Black Relationships : Where has the respect for marriage gone?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nita, Jan 22, 2004.

  1. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have been wanting to put this question out here for some time now. I need opinons to help shed the light on this subject.

    I have a friend, a beautiful lady who has been dealing with her husband and other women. I myself am dealing with a woman who was sleeping with my husband. She knows he's married but it does not seem to bother her. My father is a minister and I came from a very religious household. I have always had respect for marriage. I believe marriage is a bond God gave to a man and a woman to not only bring them closer together to each other, but to bring them closer to Him as well.

    I don't blame the man or the woman but I believe they are both responsible for their actions. I would never mess with a married man because I fear God too much. Besides, I have enough to worry about, I stole a pack of crayons when I was about 7 or 8. After that crime I'm trying to stay on Gods good list.

    I wonder what they will say when they stand before God.I guess I just want some understanding.
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sister Nita, I don't know if there is any one specific explanation that can be given as an answer to your question other than the fact that some people just lack moral character. If there is anyone to blame it must rest with those who do things that blatantly disregard the feelings of others and cause them pain and suffering. It's a character flaw and weakness that plagues a community when people do things that are incongruent with the social and philosophical standards within that community. When people don't see anything wrong with having multiple partners even while married, they shouldn't enter into a monogamous one. Maybe these individuals need to explore other options such as polygamy and seek to find others who agree with it as a viable alternative.

    Peace :spinstar:
     
  3. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for the Input sis...

    I enjoyed heraing your point of view. I guess that's what I needed, the input of my cyber family to help me gain some understanding.
    Thanks so much sis.
     
  4. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sister Nita, you are most welcome to receive my opinion. It's unfortunate that you have been put in a situation where you must deal with this kind of thing. I'm sure it's not easy for you and I wonder how it has affected your thinking. It appears that you have strong faith in your God. How is your faith helping you to deal with the "other" woman and your husband? How is it helping you to sustain your own sense of well-being? Because of this experience, what lessons have you learned about other people and about yourself?

    Peace :spinstar:
     
  5. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    How I'm Dealin'

    This has been a very trying time for me. I have always been strong in my faith but when this happened to me I started to :confused: question my belief. I was always the one in school talking about God.I'm not saying I have never done wrong but for the most part I think I have made good choices about how I live my life. Sis, this did something to me. I was at a point where I thought I didn't want to live. It hurts so much I still can't describe the pain. This has affected me in so many ways. I'm scared to :love: love and trust again BUT I have learned how to be very forgiving. Even though my husband and I are not together I have forgiven him, but it's a little harder to forgive her. They got muddy together I know, but she shows no kind of sorrow towards me or my kids. Now that I think about it, I have only spoken to her twice. Through the advice of a good friend who is going through the same thing I decided to :nono: end all contact with this woman. So she may feel sorry I just can't say for sure. I just try to focus on God. Staying in his word :read: . I keep very few friends and they are all saved so they help support me :grouphug: as well. I cry :cry: , but I always try to find healing in God so that I wont have to shed those kind of tears again. Although this situation is unfortunate some very good opportunities have come open to me. I'm 27 years old. One of the youngest members in my church that attends faithfully and serves faithfully.( I must say, just a year ago I stopped going to church because I couldn't understand why God was allowing this to happen to me. :grin: ) so I haven't been serving HIM the whole time of this ordeal. I gave up for a little while.I have four kids I remind you. It's soooo hard, I wanna cuss :censored: and hurt :fight: my husband every time I think about it but God promises me that if I just keep my eyes on HIM....in the end my pain will be worth it :angel1: .

    Nita
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Greetings and peace, Sister Nita. I wish you the best outcome in this ordeal. I've not had this type of experience but I can tell from what you wrote that it must be difficult to handle and very hurtful. You're blessed to have a forgiving spirit because I think it helps to release the pain and anger and relieve you from the suffering that goes with it. For the sake of yourself and your children, it's good to try and move on with your life in positive and meaningful ways. I hope that your faith in God brings about the healing and understanding that you seek. And it's a very good thing that you have your spirtual support team helping you though this. In time, I'm sure this will get better for you. Even in our darkest hours there's always something of value that can be learned. I've heard it said that we grow stronger when we are faced with trials and tribulations. Your life will never be the same because of this experience, and let's pray that it's because it's getting better.

    May peace and understanding be your blessings from the Creator!
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  7. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks sis

    I was unsure about posting this topic but I'm glad I did.
    I have enjoyed your views and advice so much.
    Thank you so much.
     
  8. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    here's to you...NNQueen...

    Sometimes at night when I see a shining :spinstar: ...I follow it. I have been reading these threads for a few weeks now. And it pleases my heart to see and feel all the divine warmth that flows through each and every room in this "forum". Since discovering this forum (which my husband somehow stumbled upon it accidently) I no longer have to step outside to see a shining :spinstar: ...there are s-o-o-o-o- many :spinstar: :spinstar: :spinstar: shining and glowing up here in these threads that it's almost... unbearable. Here's the bottom line...it's a very good feeling to know when you're in your "darkess" hour, there's somebody somewhere in this heaped up world that's there for you...as you were for "Nita" and I'm sure you made a difference in her life. You have a sweet :heart: :heart: :heart: and what you give...you get...keep shining...you are the "Queen-of-Queens"
    just needed you to know that...keep doing what you do best :spinstar:

    by the way...my name, "Tswana" means..."Queen-of-Queens"
     
  9. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    My Queen . . .

     
  10. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To both the Queens:

    Tswana, (what a beautiful name)
    Me and Queen met a few years ago in chat. :geek:
    She has always been someone I could look to for advice.
    You are right, her words did encourage me.
    When I decided to write this I expected a lot of responses and opinions.
    I was wanting to hear and learn so that I could become stronger.
    As you see not many responded.
    That's just how God works, HE takes what you think you need and gives you what HE knows you need.
    In this case he gave me NN....this sister and all her wisdom has helped to encourage me to be strong.
    I have never seen her face, but I know that she is one beautiful lady.
    :angel1:
     
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