Black Parenting : Which parent gives "the talk" to who?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by MsInterpret, May 8, 2013.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    So I just got of the phone with my daughter's father. And the conversation was more geared towards my daughter's internet activities, if he is keeping an eye on my daughter's interactions online.
    But we got into the conversation about "THE TALK"...
    Her dad told me that he doesn't feel comfortable about having that talk with her because that's his babygirl and she's still 4 years old in his eyes...
    I told him, you can't leave that responsibility solely to me. She may only hear certain things from me, the way she wants to hear them or needs to hear them, and vise versa from him. Basically I feel both parent's need to equally be held responsible of telling our children about sex.

    What do you think?

    Should fathers give "the talk" to their daughters? Or should they just have "the talk" with the sons?
    And the question is the same for the mothers, but reversed.
     
  2. lilpea

    lilpea Moderator STAFF

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    Greetings MsInterpret...

    In regards to who should give who the "TALK", It is my belief that both parents should be prepared to do this. I say this because..the child will need it coming from both the male and female prepective... pro's and cons. The dating world is or can be an exciting time for the child. It is our duty as the parents to prepare them for the different obstacles ahead. And as we know there will be some for them to experience. A Male should not be ashame to speak with his daughter. At all times it will be better the child hearing certain facts coming from her father then learning them on the streets. or even hearing it in a sex education class. And the same with the mother.

    My view is, if the child is inquisitive enough to ask....they should be told.

    Lilpea..:1on1:
     
  3. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Good question.

    I don't have any shyness or reservation when it comes to nature.. and that includes sex and reproduction.. and as a result, my sons and I have been having "the talk" since the day they were born. I never understood the secrecy around the most beautiful, necessary and natural act in creation. So my children have always known where babies come from.. and I as the boys have gotten older I have always connected their own development to the larger context.

    That said.. I don't think it matters who gives the information and perspective.. as long as it is given and understood by the child. You can't make people into what they are not.. and everyone is not equiped to do every thing.. If the father is not comfortable and the mother is.. then the mother should do it.. and vice versa.. and if neither person is up to it, BET will do it.. and the kids at school will do it.. or some young boy or girl with pretty eyes.. either way.. it will get done.

    My parents never really said anything to me.. except one time in the 10th grade when they found a condom in my wallet.. but see.. by then it was really too late to tell me anything.. Hollywood, my older cousins, music and richard pryor had told me everything already. funny thing is.. they took the condom from me and said they didn't think I needed to have it. Of course they were right.. and I was a virgin for 5 more years after that.. but that was the extent of their talk with me.

    in retrospect.. the talk I really needed had more to do with what to do with my emotions than my body. And I believe that that's really the talk that needs to happen.. it's about how to handle relationships.. and crushes.. and heart-break.. etc..
     
  4. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    lilpea and skuderjaymes

    Thanks gentlemen!

    My thing is my father is the same way as her dad...my dad never EVER talked to me about guys or about sex...He avoided that conversation at all cost.

    I needed my dad's wisdom, and I only had my mother's introspect, but my dad was the only man she dated, which isn't to say I didn't value you her opinion...I just needed my dad's as well. I feel if I had my dad's point of view and advice I might not have made some of the mistakes that I had made.

    And I only want my daughter to not make some of the choices I made...and if it means getting her dad to talk to her about this stuff then I feel he has to do this for the sake my child.

    Granted she may not make the mistakes I made or more or any, even if I solely give her "the talk"...I just want all my bases covered as much as I can when it comes to raising my daughter.
     
  5. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Quite a lot is being said with the fact that your Dad is the only man your mother ever dated. In that historical fact is almost everything you needed to know. I think the problem is that the world through media aims so much of its artillery at the youth that parents cannot just live the answers.. they have to get literal and combat the images and ideas being hurled at their kids.. and that's a hell of a task.
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was a kid...I was not looking at historical facts...I was looking past what my parents were doing and at the little boy who I was soon going to lose my virginity too.
     
  7. G Ali

    G Ali Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have a son so the talk will be a breeze there...but if I ever have a girl I would overlook the "my baby girl" factor because I would have to give her the realness all the way...to many people in the world ready to teach their own version.
     
  8. lilpea

    lilpea Moderator STAFF

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    Greetings again Msinterpret...

    Sis I know that u'd rather have your daughter's Dad to give her the talk. But if he's not comfortable doing it...I would sugguest u might ask your male realitive do it. I'd also sugguest that u go through the talk with him before he presents it to your daughter. If your are not comportable with oneof them doing it then u might ask them the questions your daughter wants to know. The point is....she should also have the talk from a male standpoint.

    Lilpea..:1on1:
     
  9. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I wouldnt be comfortable with one of my male relatives doing it.
     
  10. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As parents we have to do things that we don't want to do sometimes...It's called making sacrifices....I don't expect someone else who is not my child's father to take the responsibility of what should be her father's.
    This isn't about me, it's about my child and what is best for her. And what is best is her father's loving advice.
     
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