Black Relationships : Which Way Would You Go

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Oct 12, 2009.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If you are a woman who has a boyfriend and he is an artist, and you two have been together less than 6 months. he calls you up and says that he is going to a female's office to work on a logo since he draws and all. He asks you how you feel about it, and you are mixed between not feeling comfortable with it, but at the same time you don't want to seem like a jealous person. He asks you what your opinion is because your opinion counts. Also he goes on to say that you are welcome to meet the female friend of his if he wants. What would you ladies do if you were in this situation?
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Legit-Writer ... either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, meeting the woman, watching him every minute, or hiding in the trunk of the car whenever he goes somewhere, will never fill the hole in the relationship. If you do trust him, you will be able to share your honest feelings (in the scenario provided above), that you don't feel real comfortable with it, but thanking him for sharing the situation, wishing him the best in it ... and telling him to hurry home.

    Trust is a component that can't easily be replaced by something else, either you have it or you don't. You do your whole being an injustice, by putting yourself or remaining in a relationship that should have it, but does not. These are self-inflicted wounds that many Sisters do to themselves, yet ultimately want to blame on the Brother.

    He has obviously done or said some things that make you not trust him, in essence, he's come clean (even if presented in an ugly way that breaks our heart, the truth is out). At that point, the ball is in your court, you can stay knowing he's put those things on the table, abusing your own self, second guessing his every move, or you can leave the relationship.

    A hard choice Sister, but a choice nonetheless.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hey destee,

    thanks for the reply. i trust him, but i look at everything at all angles, like how far is too far as far as having a friend of the opposite sex. that's why i ask because i sure don't want to come off like a jealous person or even close. i actually told him to have fun, as long as he lets me know he gets home safely... he does that anyways. lol it's just i have seen situations where people trust their partner and the other feels well since they are trusted, then they can run around and "do whatever they want" and not get caught. However, by the same token, one can't control what the other does. They will do whatever they will do and only they will be held accountable for their own actions in the end.
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Legit-Writer ... trust is the kind of thing that needs no validation from others. In fact, when you trust someone, no one else can confirm or deny that trust. It's only when the trust is not sure, on kinda shakey ground, that you would even seek out or listen to the opinion of another, regarding someone you trust.

    The fact that you are having to ask such questions, means the trust isn't all that it should be.

    This is not to say, that he is not trustworthy, it's just that you have some insecurities surrounding it. They could be based simply on things you've seen and heard from others, as you say above.

    If he is as wonderful as he needs to be (for you), then you will be able to go to him with all of this. Put your feelings on the table, since he already has your trust. Explain to him your insecurities, how it's not really about him, but the tv programs you watch, or the other relationships you've seen and heard of, that prompt such questions. Doing this will allow you to get all of this out of you, and see how able he is at handling you, which includes all that is within you ... all of your fears, concerns, thoughts, wonderings, everything.

    See what kind of man you really got. Are you trusting a man that can handle all of you?

    It's something you need to know, because if he can't, then he's probably not the one for you.

    But if he can ... oh boy oh boy oh boy !!! ... :jumping:

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Oh yeah Sister ... ideally, when you share your fears and stuff ... he's going to take you in his arms, and assure you in every way possible, that you have nothing to fear ... he's going to encourage your questions, he's going to tell you to feel free to say whatever you want to him, he's going to soothe away all those fears ... until they begin to dissipate completely ... and are no more! :wink:

    That's what an honest, trustworthy Brother can do ... :D ... Work Magic! Heal and Make Whole! :love:

    Alternatively, if he fusses at you, complains that you've even thought such BS, accuses you of being overly jealous, there may be trouble in paradise.

    Either way, you get to find out what kind of person you're working with.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee