Black Relationships : WHY DO BLACK MEN SHOW ALL HIS CHARM AND GOOD MANNERS WHEN TALKING WITH A WHITE WOMAN

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by HODEE, Nov 30, 2004.

  1. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There was a post by Radical Faith yesterday that got me thinking. I want to post his question and my response and expand from there.

    WHY DO BLACK MEN SHOW ALL HIS CHARM AND GOOD MANNERS WHEN TALKING WITH A WHITE WOMAN OR ANOTHER WOMAN NOT OF AFRICAN AMERICAN ORIGIN. HE WILL START OUT WITH THE SMOOTH RAP, WITH A SISTER BUT LATER SHOW IS ARSE. WHY?





     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello Brother HODEE ... this is an interesting thread, in that there was another titled like it that asked the same question about Sisters. That thread has received 11 pages of responses! I wonder if the same Sisters and Brothers that took part in it, will have comments for this one, and how different those comments may be. We shall see.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a good question brother Hodee; however, it is best posed to those that actually behave this way. I was born of a black woman...am married to a black woman...am the father of a future black woman! As a result of all this, there is no other woman I respect & love more than a black woman. All this being said I have encountered black men who value women of other races moreso than they do black women (although they aren't as numerous as often suggested). Because every black person is born of a black person (actually two black people), rejecting blacks in favor of other races can only be viewed as ultimately rejecting oneself.
     
  4. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks Destee for linking the two.

    I was watching Judge Elders show yesterday. The subject was black men dating white women. This one sister was married to a white man and she was very adamant about not letting her son marry a white woman. This one brother brought his girl on the show he had been dating for a few months. He was all nice and loving to her. Kissing and holding hands and stuff. Wore a tie and all.. presenting himself as a professional. Did he always dress like this? The question to her was. What do you know about blacks, and are willing to learn? Could you teach your mixed black children to love who they are, and grow up understanding the struggles of black americans? This other brother came on the show he said he was never dating black women again. He said the are to demanding. The needs of a white woman is no different? What did he mean?

    How do your parents and family feel about you you dating a black man? She never answered this question.

    This is a difficult issue. Attraction crosses lines. When it was dangerous to be with a white woman, this didn't happen. White men have always desired black women. I have had some ask me to hook them up. lol

    If we were ever good natured. Like I know we were. Why does it show more for the opposite conflicting race? We don't feel like were kissing up. Selling out. Yet we may be. Those couples being attacked may be attacked for this reason. Showing to another race of women what they can't and don't show and give naturally to women of our own race. Respect. When a white woman turns down advances I have never heard her called out her name. Not to her face by a brother.

    Women in general have a power over the weakness of men. Our weakness is to be bedded. All the time. Do you fellows think postate cancer in men is because we need to release more than we do? You know milk does spoil. Maybe that is something that should be studied.

    When I was younger I felt an attraction to white women because I have never had one. I had opportunitys that I didn't take. This one young lady had me pinned for her man. Things flowed to easy, to me it was uncomfortable.

    Hormonal drive has a lot to do with what I see. Some brothers just are slick and would be the same way with any woman.
     
  5. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i have a real problem with statements such as this.

    i am quite honest and i have never done this, indeed, it has been the reverse.
    why, because i know i can always get a white girl, no problem.
    i don't need to shine, just be me.

    the sisters, on the other hand were taking me home to meet their parents and such.
    i had to be on my best behavior.

    i think we should be careful with the negative stereotypes.

    i also think that those who have not played the game should not be acting as if they are so knowledgeable about the game.
    if you don't know, just ask somebody.
     
  6. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Its OK if your having an issue with the statement. I have seen the fakers. I know the fakers. More power to them. Tell me what you know about what I said.

    Admit first you know some fakers.

    " i don't need to shine, just be me.

    the sisters, on the other hand were taking me home to meet their parents and such.
    i had to be on my best behavior. "


    Is this a contradiction? If your always being you. Then you don't have to change when meeting the parents. Did I read this wrong? Are you saying you have a behavior change happening?


    I think I said all fellows aren't this way.

    " Not all of us are like this fellows. But many are."

    " I also think that those who have not played the game should not be acting as if they are so knowledgeable about the game.
    if you don't know, just ask somebody. "


    So I'm asking you. Tell me about the game. Do I need to act one way with a white woman, and another to get a sister?
     
  7. indya

    indya Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Maybe some black men do this at the beginning because they are unsure how to talk to white women. Maybe they don't feel the need to be as careful when they talk to a sister.

    Many people are trying to put their best foot forward when first dating. I know my husband was very dressed up when he first dated me and had to meet my whole family.
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    These types of questions are throwing me because I never was aware that things like this happened or at least let's just say, I never personally have witnessed them. Without a doctoral degree in psychology or psychoanalysis, how can one reasonably explain why some people behave in the way that Brother HODEE has described?

    I recall the lengthy discussion in the thread that Sister Destee pointed out and my thought then as I do now is that if there's anyone out there who is 'guilty' of treating someone of another race better than their own--well--what have WE as a people really lost? In my opinion--nothing. Let'em go on and do their thing because it certainly isn't a reflection on me and I won't accept the blame as such. At least not without a fight.

    If there is a DEEPER issue hidden in these questions, such as self-hatred or hatred of where you came from or even hatred of other people like you...then there needs to be a different kind of discussion around these topics and I don't see them taking up much of our time. If there is a "brother" or "sister" out there with guts enough to ADMIT to this, all I will encourage you all to do is to remember the community rules about showing respect and use of profanity.

    MHO...Queenie :spinstar:
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    no, just be yourself and i wish you all the luck in the world in your pursuit.
     
  10. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well put. The question was posed Queen because I have seen and know brothers that have struggled with their best vocabulary, and manners to impress a woman of another race, but felt they could continue the grabbing crouch and ghetto slang when talking with a sister.


    What I did ask for is for the fellows to come clean on the issue. We have seen it happen. I have read threads like the one Destee linked where the accusation was against sisters. I see this happen from black women too. I didn't comment on the thread.

    You stated it correct. Nothing lost. I let them be. If the lady falls for the fake, its on her. She will find out later he is just an Ike Turner.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2014
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