Black Parenting : Why Do We Martyr Single Fathers But Demonize Single Mothers?

[Liberty]

You shole be bring'n da bizness Sister!



Destee

LMAO.... I always wonder how BM and BW feel in general, about a lot of things that we never really talk about.

*smile*

 

[Liberty]

The young or not so young single black father also deserves our advice and support too

fyi

No doubt! Single Fathers do deserve support, advice, wisdom, etc. I have NO quarrels with that.

Maybe I did not express myself clearly. I STRONGLY believe that "it takes a village to raise a child". And, the village should show up and lend a hand in every way they can, especially for children growing up in single parent households, whether they are male or female. But also in two parent households, too. And, the fading of our villages may be where our current problems began.

My issue is that single Mom's are often demonized due to their disposition. The martyrdom of single Dads is merely added for the sake of clear-cut juxtaposition, of how we have let our single sistas down, imo.

I would like to address what we can do about it. What we can do differently.

 

[Liberty]

Because even with some changes in the law, single parent father's are still VERY rare. Moreover, dads aren't raised or socialized to care for the children. Thus, it is ASSumed he is at a disadvantage and needs encouragement, help and praise.





.

Lawdhamercy. Now, I know what kind of day it's gonna be.....
Is it a full moon or something??? I have to agree with Kem? CTFU

Seriously, I do think you describe perfectly the mindset of people who are falling all over themselves to help single Dads. And, I do think it is a good thing..... BUT.....unfortunately these same people (myself included before) have no idea how clueless first time Mom's actually can be.

Some first time Mom's may benefit from experiencing Motherhood secondhand by a relative, friend, etc. So, they have some practical experience. But, women aren't born with the knowledge of how many feedings a baby needs, how to diagnose an ear infection, or infantile colic, or the infinite other things that might ails you child. Nurturing, attentiveness and vibing do come natural, the rest you have to learn. I learned by researching and reading. The first newborn I ever held was my own.

 

[Liberty]

I guess it's because society expects the mother to be nurturing and not so much the dad.

So when people see him sticking around without a partner, it looks sweet and people want to assist, but for a woman, again since that much is expected of her, most focus on why she couldn't keep a man around. Perhaps she ran him off? Perhaps she slept with some loser and should have known better?

That's how people seem to always judge the situation.

Me, I try not to give people too many points for doing something they SHOULD be doing, like rearing their own children, men or women. But I do understand how certain things come more naturally for a woman caring for a child than a man, and why one might feel more sympathetic toward him having to go it alone.

Hey Angela,

You said:

for a woman, again since that much is expected of her, most focus on why she couldn't keep a man around. Perhaps she ran him off? Perhaps she slept with some loser and should have known better?

That is the kind of things I have heard said about single Mom's. I am a divorced Mom, and to me that really isn't different from being a single Mom, for all intents and purposes.

All of the criticisms made about the single Mom, could also apply for the single Dad. Every single one. It baffles me that Dad gets to be the victim, but Mom gets to be the perpetrator, when the shoe is on the other foot.

 

[Liberty]

I guess it's because society expects the mother to be nurturing and not so much the dad.

So when people see him sticking around without a partner, it looks sweet and people want to assist, but for a woman, again since that much is expected of her, most focus on why she couldn't keep a man around. Perhaps she ran him off? Perhaps she slept with some loser and should have known better?

That's how people seem to always judge the situation.

Me, I try not to give people too many points for doing something they SHOULD be doing, like rearing their own children, men or women. But I do understand how certain things come more naturally for a woman caring for a child than a man, and why one might feel more sympathetic toward him having to go it alone.

I have seen many times in places like grocery stores when Mom's kid falls out on the floor and has a full blown tantrum (usually white folks) and people start rolling their eyes at the Mother, shaking their heads, etc. But, in the same situation with a Dad, people are kindhearted and helpful. We need to give Black Mom's more support, that is what am getting at. It will take a lot of change in thought and behavior. But, imagine the effect it would have on single Mom's if all of a sudden they are embraced and supported by their own community.