Black Women : Why do you Weave, Perm, or Wig?

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by Destee, Jun 2, 2008.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister thaREDDizbak ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

    No, i don't think i have ever asked Sisters the above, so i will now ... :) ... thanks for the suggestion.

    I'll share why i did it for so long as well.

    It all started when i was a child. In the beginning, i wasn't making conscious decisions to perm or press my hair. I was doing what my Mother encouraged me to do. Now that i'm older, a Mother myself, aware of so much more of the systemic conditioning put upon our people, i know that my Mother, her Mother, and all those before ... did what they thought was best for us.

    In times past, Black People (both Men and Women), couldn't get a job unless they did something to their hair. Most all images of domestic servants, pullman porters, etc., had straightened hair (or it was covered). It seems if you wanted to work, provide an income for your Family, then you had to go through these steps. In so doing, our Ancestors just passed this down to us, as they wanted us to be able to provide (survive) as well.

    But once someone ... and i don't even know who that person is ... for i've heard many talk of loving themselves, their own hair, their own skin, their own everything ... just as God gave it all to us ... over the years ... but anyway ... someone planted the seed in me, and it began to grow.

    Between perms, as the new growth was building on my scalp, i began to massage it, stroke it, want to see it in its fullness. I began to wonder what would it be like, to have a head full of new growth. I would feel the natural curl of my hair, in the new growth, and want to get to know it ... up close and personal. It almost became an obsession with me, feeling on my own natural hair, before going to get a new perm. I still do it now, massage / feel the curl in my hair.

    I began to think about the fact that as an adult grown Black Woman, i had no real experience with my own hair without chemicals in it. I became frustrated with the fact, that i didn't know my own stuff!

    I began to think about the fact that i permed my hair, primarily because it is what i'd always done, since childhood.

    That was my reason. Familiarity. I was familiar with the "fake me" but had no idea of the "real me."

    While transitioning my whole being to accepting the idea of loving all of me, just as God made me ... i went through a host of different reasons not to do it. Telling myself that the perm is easier to manage. Telling myself that people will think i'm krazee, walking around with my natural (nappy) curl. Telling myself that it is going to be so much more difficult to take care of. Telling myself that chemically altering my very being, is not an indication of inside, personal issues. I'm sure i spent a lot of time talking myself out of it, making the transition period all the longer, but that's just part of it i think. Once i started thinking so seriously about it, i was surprised to find how hard a decision it was to make.

    But the seed had been planted in fertile soil, and it took root ... no pun intended! :)

    It was a long journey, from seed to blossom, but it happened ... over 2 years ago.

    The money saved alone, is reason enough for every Sister to quit with the weave, perm, & wig.

    But i realize it is such a personal journey, that each of us must travel in our own time, if it is to be done properly.

    No one could have rushed me through it, and so, i won't rush anyone else.

    Well ... that's why i permed / pressed my hair ... i didn't really know anything else.

    I've never worn a weave or wig.

    How about you Sister ... and everyone else ... why do you do it ... if you do?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    IMO - the only reason to do that is to look more like a white woman. that is it.

    there may be a thousand excuses but only one reason.

    now if it is deemed necessary in order for the sister to get ahead and make that money, i can understand it.
    but let us not kid ourselves. it is to look more like a white woman.
     
  3. CREOLEQUEEN

    CREOLEQUEEN Active Member MEMBER

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    Back in the day when I did all of the above - weave, relax, wigs...it was for a a combo of the following reasons:

    1. I was always taught black was beautiful but was never really exposed to the true, natural beauty of black women. All I ever saw was weaves and relaxers so I just fell victim to following the leader.

    2. I never thought black men accepted natural hair as some brother would always make it his business to point out my new growth when touch up time was close.

    3. And, as I grew older, I just didn't know how to manage natural hair.

    Today I wear my hair natural and I teach my daughter to accept and love the texture of her natural hair. I know what's under the head is more important than what's on it but presenting a picture of the true and natural beauty of our people must not be lost on us; more so for our lil ones.

