Black Relationships : Who should pay for the date? The man or the woman?

Sekhemu said:
Thanks for the comment. I think financial compatabilty is an issue for those who expect have unrealistic expectations on the other person, and/or make money the end all be all to the relationship.
YOu are welcome to your opinion-- and I've said a million times it isn;t the end all or be all, just one of MY requirements.


Sekhemu said:
It's unfortunate that so many of our people spend as much time as we do concerned with money for the wrong reasons.
Right and wrong are relative and what is a concern of yours may not be for me and vice versa

Sekhemu said:
Particuliarly whena woman expects a man to have money when she meets him, that takes the focus off of getting to know who this person really is.
Let me tell you from my experience nothing takes the focus off of getting to know someone like worrying about bills.

Sekhemu said:
Men are reading the wrong messages when a woman expects the man to pay for the date, to men it means that the woman owes him something. After a few dates he believes the woman owes him sex. This is the message that is coming across. Naturally when the woman says no, it doesn't mean sex, that's when the kaakaa hits the fan.
For a person without a generous dispostion, the act of giving will always demand an equal gift in return. The many men with extra finances that I've dated don't have a problem sharing-- esp for something as simple as a date-- I don't ask for extravagant gifts, in fact I rarely ask for anything. A guy without a genereous heart will feel that he's lost something and wants something in return. A woman who isn't really interested in someone will feel that her sex or attention warrants $$. she isn't giving that because she honestly enjoys spending time with the man.


Sekhemu said:
I think some women want chivalry but also want to wear the pants at the same time. Women like this want to be taken care of and be treated equal to the man at the same time.
Well I certainly am not that kind of woman, Any guy I've dated long term has been a "head of the household" kind of guy. We make decisions together, but he has the final say (on most issues) of course there has been a lot of leeway because I wasn't actually married any of these guys, but if I don't see that quality in a man he isn't for me--Not that there is anything wrong with him-it's just not my cup of tea.



Sekhemu said:
This is why I say you can't want independence and chivalry simultaneously. Because this sends men the wrong message.

True independence means that you can take care of yourself with our without a man. And you don't expect a man to do anything for you that you wouldn't do yourself.
I take very good care of myself , and I believe thats a major reason men are attracted to me. It isn't an issue of what I wouldn't do for myself, but of dividing some of the responsibilities in a home to economize on time and energy. No one is conpletely independent, WE all need love, security, and to feel needed among other things. Every one has different needs, desires and abilities , which is why we all date different kinds of people. The men I date like me, they tend to not enjoy dating women with major 50-70 hour a week careers.
I don't like to date men who can't provide me with stability and security.


Sekhemu said:
You haven't answered my question about whether a man has to have a "decent" income before he dates?
Just before he dates me! --Now I've had a few flings w/ men who didn't meet all my standards, and I've been a fling for a few guys who felt I didn't posess all the qualities they wanted, but for a serious relationship, there are certain things I insist upon.


Sekhemu said:
Also I can relate to you being family oriented. But do you think it would be wiser if you had enough money put away to do the things you mentioned like retiring early etc, before you get serious with a man?
I don't have a family now and I came into this world with enough money to see me through as long as I act responsibly. I wouldn't have any children until my family situation was in place......for me thats a strong provider as a husband who can protect, guide and care for his family...............................as a side note I'm generally attracted to older men 20+ years. so they are at the age where their career and investments are stable.-- I'm not talking feeble old men, but the sexy muscular late 40's- mid 50's guys.
 
Dancing_Nina said:
YOu are welcome to your opinion-- and I've said a million times it isn;t the end all or be all, just one of MY requirements.


Right and wrong are relative and what is a concern of yours may not be for me and vice versa


Let me tell you from my experience nothing takes the focus off of getting to know someone like worrying about bills.


