Black Relationships : Why Do Some Black Women

[info-moetry]

I can feel you on that. But only being ONE black man, that doesn't help the scores of others that may not think in that manner.

Not to be contrary but.. respectively, I do not sense or feel that any black woman who chooses to engage in relations with other races as part of a "problem". I am not saying that YOU are saying this. It just moved me when I read it and I wasn't sure where you may have been coming from?

I don't know why it has to be seen as a PROBLEM? why not just a choice? Why does loving someone other than your own race, even in THIS country have make any black woman WHO she is, instead of it just being LOVE? Or how about personal choice since we can't speak for everyone's motives? I don't see it as a problem, I see it as choice.

I can not be held exclusively or culturally responsible for the choices of what others of my race make, nor can I worry about what the future holds concerning black people. We all know the ills of this culture, society and world at large but that does not dictate what my heart says to be true (for me) and that is that LOVE has no color and has no boundaries. No matter what has happened in our cultural past, which needs to be looked at, examined and healed, down to what we STILL face now, it doesn't mean that I have to follow suit with those that perpetuate hate, violence and disconnection.

But that is just ME.

peace

I think Brother khas. means "problem", in the sense of the black FAMILY dynamic. Not, PROBLEM as in your choice to date white 'men'.

But, then again wouldn't that be the same thing? If the black man is the PROBLEM, then that would cause his woman to seek other means of comfort & stability as exactly what is being discussed in this thread. So maybe that is how he meant it and i would have to agree.

 

[Moon Child]

peace

I think Brother khas. means "problem", in the sense of the black FAMILY dynamic. Not, PROBLEM as in your choice to date white 'men'.

But, then again wouldn't that be the same thing? If the black man is the PROBLEM, then that would cause his woman to seek other means of comfort & stability as exactly what is being discussed in this thread. So maybe that is how he meant it and i would have to agree.

Thank you for clearing that up Info... who knows when he comes back on he will be able to clear it all up. I have MADE NO CHOICE TO DATE WHITE men. Although this thread speaks specifically about black women dating white men, I interjected ANY man of any OTHER race can be viable choices. I have a personal preference for men of color, just not exclusively black men.

I also need to clear up that I NEVER SAID THAT THE BLACK MAN IS THE PROBLEM . I think there is a much greater dynamic going on here that is a combination of perceived and very real "ills" than just one gender of our race. That wouldn't be fair or accurate in my opinion to put it on black men. I love black men, but they are just toxic for ME, that has been my experience and I can't apologize for that.

I just hold the position that we all need to be free to love in different spaces without it always being perceived as doom and gloom for the black community. Yes, it is changing rapidly but it has always been in the process of change, never staying the same. We are one of the most dynamic cultural groups, so why does it have to be doom and gloom when change is upon us?

Just curious.

 

[info-moetry]

Thank you for clearing that up Info... who knows when he comes back on he will be able to clear it all up. I have MADE NO CHOICE TO DATE WHITE men. Although this thread speaks specifically about black women dating white men, I interjected ANY man of any OTHER race can be viable choices. I have a personal preference for men of color, just not exclusively black men.

I also need to clear up that I NEVER SAID THAT THE BLACK MAN IS THE PROBLEM . I think there is a much greater dynamic going on here that is a combination of perceived and very real "ills" than just one gender of our race. That wouldn't be fair or accurate in my opinion to put it on black men. I love black men, but they are just toxic for ME, that has been my experience and I can't apologize for that.

I just hold the position that we all need to be free to love in different spaces without it always being perceived as doom and gloom for the black community. Yes, it is changing rapidly but it has always been in the process of change, never staying the same. We are one of the most dynamic cultural groups, so why does it have to be doom and gloom when change is upon us?

Just curious.

peace

Don't misunderstand me, i hear your position loud and clear and i respect your decision. Just as i see you respecting others as well. I was just stating that some brothers like khas and myself also take the blame/responsibilty for some of our other brothers mistreating the black woman, thus the 'I'm part of the problem" statement. It makes all black men look bad, espescially on a message board where so much about each other is unknown and we're trying to solve/discuss relationship problems.

I love black men, but they are just toxic for ME, that has been my experience and I can't apologize for that.

- trust me. I know plenty of 'toxic brothers', but they always seem to have a black female on their arm, so how will they ever fully realize their toxisitivity if the black woman doesn't start to deny them entrance into heaven?

