Black Relationships : Why Do Some Black Women

[Omowale Jabali]

LOL I think Khasm was being sarcastic but you knew that. On the other hand, while I havent read the entire thread I can tell a few things just by the tone of it.


***Disclaimer- Dont take this personal, I believe that you can date/marry who you want as long as you dont live in my house and weren't born from my womb, so whatever. This is also NOT A MALE BASHING ATTEMPT-

For one I believe that interracial dating serves as a diversion from the real problem. The real problem of recognizing white supremacy for what it is and the purpose that it serves. That purpose has been to destroy the black family by weakening and destroying the image and perception of the black man/woman. This has been done in numerous ways since the first time a savage European/Arab set foot into the black lands. The first outward modern expression of this deconstruction was when Napoleon shot the nose from the sphinx.

Secondly and more importantly interracial marriage is still lower than traditional marriage. 1/10 couples are interracial. However the media and a stroll down nearly any street in Florida or Delaware would have you believe that race mixing is happening at break neck speed, when its not lol. This has been happening at a slightly higher rate than it did before the civil war. I think the problem of finding a decent mate (for educated AA women) is occurring and becoming more critical because 1. There are more black females being born than there are men. 2) Black males that are educated either already spoken for or otherwise preoccupied. 3) Many black men cant/wont compete/accept a woman that makes more money than he does. 4) Some Black women who arent educated are too **** busy worried about how much a brother brings home instead of if he brings a check home at all and what kind of person he is or what kind of dreams/aspirations he has, meanwhile she works for 8.50 an hour.

I think the problem with black women/men is that too many of us haven't been taught the value of self worth and expectations and its not entirely the fault of the parents but the system we live under. Again a system that has served its purpose well by making black people desire people outside their nature (blackness) (by default) because the ones who do look like them are unequipt and/unavailable. However I say when you know better you do better and all Im saying (in the words of Lyfe Jennings)is that you have to "be the person you wanna find, dont be a nickle out here looking for a dime" If you want a man/woman with the total package you better have one too or you're wasting your time.

Excellent points!

In regards to two that you made...

#3. Count me in that category because if what you stated in #4.

I had a very short marriage back in the 80s because I married a woman who warned more than I did and she would ride me constantly. We hooked up when I was returning to graduate school and working part time. I never heard of the end it concerning how no good I was so why bother with me in the first place? She had many more options but I guess not as many as I did. lol!

The point is she was do caught up in the moment that she could not recognize my long term earning potential which I rapidly began to actualize once she left me. lol!

So yes, this is why I said before I stopped pursuing or approaching Black women. If they like what they see in me they will approach. Otherwise I have become very settled in rolling solo which is why these types of threads don't really phase me.

One thing I know which is typically overlooked is that I know I ain't no spousal abuser. These sisters think white boys gonna treat them like queens and raise them above the footstools they call white females? Haha! Good luck with that one. Do the research and back to your point #4.

I am sure that folks would be surprised looking at studies done concerning domestic violence. Don't think for a minute that Black men are not being abused at rates higher than Black women in some categories.

And that is the point missed here. White and other non Black women KNOW than on average that Black MEN have lower domestic violence rates than white and Latino men, on average. So, they are more aggressive in pursuing Black men, which increases the options Black men have.

Some folks here got reality twisted yet tell me I am the one who needs to stop reading books. Haha!

I know I shouldn't laugh at such a tragedy but really. There is no reason for me to be upset. Even at my age I have way more options than the bitter lemons in their 20s singing the same sour tune. Lol!

 

[Asomfwaa]

Bro. ABSiblings, if you perceive this exchange as male bashing, then it should stop because I'm sure that is not the intent of the women posting here. And, you're correct, this isn't the 70s but whether we like it or not, times change and cultures shift. Nothing ever stays the same which is why it's called CHANGE. Now, how much of that really matters to us individually or collectively as a people? If it matters a whole lot, then we must ask ourselves, what capacity does each of us have to influence other people's choices?

Each of us can speak to our own individual experiences and direct our paths as we choose to. We can do this more so now in the 21st century than ever before. We can provide data that we think supports our beliefs. As anyone who understands statistics knows, you can always find data that will support any argument you present. Trial lawyers know this very well. But it would be helpful if the debate over the data can be done without all the condescending comments threaded throughout. It really does lower the quality of the conversation. Do Black people have a problem with that?

It's always good to know where you came from, to guide your current path to get you where you want to be. Accept this fact--there is no universal definition of "Black." We self-select and group ourselves with people of like minds, which I suspect is what people of other races do as well. If we find that we have something in common, great. But accept that we will also find that we have uncommon things about us as well. So do we have the right to judge each other based on those characteristics? No, but we certainly seem to take liberties in doing so.

There's no reason for finger pointing and accusations but some people here feel the need to "go there." All this thread has become is a squabble, and WE do that so well.

