Black Relationships : Who should be hurt, who should feel ashamed?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Koolaid_smile, Aug 6, 2004.

  1. Koolaid_smile

    Koolaid_smile Active Member MEMBER

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    The past three months, I have been stuck in an unhealthy, obsessive and verbally abusive relationship. You see we started out with a homey lover friend deal. Sex only. People say Word? An 18 year old? Too young, but true. I wanted to diminsh the feelings I had for a previous guy who I had a one night stand with. You see the previous guy had a girlfriend I didn't know about, so I was hurt. This guy I found out later had a girlfriend, but I didn't care. I didn't care until he started having feelings for me, and then I started having the same. Well maybe the same. He broke up with his girlfriend and we started dating. Later, the friend that hooked us up was the one he cheated on me with. Drama, right? The day we broke up he went back to his girlfriend. I wanted to be friends with him and he wanted to be friends with me (after a grieving period) but I still have feelings for him (even though he treats me badly by calling me names, seeing my whereabouts, and stalking me at work) and he still has a girlfriend. Now I just want to get over him. I don't know how, so I need a little help in this department. I want to be with him in a way because I feel like I love him even though he can be such a ***** sometimes, but I can't when he has a girlfriend and now she wants to fight me. Could y'all help me out?
     
  2. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    PITIFUL

    YEAH I SAID IT. GIRL YOU PITIFUL! YOU KNOW THIS GUY IS ALL WRONG YET YOU CONTINUE TO HAVE CONTACT WITH THIS NUT TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WITH THE CLOWN. IF HE WERE A FRIEND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HIS GIRL WANTING TO WHIP YOUR ***! BUT I GUESS IT'S ALL HIS FAULT HUH? YOU ONLY WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND RIGHT? GIVE ME A BREAK! GIRL KEEP YOUR PANTIES UP AND CHILL WITH THE QUICK RELATIONSHIPS.
    BUT YOU'LL PROBABLY MOVE ONTO ANOTHER GUY THAT IS JUST LIKE HIM THOUGH.
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    sounds like a little celibacy is in order.

    you sound confused as hell and i suggest getting some counseling from a professional who can give you an objective point of view.

    why would anyone be attracted to a person who does not treat them nice?

    is that what you think of your self?

    get help! :eek:
     
  4. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am interested to know what you look for in a man??

    I bet it is all the qualities of guys you pass over, but if you are lucky, you kept some of these guys as "friends" while dating jerks you love to complain about so step to one of them for a relationship if you need one that bad.

    Go to the thread about why black women are so bad at choosing men while you are at it.

    Good luck.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    surely one can't see what ya heart see or feel but it seem that
    he's not what u need , u can make the change and seek a love
    far greater then what u bottled up in ....remember sexuality is
    the reason one was their and a one night stand was what u got
    know your body is much more then this and some nice chat
    i wish you luck and blessing to get out this maze of destruction
     
  6. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My momma use to say; make sure you in love with the man not the sex.
    Sex do interfere in emotions more then ppl think.
    Do some self-searching. Look within your self; see if this is the life you really want. He already cheated on you, calls you names that is lack of respect if he don’t respect you don’t need him as a friend or a boyfriend. And I am pretty sure you deserve better. And want more out a relationship then he is showing you, or gave you.

    Peace and good luck
    Angel
     
  7. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Koolaid Smile, I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to come here and share your story with us. The situation that you described you're in is an unfortunate one but not hopeless. Since you have asked for advice to help you, here's the best that I can suggest for you to consider doing: seek professional help and do your best to stay away from him.

    Advice is easy to give, living it is much, much tougher. As you can see, some people might think the solution is a simple one and lack compassion in dishing out their advice to you. Don't take it too hard nor should you feel badly about yourself because you lack the strength and courage right now to get yourself out of a bad situation. If you really want help to get over this man, then you must be prepared to do what is necessary to get him out of your head, heart and life.

    We all make mistakes in relationships from time to time and the way we react to these mistakes can differ greatly. The best thing for you to do is to separate your emotions for this man and begin loving and respecting yourself more. Start believing that you deserve better than what this man is or can ever give you. Abusive behavior should be like a beacon letting you know that things won't get better with him, only worse. Don't remain confused as to what "love" or loving someone should be about. Most of us want healthy relationships but sometimes there are those who use relationships as a means to deal with some larger issues in their lives. Could you be one of them?

    Ask yourself why it is you think you want this man so much. What has he done for you ever that has brought happiness and joy in your life and does he have the ability to sustain those feelings? If you answer honestly, probably not. Sex should not be the ruler by which you measure him by. Don't make excuses for settling for so little.

    I wish you luck and hopefully you will have the courage to start your new life soon.

    Peace,
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  8. Koolaid_smile

    Koolaid_smile Active Member MEMBER

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    Thank you all for your imput (especially NNQueen...thank you ma'am). I told him this morning of how felt and how I didn't like the way he treats me. The conversation wasn't so nice, but he will be leaving out of town for a month or so and I could have a chance to get over him without him being down the street from me. He said he would change (which is highly unlikely) and he said I shouldn't worry about his girlfriend. I never was worried about her, but the fact that she added to the drama was my concern. I caught off ties with that so-called friend, and I just want to pick up my life. Sadly, I don't know what I want in men, and surely, I should take a break from them until I find out. Friends always said I am the type that would be in an abusive relationship. I couldn't see it until now. Thanks again. I don't think I really need professional help...just change my attitude and how I perceive the opposite sex.
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    YES, YOU DO :nono:
     
  10. Koolaid_smile

    Koolaid_smile Active Member MEMBER

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    For what? Because of my bad choice in men?
     
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