Black Parenting : White Imagery - Need some advice

[Lolu_95]

Hey Folks,

I’m glad to have found a forum like this because I really need some advice/feedback on black parenting.

My wife and I seem to be at complete odds when it comes to a very specific area in raising our young daughter, and that is how we approach this idea of race and the images she views, specifically when it comes to white characters on TV, in movies or books.

Growing up and still living in a predominantly white society, I’ve come to appreciate the severe psychological impact that white imagery has on the black community and how this contributes to various forms of subconscious “self-hatred”, feelings of inferiority, etc, etc. I’ll spare you all the details of what they are, but needless to say, my wife and I are both in agreement that the images that we will expose our daughter to from the beginning will be that of positive black images; from black protagonist in books, tv and movies etc. This also means that we do our best to minimize/eliminate white imagery from our home . The reason being is that from the time our daughter leaves our home, she will be bombarded with white imagery and subconscious messaging telling that she inferior from the jump.

So far so good, right?
Well, here is where my wife and I diverge: She’s (my wife) willing to tell other parents not to play certain films/shows or books with a white protagonist(s). So for example, if my daughter makes a white friend in daycare and were to go to her house, my wife would tell the parents of her friend what is not acceptable (so a movie like Disney’s Frozen which has all white characters would be a faux pas) . Now to me, that’s where I draw the line—I can’t go around telling people what they can or can’t watch/read in their own home (unless it’s age inappropriate). I might add that I’m not a confrontational type of person, so my natural response would be to not make a situation awkward. Anyways, now my wife is basically accusing me of not wanting to protect my daughter’s psychological well-being for the sake of being “comfortable”, which I find to be totally unfair. This topic is not going away any time soon and just need some advice.

Thanks for reading and look forward to your comments!

 

[Kemetstry]

Hey Folks,

I’m glad to have found a forum like this because I really need some advice/feedback on black parenting.

My wife and I seem to be at complete odds when it comes to a very specific area in raising our young daughter, and that is how we approach this idea of race and the images she views, specifically when it comes to white characters on TV, in movies or books.

Growing up and still living in a predominantly white society, I’ve come to appreciate the severe psychological impact that white imagery has on the black community and how this contributes to various forms of subconscious “self-hatred”, feelings of inferiority, etc, etc. I’ll spare you all the details of what they are, but needless to say, my wife and I are both in agreement that the images that we will expose our daughter to from the beginning will be that of positive black images; from black protagonist in books, tv and movies etc. This also means that we do our best to minimize/eliminate white imagery from our home . The reason being is that from the time our daughter leaves our home, she will be bombarded with white imagery and subconscious messaging telling that she inferior from the jump.

So far so good, right?
Well, here is where my wife and I diverge: She’s (my wife) willing to tell other parents not to play certain films/shows or books with a white protagonist(s). So for example, if my daughter makes a white friend in daycare and were to go to her house, my wife would tell the parents of her friend what is not acceptable (so a movie like Disney’s Frozen which has all white characters would be a faux pas) . Now to me, that’s where I draw the line—I can’t go around telling people what they can or can’t watch/read in their own home (unless it’s age inappropriate). I might add that I’m not a confrontational type of person, so my natural response would be to not make a situation awkward. Anyways, now my wife is basically accusing me of not wanting to protect my daughter’s psychological well-being for the sake of being “comfortable”, which I find to be totally unfair. This topic is not going away any time soon and just need some advice.

Thanks for reading and look forward to your comments!

Trying to control what your daughter sees outside your home is over kill. Moreover, it's rude. If you do your job at home she will be raised correctly



.

 

[Lolu_95]

My thoughts exactly. I don’t think I should be going around policing every thing a person shows my daughter (again, unless it’s age inappropriate)—I’d go nuts! That being said, I have to give weight to the idea that a lot of what we do at home, has the potential to be undone considering how much time they spend in school.
Thanks for the feedback.

 

[nzuri]

Hey Folks,

I’m glad to have found a forum like this because I really need some advice/feedback on black parenting.

My wife and I seem to be at complete odds when it comes to a very specific area in raising our young daughter, and that is how we approach this idea of race and the images she views, specifically when it comes to white characters on TV, in movies or books.