For a person without a generous dispostion, the act of giving will always demand an equal <A TITLE="Click for more information about <A TITLE="Click for more information about gift" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||gifts|AA1VDw">gift</A>" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||gifts|AA1VDw">gift</A> in return. The many men with extra finances that I've dated don't have a problem sharing-- esp for something as simple as a date-- I don't ask for extravagant gifts, in fact I rarely ask for anything. A guy without a genereous heart will feel that he's lost something and wants something in return. A woman who isn't really interested in someone will feel that her sex or attention warrants $$. she isn't giving that because she honestly enjoys spending time with the man.


Well I certainly am not that kind of woman, Any guy I've dated long term has been a "head of the household" kind of guy. We make decisions together, but he has the final say (on most issues) of course there has been a lot of leeway because I wasn't actually married any of these guys, but if I don't see that quality in a man he isn't for me--Not that there is anything wrong with him-it's just not my cup of tea.



I take very good care of myself , and I believe thats a major reason men are attracted to me. It isn't an issue of what I wouldn't do for myself, but of dividing some of the responsibilities in a home to economize on time and energy. No one is conpletely independent, WE all need love, security, and to feel needed among other things. Every one has different needs, desires and abilities , which is why we all date different kinds of people. The men I date like me, they tend to not enjoy <A TITLE="Click for more information about <A TITLE="Click for more information about dating" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||dating|AA1VDw">dating</A>" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||dating|AA1VDw">dating</A> women with major 50-70 hour a week careers.
I don't like to date men who can't provide me with stability and security.


Just before he dates me! --Now I've had a few flings w/ men who didn't meet all my standards, and I've been a fling for a few guys who felt I didn't posess all the qualities they wanted, but for a serious relationship, there are certain things I insist upon.


I don't have a family now and I came into this world with enough money to see me through as long as I act responsibly. I wouldn't have any children until my family situation was in place......for me thats a strong provider as a husband who can protect, guide and care for his family...............................as a side note I'm generally attracted to older men 20+ years. so they are at the age where their career and investments are stable.-- I'm not talking feeble old men, but the sexy muscular late 40's- mid 50's guys.
First of all the points I made were in general. I thought it was interesting that you took it to mean you specifically. If I wanted to address you, it would have been made very clear

So there is no need to put what I said in quotations, ofcourse unless you feel defensive in some way.

Funny that you would want to get to know a person at the outset by discussing money or bills. Perhaps you work in a profession where money is constantly a focus? By the way what do you do for a living?

From my experience, a man of 40 years young, discussing money before you really get to know someone is in very poor taste, you obviously have a different value system.

Does generosity translate into "him" spending money rather than sharing something intangible with just as much value, if not more?

If this generosity is based on something simple as a date, then I should think you would have no problem spending money on him either, right?

You are jumping from men being attracted to you because of your looks i.e. taking care of yourself, to sharing responsibilities and economizing time and energy. My point was why do you need to wait until after you get married to have more resources than you would need for the things you want in your latter years. This is like waiting on a man to come and help you get them rather than doing for self.

Or is it that because of your looks you feel that you deserve this?

You are waiting for a man to provide you with something that you will not or cannot do on your own. This is a surefire way to be disappointed in the long run.
 
Sekhemu said:
Nah! never that :grin:

awwwww ... okay ... :driveby:

:lol:

Such a blessing to have you with us Brother Sekhemu, it would be an honor to meet your Queen. Please ask her to join us. :love:

:heart:

Destee
 
Well it's obvious that not only the last post, but this one also was directed at me--And over the yeas in various forums that I've participated in it's been PRETTY common to divide up posts.....At this point I'd rather take our discussion off board out of respect to every one else since the original ?? is who should pay for the date, and you and I are the only ones involved in the tangent. You will have to PM me for that since it isn't one of my user capabilities. But I'm not to pressed either way since we probably won't ever be dating.
YOu seem to be taking this awfully personal though---Why is that? OH and I've never asked a man how much money he makes... Jumpin' to conclusions huh?

BTW in order to avoid the HTML inserts when quoting someone's previous post simply delete any inserted ad links--I noticed them throughout the board on a few other postings.
 

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