Poetry Critiques : white/black haiku

[keishawells]

white hakiu

sunlite horizon
birds singing a happy tune
spring flowers in bloom

black hakiu

around in the getto
awaken by a drive by
crack sold on corner

 

[$$RICH$$]

welcome to destee.com true and honest critique & workshop

this was nice, but negative toward what is nuture color black
when the light go out we all see darkness of black which is a beautiful
and the reverse flip of white/black

white
Thy ghost reflection
driver of greed upon thy
people devilish

black
radiant within
dark as night beautifully
mixture of color

 

[Wisdom7]

welcome to destee.com true and honest critique & workshop

this was nice, but negative toward what is nuture color black
when the light go out we all see darkness of black which is a beautiful
and the reverse flip of white/black

white
Thy ghost reflection
driver of greed upon thy
people devilish

black
radiant within
dark as night beautifully
mixture of color

I am feeling you on that!! Love your reversal on turning that negative into a positive!!

 

[Khasm13]

welcome to destee...
i also share the same conclusion that rich has....
wh is the light postive and the black negative?
can u expound upon your appraoch for this hakiu?
i'll reserve my critique until u do...

one love
khasm

 

[queentswana]

Much like Khasm, I will compellingly hold my critique until futher notice. And I shall return.