Black Relationships : White Guy (me) & Black Girl

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Scott Anthony, Aug 3, 2014.

  1. Scott Anthony

    Scott Anthony New Member MEMBER

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    My girlfriend and I just broke up, and I'm posting this question to this thread because I really don't have any black friends, and I also don't have any white friends that have dated black women. My opportunities for other perspective are limited on this subject, to say the least.

    I'll try not to make this too lengthy.

    We dated for six months, and overall things were going very, very well. She was the first black woman I've dated, and I was the first white guy she dated "seriously" (her words). Quite honestly, we each thought we were going to marry each other at one point.

    However, the most significant difficulty I (we) had in our relationship was her opinion of white people. On a DAILY basis she was always emailing and texting me links to racist articles and videos, and talking about how terrible white people are and how difficult it is to be black in America, etc., etc. And I will say this - I agree with her 100%. Racism is alive and well in this country, and our system is screwing black people over more so than any other minority group. I don't know what it feels like to be black in this country, but I do know that I am afforded other privileges just because of my white skin. I've NEVER disagreed with her on any of these racial topics.

    She frequently told me that white people make her sick to her stomach, that being white isn't a prideful thing, and she's starting to view white people as "vile scum" (and she had very legitimate arguments for saying such things). She would get so worked up and upset over things sometimes that she would start crying. She told me that basically the only white people she likes are me, my family, and a couple white friends of hers. And I will say that I am WHITE. I'm not an urban white guy that has grown up in and around black culture. I'm just a white guy with and open and real mind.

    We ended up breaking up because I expressed my own insecurities to her on this subject (admittedly, not in the best way possible), and she thought that I'd end up leaving her in 11th hour, etc. An argument ensued, and we called it quits.

    I honestly don't know what to make of everything. Is this to be expected from an interracial relationship? She told me that all black women are as proactive about racial issues and current topics as she is. Is this true? Will this continue to be and issue and daily discussion if I continue dating other black women? With such strong (and not so great) opinions of white people, was this relationship doomed from the start?

    I will say this - we were BOTH at fault. She at times said that she wished that she wasn't the first black girl I dated, and I also wished she would have dated (seriously) a white guy prior to me. Communication within a relationship is two-way, but the discussion of racism, in our situation, is obviously one-way. I thought I was getting it, I thought I was listening and learning, but I guess I wasn't good enough.

    Any thoughts, questions, or advice are appreciated.
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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  3. Kadijah

    Kadijah Banned MEMBER

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    Where are all the assimilationists? :10500:
     
  4. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I will have to say, you guys aren't evenly yoked. Your description of what she was doing and saying makes this obvious





    .
     
  5. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Okay, welcome to the site, but what?

    Can you answer me these?

    Why not ask some people, any people, who you've known to actually have been in an interracial relationship, instead of strangers who might have never been in interracial relationship?

    Are you seriously asking if all black women are the SAME, in relationships or otherwise, just because ONE black woman told you so?

    If a white woman told you all women view men with the same disdain, would you seriously take her on her word, instead of seeing the obvious?

    What is it you think random black people can tell you about a random black woman you were dating, who seemed to harbor a great hatred toward you from the start?
     
  6. _NortheastGroover_

    _NortheastGroover_ Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think its racist that I had to make 10 post before I can make a thread but this white boy didnt... smh
     
  7. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :hideout::lol:
     
  8. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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  9. Scott Anthony

    Scott Anthony New Member MEMBER

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    Angela - thank you for the reply. Your questions are fair, and quite honestly, I now feel a stupid for posting the thread in the manner in which I did. I don't think I articulated my thought process very well when it came to what it is that I actually wanted to know. Here are my responses to your questions:

    - Unfortunately, I am not close enough to anybody that is in an interracial relationship whom I could go to for advice. I reached out here in almost a desperate attempt to just get SOME type of insight on my relationship. But you're absolutely right - I have no idea if any of you are in an interracial relationship, and in fact, I probably could have found an "interracial relationship" type forum out there to post these questions (or some other, more well-put questions), which may have been more appropriate.

    - "Are you seriously asking if all black women are the SAME" - when you repeat it back, it does sound ridiculous. I also bet if I were to ask her if this was how she actually felt, she'd probably say no. Sorry, this should not have been part of my thread.

    - "If a white woman told you all women view men with the same disdain, would you seriously take her on her word, instead of seeing the obvious?" - Again, I sound like an idiot. I was not seeing the obvious.

    - "What is it you think random black people can tell you about a random black woman you were dating, who seemed to harbor a great hatred toward you from the start" - This is a great question, and really, all I was looking for was some insight. As I mentioned, I don't have other sources of perspective on this subject. She introduced me to a world that I had not seen up until dating her. Growing up white in a white culture is a privilege, and I didn't have to worry about the things that she and other black people have to worry about regularly. I really don't want to slip back into my white "culture" and date a white girl, and walk around and say that racism doesn't exit. I want to be with this girl, but there was a disconnect...somewhere. I accepted her for everything she was, including her views on white people. She may harbor a hatred toward white people, but I know she didn't hate me. So to directly answer your question - I had no idea what to expect random people on this thread to tell me. I've been desperate for insight, and thought I'd give this a try.

    Thanks again for the questions. Thinking back through this has been helpful.
     
  10. Scott Anthony

    Scott Anthony New Member MEMBER

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    Sorry about that - I'm guessing that must have been a rule when signing up?
     
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