Black People : When Someone Apologizes...What Do You Do?

Say what you will, and you might even mean it. But people don't forget. We may even have it tucked away someplace nice and deep in the shadows of our minds, but it's still there.

Personally, I really do forget. For myself, there's just too much to think about, to know, and to remember for me to hold onto things people are passed with me, by way of apology. If they are sorry, I let it go, permanently, and I save room in my memory for better things with them. It's too much to be remembering pain someone did to me, while trying to get everything else done. lol

No, it isn't just a switch of "*click, the memory is gone", but once I forgive, details of what they did slip away every hour and day until it doesn't come to mind anymore. Sure, they might do it again, whatever it is, but they sure won't have me holding it against them from the first time if I told them I forgave them.
 
I can let things go...I can forget, given what it was that I'm forgiving...Sure somethings reside in the subconscious...
but in terms of "forgetting", it means not bringing up the past...Not looking at them every time and still feeling distrust.
If you can't forget, then you're holding onto a grudge.
What is the point of forgiving someone if you still dwell on what they've done?

What does it mean to forgive?

for·give

/fərˈgiv/

Verb
  1. Stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
  2. Stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake).

IMO, forgiving someone can be just as meaningless as someone saying they're sorry but not really meaning it.
 
What is the point of forgiving someone if you still dwell on what they've done?

I agree. I've seen this done before; someone said they forgave, but then threw it in the person's face when they felt wronged by them in another manner. It's just not right; if you don't forgive a person, don't lie to them and say you do because now you're in the wrong! Let 'em know so they can at least be prepared for all the words you're going to spout about what they did.
 
I agree. I've seen this done before; someone said they forgave, but then threw it in the person's face when they felt wronged by them in another manner. It's just not right; if you don't forgive a person, don't lie to them and say you do because now you're in the wrong! Let 'em know so they can at least be prepared for all the words you're going to spout about what they did.

Exactly. If someone didn't murder a loved one of mines, steal from me...I'm pretty good at letting it go...As long as you genuinely mean that you are sorry, and show efforts to make amends for the wrong you cause, what benefit is there to hold onto the past?

We all make mistakes, time and time again...But it's about learning and moving on...

Sometimes we gotta build a bridge, and get over it.

Forgiving is just as much of a part of growth as is admitting one is wrong and apologizing.

They both show a level of maturity.

I just feel people hold others to higher standards than they hold themselves. They want people to forget their own mistakes, but don't want to forget the mistakes of others...and it just isn't a one-way street.

If I do something wrong to someone, and I come to them and apologize and mean it, and they don't forget and still feel some kind of way towards me...then it really isn't my problem...it becomes their problem...they have to deal with whatever feelings they have in their mind...I did what I had to do.
 
They both show a level of maturity.


Maturity and humility also. Takes a humble person to apologize and say they are wrong; also takes one humbled to accept the apology and not feel a need for vengeance on the same level or at all.

I just feel people hold others to higher standards than they hold themselves. They want people to forget their own mistakes, but don't want to forget the mistakes of others...and it just isn't a one-way street.

Exactly!! And uh...exactly!! People do this all of the time, and then act like it's no big deal! You hold people to the same standards! If you want them to forget right away, be willing in heart and of mind to do the same for what they do to you. I always do this, even when I feel my patience is low. I think about what if I did the same thing to them, and I was in their position(because often times, we can be in that position), and then I ease up and stop feeling so high and mighty of myself, but recognize my own faults so that I can better show my forgiveness just like I would want for myself.


If I do something wrong to someone, and I come to them and apologize and mean it, and they don't forget and still feel some kind of way towards me...then it really isn't my problem...it becomes their problem...they have to deal with whatever feelings they have in their mind...I did what I had to do.

True, which is why I would want them to forget whatever I had done to them, also. Not just so I could feel like I'm on easy streak, because I'll watch myself better next time as not to commit the same fault, but because I want them to have a peace of mind never to worry I'm going to wrong them again. Just as I don't want to crowd my mind, I don't want others crowding their minds with mistakes of others(including myself) either.
 

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