Black Relationships : WHY ARE SISTERS SO BAD AT CHOOSING MEN?

[kente417mojo]

I'm not really sure if it's nature that is screwing up the minds of some women. Any woman that sees a thug as being a symbol of power is totally out of touch with reality. Power is not being unemployed. Power is not hanging out on the corner or at clubs before you even graduate high school. I also don't think women do these things for the survival of species. I think some women don't use their heads enough when it comes to picking a man, so thinking that far into the future is not going to happen. They see what they want to see. Someone they can brag to their friends about his car, his nice place and all the stuff he buys her. She probably likes to show him off and display him in front of them to make her feel like more of a woman, if he's good looking enough. Let's be realistic and not try to justify these bad choices. Why some women have no control over men hiding their bad qualities, there are many women that think they can change a man or they are just simply looking for thrills. Then they get played and abused and they turn around and blame it on the man.......whom has never shown himself to be anything other than a thug or loser.

I really don't think"nice guys" should have to change anything. I mean, the women are the one's with the messed up priorities in this situation. All a guy can do is be himself and not try to live up to the image that's popular at the time. Macho-crap fades out and women need to realize that under all that hype is the real loser who can give you nothing but a trip to the clinic.

 

[HerukhuMaat]

Wow..funny how it's mostly the brother's responding...

Now for my $2.00 (given the price of inflation it can no longer be 2 cents).

We have to start expecting more from each other. No blame game here. We have to stop accepting mediocrity from both our men and women. Stop saying there are no good men. Stop insisting there are no good women. Expect the best from people and that's what you'll get.

We black people have a lot of prejudices against each other. One little flaw in behavior an we're ready to say..."ooh ooh..see that he's/she's a no good man/woman" We almost expect each other to be flawed. We look for excuses to say that our men or women are jacked up.

Now when our grandmothers and grandfathers were lying in each other's feces and vomit at the bottom of the slave ship, what the hell do you think were on their minds? Certainly not this petty BS we go one about these days about good man or good woman.

I've heard about post-slavery trauma, however our self esteem as a people is so low that we constantly don't give each other a chance. Now when white people and other races don't give us a chance that's just a reflection of what we project on each other.

My question is...Where is our pride?

 

[Sanaiah25]

A good man has to know himself and know what types of women are good for him. He then needs to find anyway he can to get with such a woman and attempt a relationship. Good men should have a one strike rule though. She gets on shot to recognize his worth and if she doesnt, then he either gets her out his life, or goes along with her "lets be freinds" idea, but does not allow her to change her mind later.

Sometimes you gotta let people go and screw up. I will definitely let a woman who is my "freind" continue to chase the wrong men because women caught up in this cycle simply refer to a good man as "jelous" or "bitter" if he warns her about the company she keeps. Sometimes you gotta let people do as they please then tell them "serves you right" as my mother did when I was growing up and I screwed up thanks to hard headedness.

I used to think this way too, until i realized that while puninshing the other party, there was no way to avoid punishing myself. If someone you love realizes that they love you just as much, and you say "serves you right" out of pride and spite, it may be satisfying for a little while but it won't last. Especially if you do this repeatedly, chances are you will lose out on your soulmate because you did the very thing you were chastising them for. So then you end up alone, or with someone who is not your soulmate . Two wrongs still don't make a right even in this situation. It's like sabotaging your own happiness , which puts you right back where u started

 

[Sanaiah25]

I'm not really sure if it's nature that is screwing up the minds of some women. Any woman that sees a thug as being a symbol of power is totally out of touch with reality. Power is not being unemployed. Power is not hanging out on the corner or at clubs before you even graduate high school. I also don't think women do these things for the survival of species. I think some women don't use their heads enough when it comes to picking a man, so thinking that far into the future is not going to happen. They see what they want to see. Someone they can brag to their friends about his car, his nice place and all the stuff he buys her. She probably likes to show him off and display him in front of them to make her feel like more of a woman, if he's good looking enough. Let's be realistic and not try to justify these bad choices. Why some women have no control over men hiding their bad qualities, there are many women that think they can change a man or they are just simply looking for thrills. Then they get played and abused and they turn around and blame it on the man.......whom has never shown himself to be anything other than a thug or loser.

I really don't think"nice guys" should have to change anything. I mean, the women are the one's with the messed up priorities in this situation. All a guy can do is be himself and not try to live up to the image that's popular at the time. Macho-crap fades out and women need to realize that under all that hype is the real loser who can give you nothing but a trip to the clinic.

The day every black man (or atleast the majority) stop aspiring to be "no good" or "thug" symbols in our community, women will no longer have them to chose from. They will be surrounded by men who are ready for healthy relationships, and won't have a choice but to join in. So obviously the problem can't just be the women, because we can't choose from an "imaginary" or "non-existent" majority pool of men. It's impossible :ref:. So until that happens, instead of blaming the women (which isn't changing anything), blame those among yourself who are making it hard for good men like you. Hold them accountable if you want results.

 

[Sekhemu]

The day every black man (or atleast the majority) stop aspiring to be "no good" or "thug" symbols in our community, women will no longer have them to chose from. They will be surrounded by men who are ready for healthy relationships, and won't have a choice but to join in. So obviously the problem can't just be the women, because we can't choose from an "imaginary" or "non-existent" majority pool of men. It's impossible :ref:. So until that happens, instead of blaming the women (which isn't changing anything), blame those among yourself who are making it hard for good men like you. Hold them accountable if you want results.

The day every black man (or atleast the majority ) stop aspiring to be "no good" or "thug" symbols in our community, women will no longer have them to chose from

Most black men aspire to be "no good"? What a bunch of BS. This is just another myth. Most black men DO NOT aspire to be no good thugs, most young black men are not in the correction system, in fact most of us get up and go to work, pay our taxes and respect our families like any other group of men. The black men who do aspire to be thugs are doing so because they know some of our women want a bad boy and equate being a man with looking and acting like a knucklehead, even the females who are raised in a "good home".

They will be surrounded by men who are ready for healthy relationships, and won't have a choice to join in.

Apparently you have fallen for the lie that there are so few good black man "out there" there as well. You've managed to place the failure of black women finding a good man soley on the shoulders of the man. When a so-called boring or square black man gets overlooked by a black women, I suppose this is his fault as well right?

So obviously the problem can't be just the women

True, but they are half of the problem and half of the solution.

because we can't choose from an "imaginary" or "non-existant" pool of men. It's impossible

Is that so? Yet how is it possible that these women continue having children with thugs and no good doers with out demanding the commitment of marriage? Perhaps the only thing imaginary and non-existant is good self-esteem and common sense.

So until that happens, instead of blaming the women, blame those among "yourself" who are making it hard for men like you. Hold them accountable if you want results

I suggest you take your own advice by not pointing the finger at the black man. If anyone needs to be held accountable it's the parents who have allowed boys to grow up like weeds and girls to grow up too fast. Once again, you have blamed all black men for the results of failed relationships. This is not only irresponsible but it's dangerous. It's just too bad you don't see it.

The demonization of the black man must stop!