Black Relationships : When We Talk To You

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by river, May 6, 2006.

  1. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Brothas work with me on this and sistas think about what they've got to say.

    We come here from different walks of life and bring different perspectives to the table. In a situation like this everybody's not going to agree all the time and some people are buond to be unhaappy about the behavior of others.

    Nfow brothas what I'm asking you is this.

    What from your point of view are some of the do's and don't's that sistas can take to heart to minimize negative energy and increase the likelihood of a positive response from you when we express displeasure about something?

    Be honest even if you suspect you will get flack from it because some of us will take these things to heart and gain a better understanding of how to work with you rather than against you.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I'll be sure to come back to this !
     
  3. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Ok, here goes...


    1. You are not a man

    2. Therefore, you do not get to define what one is

    3. Because you are not qualified to do so

    4. I am NOT a chuavanist pig for saying and insisting on this

    5. You are a feminist pig for trying to be an expert on something you can never be

    6. Let me be the man I am. If you like it fine, if you dont fine!

    7. Dont blame me because you lied to yourself, about something you thought you saw in me

    8. Everything over the age of 18 is NOT a woman or a man. People mature differently

    9. The game isnt a mistress. Chill out and go shopping or something. You know I'll be in front of the tele

    10. We already have a mother. We arent with you because we want another one

    11. Me telling you, you're wrong does not mean I hate you

    12. You are SUPPOSE to show me and the children the best of you

    13. We get to say no too

    14. Men and women are biologically, physiologically and psychologically different. That's the way it's SUPPOSE to be. You not being able to deal with that is immaturity on your part

    15. I heard you the 1st time. Dont nag. If I'm not doing it, it's because of #13

    16. Men saying no is not an invitation to a discussion until we change our minds.

    17. We do communicate. We dont feel the need to do it constantly. ( See 13, 15,16 )

    18. The way to a man's heart IS thru his stomach. There is an old southern saying, " Kissing dont last, but cooking do." Try to learn.

    19. Quit trying to change us!!!!!!!!!!!

    20. Romance is a two way street. If it isnt romantic to me as well, it's not romantic

    21. On that note, realize that I do that stuff you like, not because I like doing that stuff, but because I like YOU

    ....more later
     
  4. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    I agree with what my Brother here has stated.

    In addition, it is EXTREMELY important for us to know that you are listening to us, when we have things to say. We do not--repeat: do not expect for you to always agree with us, but only to understand and respect our perspectives when we give them to you.

    Us knowing this is only indicated via you showing it to us.

    Labeling us with manhood-compromising names, is not showing us.

    Ignoring our statements, over talking over them is not showing us.

    Answering our questions with questions is not showing us.

    Entering into little tete' a tete's with us over our perspectives--especially when it's a very serious matter (one that is dear to us)--is not showing us (unless it's all in good levity, ala Brother Kemestry :D )

    So how can you show us?

    Show us by asking us questions about what we say/feel/think. This shows that what we share with you matters, that its important to you, that you understand.

    Show us by mentioning the things that you do agree with us about, in addition to the things that you don't, which will show us that you don't think that we are just coming out of left-field. There are appropriate times for silence, but in the middle of a discussion is not one of them.

    Show us by talking TO us, instead of AT or ABOUT us. Don't create threads about us (whether as an individual or as a whole), and not expect us to feel a certain way about it.

    I guess that's pretty much it from my perspective. I'll Add-On more if anything else comes to mind.
     
  5. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    For the record, Sheqheti:

    You do all of the things I mentioned very well. But then, you know that. :hearts4:

    Keep being the Queen that you are.

    PEACE
     
  6. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Wow Kem. You tell the truth, don't you. This is the straightforward honest assessment that I was looking for.

    I know we don't always see eye to eye on everything but there's a lot of respect for you here.

    Keep building,, brotha.
     
  7. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    I'm glad to here you say that, Sheqhem. I take nothing for granted.
     
  8. Moorfius

    Moorfius Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Have a open mind*

    Hotep

    Having a open mind does not mean that you draw strenth from knowing that you can rely on and depend on the white man to give me enough hell that I will be intemidated into doing what ever you say if and when you call him or compare me to him...or you can have him.
    Having a open mind is learning and growing youself into a mature person with insights that only your amazing spirituality can bring...and stop imitating the white woman because that is not what I want and certainly not who you are.
    believe in 'Me' so that I can believe in You...that is the secret of our combined strenth and power. If it takes a whole village to raise a child then it must first have to start with the self and then me your other self because we are each others counter parts and if we knew better there is no others except those like us who are the village. Know who you are and if you don't care then this is a waste of time. If you do care...you are the one for me and then I can love you for the rest of this life...we need each other if we only knew. Stand up and don't be afraid to be who you are and that is the Queen of the planet earth and Goddes of your universe. Be commited to the highest standards of civilization and don't act like or copy the europeans who alway try to make you look like and act a ho instead of the African Queen that you really are.

    Ase`
     
  9. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    Wow, this is so very well said.

    HOTEPU
     
  10. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Yes, we need each other. The white woman tells us to be independant. What she doesn't tell us is that being independant from my man means beings dependant on things--things that can be bought, sold and taxed. None of which can replace your essential presence.

    The purpose of this thread is to make that presence more pleasant, fruitful and uplifting.
     
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