Black Women : White Mother, Black Daughter - Identity Crisis!

You mentioned "white supremacy" - I really don't want people to think that I'm a white supremacist or a racist. The way that I felt/acted was probably how other people would feel/act in that situation. Think about being trapped in a room of 4,000 people wearing red shirts with you wearing the only green shirt. You'd probably feel more self conscious than most. You'd probably get tired of all the questions and comments and wish that you didn't look different. You'd probably overcompensate in some way to be accepted/make sure people knew you were part of the community. etc. etc.
I did not mean you. I meant the all-white situations you were around that led you to feeling so different, picked upon, and experiencing instances of racism from white people.

I'm of the opinion that black people can not be racist. No one has given me a formidable challenge to make me change my mind or make me consider otherwise.
 
I am in a very similar situation! I'm black and my mom's white. My biological dad and his family live on the other side of the states and I haven't seen them since I was 11 yrs old. I grew up so white my friends have all said at one point or another "wow, I forgot you're black!" I never knew how to act any other way.

Since at least kindergarten my hair has been relaxed and ironed so much that my mom thought my hair was permanently ruined! I have too many memories of crying as my mom tried to brush my hair. Ended up breaking 3 brushes from their handles and too many combs to count. One time I was in a hair salon that catered to blacks (most white folks here don't know how to handle black hair) getting half-backs. An older woman looked at me and asked, "Doesn't that hurt?" I didn't realize that I hadn't winced as my hair was pulled. I answered, "Yeah, but I've had worse." My scalp had gone somewhat numb from brushes pulling it and being burned by the chemicals in relaxers. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that we decided to cut it short, let it naturally curl, and use a pick. Even now, I'm just starting to learn to like the rain because growing up rain was BAD. Rain made my hair frizz and curly and that was BAD. It sucks but my mom didn't know what else to do. I'm not trying to hate on her... she did the best she could with what she knew. Resources for blacks are kinda limited here. Not many hair salons (girls generally have their families do their hair and I'm too shy to ask strangers to hook me up). It's a university town but the Black Student Union has like 5 members and I'm not a student.

My husband is white, but he grew up mainly in california and his step father is black. Sometimes we joke that he's more black than I am (kinda sad lol). In that way, I'm coming to learn more about where I come from and to accept all of myself. Also I found India Arie and thought that the African style she has in some of her music videos was absolutely beautiful! I want to be able to feel that tribal beauty too.

Sorry for the rant but I saw a kindred spirit and found that as I typed it just kinda came out. I know that I am responsible for myself. As a child I was subject to ignorance. As a growing woman, I am limited only by myself. It was a blessing to find so many good hearted people who can and want to share their knowledge. I look forward to searching for my hidden half.
 
welcome!

I am in a very similar situation! I'm black and my mom's white. My biological dad and his family live on the other side of the states and I haven't seen them since I was 11 yrs old. I grew up so white my friends have all said at one point or another "wow, I forgot you're black!" I never knew how to act any other way.

Since at least kindergarten my hair has been relaxed and ironed so much that my mom thought my hair was permanently ruined! I have too many memories of crying as my mom tried to brush my hair. Ended up breaking 3 brushes from their handles and too many combs to count. One time I was in a hair salon that catered to blacks (most white folks here don't know how to handle black hair) getting half-backs. An older woman looked at me and asked, "Doesn't that hurt?" I didn't realize that I hadn't winced as my hair was pulled. I answered, "Yeah, but I've had worse." My scalp had gone somewhat numb from brushes pulling it and being burned by the chemicals in relaxers. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that we decided to cut it short, let it naturally curl, and use a pick. Even now, I'm just starting to learn to like the rain because growing up rain was BAD. Rain made my hair frizz and curly and that was BAD. It sucks but my mom didn't know what else to do. I'm not trying to hate on her... she did the best she could with what she knew. Resources for blacks are kinda limited here. Not many hair salons (girls generally have their families do their hair and I'm too shy to ask strangers to hook me up). It's a university town but the Black Student Union has like 5 members and I'm not a student.