    Anyway, I find the type of brothers I want to attract L-O-V-E :em2200: the natural hair!!!
     
  4. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

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    i have naturally curly hair... i mean VERY curly hair. think tia and tamera mowry (before they straightened their hair), or scary spice from the spice girls. im mixed, my mom black and my dad white.

    when i was younger i couldnt stand my hair. i wanted a perm, mostly because i always saw my mom getting one. she never let me do it, though. she did let me get my hair straightened (usually by blow drying/curling irons) as i got older. my hair is always easier to take care of when its straight. i wrap it at nite and brush it out in the morning. itll stay like that for a week, more if i let it.

    ive never put a weave in my hair, never needed or wanted to. i would like more length to my hair because theres so much you can do with long hair that you cant do with my shoulder length hair. i love to try different styles and colors in my hair. ill dye it once a month or so, and i change the cut/style all the time. my hair is my canvas, and im always ready to paint. i do keep it weave-free. i dont knock ladies that get weaves, i just prefer the natural look.

    i did put a very mild relaxer in my hair once to help tame the frizz. it didnt straighten my hair, just made the curls more manageable. i let it grow out though, i like my frizz better than the brittle hair i had with that treatment. really all i need to do to make my hair straight is blow dry it and/or flat iron it.

    i have worn wigs before too. i think i still have em. there was a time i cut my hair very short, about a quarter inch long, and i couldnt do anything with it for a few months (the au natural look was out b/c my hair is a different texture on each side, with the right being noticeably curlier than the left). with the wig i could wash my hair once a week, and wrap it while it was wet. then all i had to do was a wig cap, wig, brush and go. it made my life easier. my hair is pretty high maintenance, i have to wash it every day to keep it looking decent, and i have to put various products in it to prevent it from being frizzy (i dont mind the frizz so much, but my job does... they dont consider it to be \"well groomed\" when its frizzy).

    right now my hair is curly cuz i washed it this morning. i had it straight yesterday. i love the ability to go from one \"extreme\" to the other so quickly and easily.

    so say what you will... straigh hair, weaves, and perms do not mean that a person it trying to be white. i mean, that may be the case for some, but not for all of us.

    i think people need to start asking more questions and make less assumptions :)
     
  5. SeekingMaat

    SeekingMaat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Greetings

    A very good friend of mine has undergone chemotherapy and consequently her hair has fallen out and she has been advised that it is unlikely it will grow back She wears a wig, which I fully overstand. Another has alopecia (sp) she wears a weave. Both of these women are very aware and loving of Afrika and their Afrikanness. Who are we to judge anybody by their 'hair'? One's hair style is not indicative of one's consciousness. There are a multiple of reasons why women do what they do to their hair. Yes, some suffer from self hate, some do not but due to a medical condition they wear what they wear. How do you differentiate between one woman who wears for a medical condition, and another who wears for vanity? I remember my mother having lye put in her hair (straighteners), the damage done to the hair folicles was evident in later life, she too ended up wearing a 'weave'.

    Afrikan women were the originals who invented the 'wig' and hair adornments. Why do we continue to judge our own, without any previous knowledge of that person - how do you know that they do not have a 'condition' and prefer to cover their head with wig/weaves for personal confidence? Instead of judging people, perhaps next time do a 'kindness' and ask why, before running our mouths and defining Afrikan women by their 'hairstyle' ........

    Peace
     
  6. LovesDestiny

    LovesDestiny Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My "Blackness"

    Thank you Sis. thaREDDizbak. This is a great conversation and I respect each and everyone's personal opinion on the subject. I believe that hair, just like anything else that defines our physical character (nails, clothing, contacts, makeup, etc.) is a personal choice. I grew up as a tom boy probably because I have brothers and boy cousins and quite frankly didn't grow out of it until I turned 30 years old. Pretty late in life but I never spent much time on myself before then. It just never really mattered to me before then for some reason.