Not blaming anyone, just stating a harsh reality.

I'm not going to do the 'swirl' just because of a few bad relationships with black woman who didn't know who they were and didn't care to know. I will never turn my back on ya'll. I know the ancestors to well and would have to consider myself a type of 'strange fruit' if i were to do that.

But that's me...

 

[Khasm13]

I can feel you on that. But only being ONE black man, that doesn't help the scores of others that may not think in that manner.

Not to be contrary but.. respectively, I do not sense or feel that any black woman who chooses to engage in relations with other races as part of a "problem". I am not saying that YOU are saying this. It just moved me when I read it and I wasn't sure where you may have been coming from?

I don't know why it has to be seen as a PROBLEM? why not just a choice? Why does loving someone other than your own race, even in THIS country have make any black woman WHO she is, instead of it just being LOVE? Or how about personal choice since we can't speak for everyone's motives? I don't see it as a problem, I see it as choice.

I can not be held exclusively or culturally responsible for the choices of what others of my race make, nor can I worry about what the future holds concerning black people. We all know the ills of this culture, society and world at large but that does not dictate what my heart says to be true (for me) and that is that LOVE has no color and has no boundaries. No matter what has happened in our cultural past, which needs to be looked at, examined and healed, down to what we STILL face now, it doesn't mean that I have to follow suit with those that perpetuate hate, violence and disconnection.

But that is just ME.

brother info hit the nail on the head in terms of where i was coming from sister...

my intent in this thread was not to put anyone on the defense but to simply illustrate my personal
views on the matter...just 50 years ago brothers were getting lynched for being with white women and that matters not to some brothers in todays time...thas on them if they choose to ignore the history of our relations in this country

the mental warfare and the economic warfare waged against the black family is still at a high level...the visual images of the black family are constantly under attack in this country and it's a reason for that...unity starts at home, if we are disjointed where we rest our heads we have no chance in an adversarial world that plots our downfall for the most part...

when i talk on this site it is always in reference to myself and what i believe/how i act...i can speak for no one but myself...i cannot speak for black women nor do i ever wish too...if u choose to settle down with a caucasian that is ur personal choice and i have nothing to do with it...all i can do is continue to build with my black queen...my mother always told me that the easiest path is not always the correct one...respectfully of course

one love
khasm

 

[Moon Child]

peace

Don't misunderstand me, i hear your position loud and clear and i respect your decision. Just as i see you respecting others as well. I was just stating that some brothers like khas and myself also take the blame/responsibilty for some of our other brothers mistreating the black woman, thus the 'I'm part of the problem" statement. It makes all black men look bad, espescially on a message board where so much about each other is unknown and we're trying to solve/discuss relationship problems.

- trust me. I know plenty of 'toxic brothers', but they always seem to have a black female on their arm, so how will they ever fully realize their toxisitivity if the black woman doesn't start to deny them entrance into heaven?

Not blaming anyone, just stating a harsh reality.

I'm not going to do the 'swirl' just because of a few bad relationships with black woman who didn't know who they were and didn't care to know. I will never turn my back on ya'll. I know the ancestors to well and would have to consider myself a type of 'strange fruit' if i were to do that.

But that's me...

I have to say that I embrace your words and outlook! I am amazed at your insights and candor.

I have to agree with you on so many points... black women do NEED to stop dating and engaging toxic black men. I myself have denied access over the years and very recently, to just those kinds of men period, I need to say that not all of them have been just black men, but the majority were.

I am seeking a sense of relating that involves positive energy and does not subscribe to the ills nor the low brow mentality that so many seem to have and embrace, so for me, I SEEM like an "odd fruit" to many of our brothas, although a much desired "catch", according to them. It just never seems to be a good "fit". At times it leave me feel a deep sense of sadness.

However.....

I have never turned my back on the brotha's and still don't plan on doing it entirely, I am a idealist and firmly believe that there is one out there for me, but I can't hold the thought of it only being a black man, life is too short and I gotta a whole lotta love to give!

I am fortune to have my ancestors range from many ethnic and cultural backgrounds, believe me, I thought of that one, so I think I am clear on that! LOL But I need to be honest, the white man is NOT my first choice, more like my last.

Love to ya!