Black Relationships : Who should pay for the date? The man or the woman?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by panafrica, Jun 6, 2004.

  1. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brothers this is something that we have all had to deal with at one time or another. Much of the rules of dating were created at a time when men made all the money, and women didn't work. In today's times when a woman is just as likely to make as much if not more than a man.

    Are the rules of dating still the same? Is a man required to pay for a date if a woman asks him out? Should a man always pay for the 1st date? If you have paid for the last 7 outings...do you expect a woman to treat you sometime? Brothers let me know what you think.
     
  2. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I believe whoever ask the other person out should pay for the date, and take it from there
     
  3. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well I'm certainly not a man, but I will give my input. And this is just my opinion and need I say I live by this as well.
    First of all, communication is very important, if I ever (and I never) ask a man out to dinner, whoever pays depends on:
    1. who have the money,
    2. who or which one can afford to buy at the time,
    3. depends on what job he/she has that will allow them to eat out,
    and if the relationship turns into more,...it really dosen't matter who pays. First of all, I seldom eat out, but when I do, if I ask my mate/friend/husband or whatever we chose to call them, out for dinner, then I have no problem at all paying.
     
  4. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This sounds fair to me Queentswana....I would have no problem with this.

    On this issue, I remember this one lady I was friends with. She would always ask me out to movies & events that I was not even interested in...yet she would always expect me to pay (because I was a man). Now I was a college student back then, and was trying to pay my way through. This woman knew this, but still felt that I should pay because I was a man, and had a more prestigious job (in title only). Well one day I did her taxes for her....she made more money than I did!! :censored: After that I insisted that she start paying for more of our outings.....her refusal was a major reason I ended our friendship (I had no intention of being used). On the other side, she felt I was wrong, and could not understand why I cut her out of my life.
     
  5. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Panafrica, what would you have done if you hadn't found out how much money she made? lol How did you feel about paying before the "revealing"?

    A few years back, I would not have given it a second thought in paying for entertainment no matter who asked first, but the dynamics of relationships have changed dramatically and now, even though it's difficult sometimes, I don't have a problem anymore with the lady paying. From talking to other brothers, it's almost expected that the lady should pick up the tab occassionally, so the brothers doesn't feel being used as you mentioned in your post.

    I think "pumping" the gas can generate another question along the same vein as the one you asked. LOL! Life is so interesting :confused: :confused:
     
  6. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It just goes to show...different strokes for different folks. She was a fool in no other terms, if I was in her shoes, it would have given me the upmost pleasure to "Treat" you out to dinner...only for the fact that I would be so proud that a black man is about something, and going in the right direction. And being that I could afford it? ...the fact of who's paying, would have never came up...that's on the real! Infact I would go out of my way to show and let him know that what he's becomming of himself is much to be desired, our black men need that kind of backbone and uplifting from their other half. It's a sad thing when one keeps their hand balded to tight. (just my opinion)
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You answered your own question ZeroGravity: A woman should pick up the tab every once in a while (not necessarily every other time). This is especially true if the male & female are only friends (as was the case between me and this woman).
     
  8. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with Sekhemu in saying whomever ask should pay. I don't think anyone should be paying all the time just because of gender. I think that there is a problem with issues like these, because most women I talk to don't want to pay any tabs or pump gas for their own car. It's kind of funny because when it comes to certain things (bills, dinner, movies, drinks at bars, pumping gas, moving stuff, mowing the lawn, etc) it's the man's job. When there's cooking, housework, changing diapers it should be a joint effort???? Can't have it both ways ladies. :nono: :lol: :lol:
    I do think that it should be balanced because in a world where women can and do make more money than men, going out can be expensive if all the burden falls on one person. If both people agree to dinner and a movie, one person pay for dinner, the other pay for the movie and refreshments.
     
  9. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I have not thoroughly read all of the responses to the question asked in this thread but here's what I think.

    First of all, I believe "dating" takes place between people who are friends. They are either friends already or want to get to know each other better which could result in friendship. Under those circumstances, I think that when friends do things that cost money, they should pay their own way, unless someone can't afford it and a friend either loans them the money or agrees to give it as a gift to their friendship.

    A man shouldn't be expected to pay each time he asks a woman-friend to go out and do something together. A woman can most certainly take responsibility for her own entertainment in this regard. If they want to share and exchange times they pay, they can discuss this and agree, but nothing should ever be assumed by either just because one friend is a man and the other a woman.

    When or if a relationship develops into something more serious (courtship where a commitment to each other is made), then the two can share costs as an act to demonstrate how serious they are to each other and a showing of generosity and a giving spirit. These types of things will usually make people smile, feel special and be closer in spirit.

    I hope that makes sense.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    gosh ... i haven't had a date in so long ... i think i'd pay ... :wink:

    :heart:

    Destee
     
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