    I've had a perm for the majority of my life...mostly for the same reasons that a lot of women did/do...because my mother chose that for me. When I was old enough to care for my hair myself I continued the process that had been set for me. My hair had always been long and thick and I remember trying a weave once in highscool (even though I didnt need it). I have had micro braids twice and swore I would never do it again. Adding hair adds so much weight especially if you already have a head full. These later years of my life I wear my hair very short because the older I get the less time I have for personal maintenance. BUT I still perm my hair. I have girlfriends that wear their hair natural...some have gone from perm to natural and then back to the perm. Other's have cute fros and beautifully, long locks and swear they are NEVER going back. My daughter is 5 years old and has the most beautiful and thick natural virgin hair that I have ever seen. I am learning a lot about natural hair because I have to maintain hers. But I'm not making any difference in her hair because I don't want to give her the idea that just because her hair is natural that she is better/different than any of the other little girls in her school who may not have natural hair. Even though I have no plans in the forseeable future of putting ANY chemicals on my baby's hair, in my home, hair is not an issue. What's important for her to know is that her beauty comes from within (her attitude, confidence, etc.) and not her physical state of being.

    I love each of my sisters no matter what and there is nothing that any of them could ever do to their hair that would make me change the way I feel about who they are as a person and as a black woman. They are strong and beautiful no matter what. My strength comes from them and I hope that I give them the same thing. It use to be light skinned versus dark skinned and now it's natural versus chemical. With so much working against us, the last thing we need is continued separation because of our physical differences and choices. When I see a sister with a fro or natural hair I gaze at her with reverance and amazement. The next sister that walks by with a long weave doesn't get any less admiration from me. Because when it's all said and done, we are one in the same no matter how you spin it. The rest of this stuff is noise. I pray that my loved ones never judge my "Blackness" by my appearance.
     
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    these hair styles are meant to make one look more like a white woman
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister SeekingMaat ... there are always exceptions to the rule, where for medical reasons and such, folk are moved to do things. That's different than the manifestation we see across the landscape now.

    It's one thing for grown adult women to make choices for themselves. If that was all it was, i'd not feel so passionately about this topic.

    But what of the Little Black Girls? Why do the majority of our baby girls have to have a scalding piece of hot metal or unknown chemicals, applied to their very tender scalps, soon after coming out of the womb? Why are we putting our babies through this? Why are we making our little girls believe that they aren't pretty, like all other little girls, just the way God made them?

    This is a sign that the phenomena we're witnessing, goes beyond the choices of grown women.

    Why do we do it to our Babies?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    when a black person indicates to me that they would really prefer to look white, that raises a red flag....
     
  10. sweet apple*pie

    sweet apple*pie Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Real talk

    Not directed to anyone in particular.....

    Hmmmmm....why do I get perms, weaves, etc.....?

    B'cuz I want to, I like to, and I can.

    How ya like that?

    It gives me a sense of creativity and choice. It gives me freedom of expression. If I want to have a curly sew in weave so I can get in the water; thats my business. Why do you buy new clothes? Cuz you want to. You want options. I want options. As a man, Why do you own a hundred pair of sneakers? Cuz you dont like wearing the same pair everyday. I dont like wearing my hair the same way everyday.

    It doesnt have jack to do with me trying to be someone I am not. That line is tired and old. Why do some men, have problems with commiting to one woman? Cuz they like options. So any man who rags on any woman, who wears a weave, needs to take a hard look at themselves. Everyone likes the opportunity to spice up their look. The same brothas talking all that noise about weaves, are the same brotha's looking at beyonce, janet jackson, and all them other beautiful black actresses. Yet, people want to to hate on everyday sistahs, that just want the opportunity to look a little extra special. As if my mouth has not already gotten me in enough trouble in this thread, I will end with this. Wearing a weave is a womans personal business.....it doesn't make her a sellout, or any less black, or any less loyal to her black people...that mess is bogus. Any one who dont like it, can get in the wind......cuz they can't do :poop: about it.
     
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