Growing up and still living in a predominantly white society, I’ve come to appreciate the severe psychological impact that white imagery has on the black community and how this contributes to various forms of subconscious “self-hatred”, feelings of inferiority, etc, etc. I’ll spare you all the details of what they are, but needless to say, my wife and I are both in agreement that the images that we will expose our daughter to from the beginning will be that of positive black images; from black protagonist in books, tv and movies etc. This also means that we do our best to minimize/eliminate white imagery from our home . The reason being is that from the time our daughter leaves our home, she will be bombarded with white imagery and subconscious messaging telling that she inferior from the jump.

So far so good, right?
Well, here is where my wife and I diverge: She’s (my wife) willing to tell other parents not to play certain films/shows or books with a white protagonist(s). So for example, if my daughter makes a white friend in daycare and were to go to her house, my wife would tell the parents of her friend what is not acceptable (so a movie like Disney’s Frozen which has all white characters would be a faux pas) . Now to me, that’s where I draw the line—I can’t go around telling people what they can or can’t watch/read in their own home (unless it’s age inappropriate). I might add that I’m not a confrontational type of person, so my natural response would be to not make a situation awkward. Anyways, now my wife is basically accusing me of not wanting to protect my daughter’s psychological well-being for the sake of being “comfortable”, which I find to be totally unfair. This topic is not going away any time soon and just need some advice.

Thanks for reading and look forward to your comments!

I agree with you. Your wife has a choice, either she allows your daughter to go to her little friends home or not. As parents we have to make the best choice that we see fit for our children To tell another parent what to do from what not to do when you child is there home is rude. You can't walk into someone else's home and dictate to them, like I said earlier you have a choice. If you do not what your baby exposed to certain things at this stage in her life, than it's up to you to figure out another way. Find black families who are on the same page. Home school your child. Have her friends come to you home instead. I write Afrocentric children's book. I raised my daughter in a white area. But, I always taught her self love, respect for self and self pride. I exposed to all black dolls and books and shows. I knew once she would leave the home she would be exposed to whiteness. SO! I did me best to make her proud of who she was and is. African first, no apologies and no exception to the rule. Just plant the seed, water the plant with the right nourishment and watch it grow. My name is Desree Crooks the of my company is Nzuri books, take a look.

 

[Senegal]

Hey Folks,

I’m glad to have found a forum like this because I really need some advice/feedback on black parenting.

My wife and I seem to be at complete odds when it comes to a very specific area in raising our young daughter, and that is how we approach this idea of race and the images she views, specifically when it comes to white characters on TV, in movies or books.

Growing up and still living in a predominantly white society, I’ve come to appreciate the severe psychological impact that white imagery has on the black community and how this contributes to various forms of subconscious “self-hatred”, feelings of inferiority, etc, etc. I’ll spare you all the details of what they are, but needless to say, my wife and I are both in agreement that the images that we will expose our daughter to from the beginning will be that of positive black images; from black protagonist in books, tv and movies etc. This also means that we do our best to minimize/eliminate white imagery from our home . The reason being is that from the time our daughter leaves our home, she will be bombarded with white imagery and subconscious messaging telling that she inferior from the jump.

So far so good, right?
Well, here is where my wife and I diverge: She’s (my wife) willing to tell other parents not to play certain films/shows or books with a white protagonist(s). So for example, if my daughter makes a white friend in daycare and were to go to her house, my wife would tell the parents of her friend what is not acceptable (so a movie like Disney’s Frozen which has all white characters would be a faux pas) . Now to me, that’s where I draw the line—I can’t go around telling people what they can or can’t watch/read in their own home (unless it’s age inappropriate). I might add that I’m not a confrontational type of person, so my natural response would be to not make a situation awkward. Anyways, now my wife is basically accusing me of not wanting to protect my daughter’s psychological well-being for the sake of being “comfortable”, which I find to be totally unfair. This topic is not going away any time soon and just need some advice.

Thanks for reading and look forward to your comments!

Choose your battles. Its not really feasible to eliminate all white imagery in this society and your wife will learn that. You can make your position known but let her learn from experience. Your role is to protect them and if she feels you arent doing that it will cause issues. Arguing is going to drive a wedge between you guys if she feels that strongly about it. You have to present a united front or you will send mixed messages to your daughter. Ask yourself whats more important? What your white neighbors think or what your family thinks?