Black Parenting : Why Do We Martyr Single Fathers But Demonize Single Mothers?

[chuck]

I have even caught myself doing this. When I see Dad with a baby or child my instincts to offer help kick in immediately. I have feelings of empathy that I probably wouldn't even have for a Mother for some reason,..... especially if the Dad seems to be handling the baby/child in an awkward way.

No doubt! Single Fathers do deserve support, advice, wisdom, etc. I have NO quarrels with that.

Maybe I did not express myself clearly. I STRONGLY believe that "it takes a village to raise a child". And, the village should show up and lend a hand in every way they can, especially for children growing up in single parent households, whether they are male or female. But also in two parent households, too. And, the fading of our villages may be where our current problems began.

My issue is that single Mom's are often demonized due to their disposition. The martyrdom of single Dads is merely added for the sake of clear-cut juxtaposition, of how we have let our single sistas down, imo.

I would like to address what we can do about it. What we can do differently.

I ask you to just go for it

fyi

 

[Liberty]

I ask you to just go for it

fyi

Well I already do, on a one on one level, and I want to do more. I would like others to do more also. I see young girls who don't understand the power in the words they use with their children. I won't help the Mom's financially, but I will give them moral support and share my experiences with them. And I take the children places they haven't been exposed to, or spend time with them doing arts and crafts, or other different things. Sometimes they just want to talk. But, I must admit that there are certain children that are too much for me to deal with.

 

[rapunzal24]

I have even caught myself doing this. When I see Dad with a baby or child my instincts to offer help kick in immediately. I have feelings of empathy that I probably wouldn't even have for a Mother for some reason,..... especially if the Dad seems to be handling the baby/child in an awkward way.

I am the same way. I think mothers are natural comforters,unless she is that one percent that is different. I will add fuel to the fire though. There are few men who are willing to fight for full custody. That is an automatic for most women when filing divorce,and most men don't argue. I will even go so far to say 50/50 is rare. Doesn't mean that the men are bad,it just means that they think it is good enough. So,when I see a man who has full custody....I usually assume that the woman is batish crazy. Maybe I am not right...but I probably am. And that man chose to get his child out of that. That is outside of societal norms,and he loved his child enough to do so. Societal norms are a hell of a drug,so kudos to him. Doesn't take away from single mothers doing there thing....but think about it....for one moment....maybe women are stronger than men in this instance,and that's okay. It is what it is.

 

[Liberty]

I am the same way. I think mothers are natural comforters,unless she is that one percent that is different. I will add fuel to the fire though. There are few men who are willing to fight for full custody. That is an automatic for most women when filing divorce,and most men don't argue. I will even go so far to say 50/50 is rare. Doesn't mean that the men are bad,it just means that they think it is good enough. So,when I see a man who has full custody....I usually assume that the woman is batish crazy. Maybe I am not right...but I probably am. And that man chose to get his child out of that. That is outside of societal norms,and he loved his child enough to do so. Societal norms are a hell of a drug,so kudos to him. Doesn't take away from single mothers doing there thing....but think about it....for one moment....maybe women are stronger than men in this instance,and that's okay. It is what it is.

But, when you make that assumption that the woman must have been bat-ish crazy, when the shoe is on the other foot, what kind of assumptions d you make about the Dad in regards to the single Mom? Do you blame her for her disposition, making bad choices, etc.,?

 

[rapunzal24]

But, when you make that assumption that the woman must have been bat-ish crazy, when the shoe is on the other foot, what kind of assumptions d you make about the Dad in regards to the single Mom? Do you blame her for her disposition, making bad choices, etc.,?

I can't argue with that. From what I see and know personally....for a man to file for full custody two things must be present. The man is a respectable guy,and the mother is extremely whack. Yes, I will say that normally if a court gives full custody to a father...something was off with the woman. It is a biased system. I will even go so far to say that the guy is above the norm as far as men go. Most men don't feel the need to file for full or even 50/50 custody of their own flesh and blood. They are content with the woman having the child the majority of the time,that's okay,npthing wrong with that. But they will not FIGHT for 50/50. Too many responsibilities Sway.