My husband is white, but he grew up mainly in california and his step father is black. Sometimes we joke that he's more black than I am (kinda sad lol). In that way, I'm coming to learn more about where I come from and to accept all of myself. Also I found India Arie and thought that the African style she has in some of her music videos was absolutely beautiful! I want to be able to feel that tribal beauty too.

Sorry for the rant but I saw a kindred spirit and found that as I typed it just kinda came out. I know that I am responsible for myself. As a child I was subject to ignorance. As a growing woman, I am limited only by myself. It was a blessing to find so many good hearted people who can and want to share their knowledge. I look forward to searching for my hidden half.
to all that i will say "welcome home" :wave:
 
:hi:

you will be right at home here. when you move to toronto you will find plenty of black people.
until then we will be your family. relax and enjoy.

Thank you so much, your warmth and kindness really means alot to me :)

I did not mean you. I meant the all-white situations you were around that led you to feeling so different, picked upon, and experiencing instances of racism from white people.

I'm of the opinion that black people can not be racist. No one has given me a formidable challenge to make me change my mind or make me consider otherwise.

*falls on the floor in relief and exhales*

Okay good!!! I am glad to hear that!
I am in a very similar situation! I'm black and my mom's white. My biological dad and his family live on the other side of the states and I haven't seen them since I was 11 yrs old. I grew up so white my friends have all said at one point or another "wow, I forgot you're black!" I never knew how to act any other way.

Since at least kindergarten my hair has been relaxed and ironed so much that my mom thought my hair was permanently ruined! I have too many memories of crying as my mom tried to brush my hair. Ended up breaking 3 brushes from their handles and too many combs to count. One time I was in a hair salon that catered to blacks (most white folks here don't know how to handle black hair) getting half-backs. An older woman looked at me and asked, "Doesn't that hurt?" I didn't realize that I hadn't winced as my hair was pulled. I answered, "Yeah, but I've had worse." My scalp had gone somewhat numb from brushes pulling it and being burned by the chemicals in relaxers. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that we decided to cut it short, let it naturally curl, and use a pick. Even now, I'm just starting to learn to like the rain because growing up rain was BAD. Rain made my hair frizz and curly and that was BAD. It sucks but my mom didn't know what else to do. I'm not trying to hate on her... she did the best she could with what she knew. Resources for blacks are kinda limited here. Not many hair salons (girls generally have their families do their hair and I'm too shy to ask strangers to hook me up). It's a university town but the Black Student Union has like 5 members and I'm not a student.

My husband is white, but he grew up mainly in california and his step father is black. Sometimes we joke that he's more black than I am (kinda sad lol). In that way, I'm coming to learn more about where I come from and to accept all of myself. Also I found India Arie and thought that the African style she has in some of her music videos was absolutely beautiful! I want to be able to feel that tribal beauty too.

Sorry for the rant but I saw a kindred spirit and found that as I typed it just kinda came out. I know that I am responsible for myself. As a child I was subject to ignorance. As a growing woman, I am limited only by myself. It was a blessing to find so many good hearted people who can and want to share their knowledge. I look forward to searching for my hidden half.

Please don't apologize. Thanks for sharing your story, we have alot in common!

As for hair, oh man. My mom chemically straightened it at home since I was a little toddler. When I was younger I had to wake up early and sit for hours while my mom tried to do something with it, because the straightner she used only worked to a certain extent and she had to press it or curl it everyday aswell. It was so annoying to see others just take a comb and brush their hair through! I've actually never been to a hair salon because no one around here wants to/knows how to deal with my type of hair, my mom just learned how to do it herself. Since 7 I've had small braids (not the kiddie type, but when I was younger she put a bunch of colourful beads in it). I'm ready for a new hairstyle now but I'm not sure what I want.

And yes what you said is true, we do only really limit ourselves, sometimes there are obstacles but life is a journey of learning and growing. :heart:
 

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