like I should bother than I don’t.

    Another ISSUE I have is the whole door holding thing. If I hold the do for you.. what should you say .. THANK YOU, right? I don’t know maybe I’m an old fashion one but.. I always say Thanks or something..it’s pretty simple. I mean, if I don’t hold the door for someone behind me I’d be considered rude. Sometimes to be smart I’ll say you’re welcome even though they didn’t say thank you. I may be in the wrong just as much as they are by saying that but I really can’t deal with it anymore.

    Daul, I agree with about the whole cell phone phenomenon.. It’s nothing wrong at all with using your cell phone outside or in a public place because after all is it a MOBILE phone but everything should be done decently and in order. I don’t want to hear abut Pookie getting off house arrest, or that Peaches is pregnant again.
     
  10. KWABENA

    KWABENA STAFF STAFF

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    Basically because we do not spend enough time with each other to love each other enough to greet each other.

    CD
     
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