Black Relationships : Where's your EGO

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by truetothecause, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The Defensive Ego
    We don't feel particularly safe with ourselves, though it may not always be that obvious. We often are protecting ourselves, in one way or another, from some kind of hurt. Psychology calls this self-protection "defense." We perceive threatening events or feelings as "attacks" that we need to "defend" from. It is the ego's primary activity.

    Defending in conflicts

    That we defend ourselves from feeling hurt is obvious during conflicts, especially when these escalate into quarrels and fights.
    It seems more noticeable in others than in ourselves that this self-protection can be more important than the truth. The other person often seems to be saying things that we are convinced aren't true. It seems that the other says these things just to defend himself, and should know that they aren't entirely true. But everyone feels the need to defend from emotional pain, and parties do make efforts to inflict it onto each other during fights. The truth is the first thing that is out of the window, for the ego, then.
    Blaming is often a part of conflicts. When someone blames us for something, we may get to blame the other person instead. Sometimes, the other person is really accusing us unjustly. But sometimes what's happening is that we just can't bare to feel the guilt, and blame the other person just because of that, on the belief that one of the parties has got to be blamed.
    Telling the other person that he's only defending himself, and because of that not accepting the truth, will usually have the effect of the other person defending himself even more. The need to defend is quite compelling.

    Self-protection from hurt

    But even when we are not in an obvious conflict do we defend ourselves. Our egos have numerous ways of doing that.
    When we notice that we are about to feel hurt, we may get tense, which makes us not feel it. In fact, when we are not feeling relaxed, we are usually avoiding some kind of unpleasant feeling, or several feelings.
    We may be using one feeling to avoid feeling another. When we get angry, but don't want to act angry towards the other person, it may be hard to actually stop being angry. Angry thoughts just keep coming up. We are angry, of course, because we got hurt. The reason we can't stop being angry, is because we'd have to feel the underlying unpleasant feelings that caused the anger in the first place, and we don't want to do that.
    We can also deny feeling something. When we want to be with someone, and that person doesn't want to be with us, we may decide that we actually don't like that person after all. It's not entirely true, but it does make life more bearable.
    Lack of feeling

    This defensiveness makes us very concerned with the outside of us, with how we appear to other people. It makes it harder to notice what goes on inside of us, with our inner feelings.
    When we are thinking and fantasizing, we don't feel much of what goes on with our more subtle feelings. We then only notice feelings that are at the surface, if we feel anything at all. Retreating into our thoughts thus is a way of avoiding feelings that are unpleasant.
    Our constant concern with self-protections makes that we don't really feel much any more when we've arrived at an adult age. Sometimes, it can seem unsafe to feel anything at all. We then have the same flat state all the time. Some will deny that feelings are a real part of them, and consider themselves "completely rational" people.
    Losing touch with ourselves
    The result of all these defensive tactics is ....http://www.eclecticenergies.com/ego/defensiveness.php

    What position are you in:?:

    I AM Abena and I AM a RE~Covering Afreekan enslaved in amerikkka and a RE~Presentative from the Voices in the Margins.

    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  2. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    I'm takin' da FIF'! :em0100:
     
  3. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    But, I did enjoy reading this! I saw myself in this and some other people I know.
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    fetal.....:help:
     
  5. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    i got some of all of that....
    i think we all do to a certain degree....

    one love
    khasm
     
  6. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    maakheru Brother Khasm!

    I'm pretty certain WE ALL DO.....have "defense mechanisms" to PROTECT our EGO.

    Yes...Everyone HAS and "ego" as well...along with and "id" and "super-ego" that makes up our personality.
    Of course, there are other ways to say this same thing yet, I am not versed enough in those contexts to form a clear enough link. Any system of thinking that describes 'personality' says the same things...for the most part...using different language.

    We have been programmed to disbelieve "european psychology" and discount/discredit anything associated with it....even an opportunity to KNOW SELF....

    I'm clear that EVERYTHING they have ...they got from US!

    I trust we USED this information a lot different than they...yet...it is real.

    Thanks for checking and sharing cherryblossom. It's really not hard to see ourselves...when/if we're looking.

    Brother James...I KNEW I was supposed to re-state that question giving clearer guidelines to those who need it.

    Re-phrased....What defensive position is YOUR EGO in:?:

    Maybe it may help if I posted some info. about that different positions. They are actually what we know as "defense mechanisms" and we all use them to greater and lesser degrees and in ALL situations...even when they are "lowered" and one has a sense of SAFETY in a particular inter-action or relationship.


    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  7. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The workings of the mind... I appreciate what you have posted so far, and look forward to reading additional information shared regarding defense mechanisms sister true2.
     
  8. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    I SO agree with that!

    Ecclesiasties

    1: [9] The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.
    1: [14] I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.
     
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