Sister,

While someone can argue truth and "Blackness" are variable and some, like myself, can argue otherwise, at least we can all agree that Nature doesn't Lie. In fact, we understood this thousands of years ago.

Saying that, Elders have a phrase, "The bees come to the honey."

One time, I was speaking on a similar subject with a Sister and she explained that older women always want to hook younger people up with one another. So to say, older women are concerned about the happiness of the youth. The same can be said of men and women generally.

So we had this Sister coming in ranting against Black men because she's single and she had some bad experience with a Brother. Now no one knows if she does this in real life, but all of us, being concerned for the Sister, took it upon ourselves to tell her that, that's "not honey."

You get what I mean?

I mean--it sounds like an attack, and it sounds like judgment--but really it's "Don't go around talking about Black men like that (or thinking about Black men like that) or you'll always be Single." In other words, it's a 'correction' to a Philosophy that assures singleness.

I mean--the Sister wants a Brother and yet she's following thought patterns that are blocking her from a Brother. In that respect, we, as a community, tried to tell her as much.

And that's a good thing in my book.

If I want something--and I'm thinking about how I can get it in the wrong way--I'd love for someone to sit me down and let me know. I think that, that's a good gesture.

But the Sister in question, or Sisters in question, have taken "personal comments" and made them general with "Oh you're attacking Black women" and "Black men always want to call Black women bitter" when no one is talking about the group when we're talking about them. Kind of like if I had a bad business idea and defending against criticism I said "Oh Black men can't have good ideas now?" I mean, sometimes people are bad mouthing groups, but there isn't a man here bad mouthing every Black woman, not with so many wonderful examples here, where we are, in our books, our lives and our mothers.

 

[Omowale Jabali]

Excellent points!

In regards to two that you made...

#3. Count me in that category because if what you stated in #4.

I had a very short marriage back in the 80s because I married a woman who warned more than I did and she would ride me constantly. We hooked up when I was returning to graduate school and working part time. I never heard of the end it concerning how no good I was so why bother with me in the first place? She had many more options but I guess not as many as I did. lol!

The point is she was do caught up in the moment that she could not recognize my long term earning potential which I rapidly began to actualize once she left me. lol!

So yes, this is why I said before I stopped pursuing or approaching Black women. If they like what they see in me they will approach. Otherwise I have become very settled in rolling solo which is why these types of threads don't really phase me.

One thing I know which is typically overlooked is that I know I ain't no spousal abuser. These sisters think white boys gonna treat them like queens and raise them above the footstools they call white females? Haha! Good luck with that one. Do the research and back to your point #4.

I am sure that folks would be surprised looking at studies done concerning domestic violence. Don't think for a minute that Black men are not being abused at rates higher than Black women in some categories.

And that is the point missed here. White and other non Black women KNOW than on average that Black MEN have lower domestic violence rates than white and Latino men, on average. So, they are more aggressive in pursuing Black men, which increases the options Black men have.

Some folks here got reality twisted yet tell me I am the one who needs to stop reading books. Haha!

I know I shouldn't laugh at such a tragedy but really. There is no reason for me to be upset. Even at my age I have way more options than the bitter lemons in their 20s singing the same sour tune. Lol!

If a sister earns more than a brother she may constantly throw that reality up in his face. Then, if and when a brother matches or exceeds the brother she may get jealous and her mood changes because she now has to come up with another game plan. My one marriage failed as I became more financially stable and my earnings increased. She lost that psychological advantage because still in her mind she was holding that emotional, generational baggage that says "Black men ain't ish". Notice. Not men ain't ish. But Black men ain't ish.

But of course she was following a generational pattern of Black women raising single Black females in single Black homes. Notice I said homes not families.

On the other hand I was raised in dysfunctional generational Black families which is to say a differerent reality where the Black men were typically married, but had multiple marriages to Black women, with a few mixed marriages.

All of my Black male elders/ancestors worked for a living, married Godly women, and built considerable amounts of wealth without depending on welfare or the state.

This goes back to the point sister legit writer made concerning Godly women.

If sisters want to deny the existence of and reject Black men who are righteous and upstanding I don't trip when they choose to go to the Beast.

I got 99 problems but that chick ain't one. lol!

 

[info-moetry]

 

[Destee]

Peace and Blessings Family,

I've not read this entire thread but am aware of the declining respect within it.

Rather than warn and/or babysit all of the possible violations within, i'm gonna just close it.

While we've grown considerably over the years, increasing our ability to respectfully discuss the most challenging of topics, interracial relationship discussions have historically caused more disruption than their worth.

For those who have been disrespectful in this thread, consider this your one free pass.

Everyone is required to discuss respectfully, and if you can't do that you won't be posting here for long.

To those who were able to discuss this challenging topic respectfully, thank you ...

This thread is closed.



Destee