Black People : When Someone Apologizes...What Do You Do?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by MsInterpret, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    When someone says, "I'm sorry..." and they genuinely mean it....and you know it...
    Do you forgive them?
    Do you forgive them and forget it?
    or
    Do you forgive them, but still keep in mind what they did, by not forgetting?

    If you apologize to someone do you expect them to forgive and forget?

    When is a situation unforgivable? Or something you cannot forget?

    Can you truly forgive someone, if you still hold on to what they've done and never forget?
     
  2. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I forgive them.

    I forgive them and forget right away!

    I don't keep it in mind.

    I don't have moments of unforgivable deeds against me. I just normally remember history(like American slavery), not things done against me that are now apologized for.

    I don't believe you've fully forgiven a person if you hold onto what they've done against you all your life; it's like you're still expecting it of them or still count that as a piece of them. That's not forgiving. Now, sometimes it can be hard to forget, but when you think of the worst thing you've done to another, and how you'd like that to be forgotten, it becomes easier.
     
  3. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think it's just as hard to publicly admit that one is wrong and mean it...as it is hard to forgive AND forget. I think words are easy to say...but actions are hard to follow up with the words.
     
  4. Hdlr

    Hdlr Member MEMBER

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    I forgive. I do remember what they did but I don't hold any weight on it. If they screw up again in the same way as the first time, then that indicates to me that they may not be trustworthy.
     
  5. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's hard, undoubtedly. But because it's hard, that's why it's that much more special when a person can come to humbling themselves in such a manner. Admitting you're wrong is to come to some sort of vulnerability, and to do that before another shows humility through and through; if a person can't bring themselves to forgiving a person after them actually sincerely doing that, they'd have to be pretty hard hearted or distrusting.
     
  6. Kadijah

    Kadijah Banned MEMBER

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    In most cases, yes. In some cases, I just wish they'd go away. That's usually when they did me a wrong (lied on me, misjudged me and made me out to be "less" than I am, e.g., "oh she's only here because she can't "afford" to be there," or "did this because she's afraid to do that," etc.) and are "sorry" because they got caught, underestimated me, whateva.

    "Forgive but never forget" is my motto.

    I would hope they would forgive me, but I don't think I'd "expect" it. It's up the other person whether they want to forgive. As for "forget" I don't think so. Once you do something out of line, others' perceptions of you change, so "forgetting and everything going back to everything being the same" is prolly not going to happen.

    Yes, you can. The two, forgive AND forget, don't necessarily go together. If someone steals from you, then is sincerely sorry (sorry they had a lapse in moral judgment, not sorry they got caught), you are a fool to allow them into situations where they are "tempted" again. The only way you can prevent that, is by "remembering."
     
  7. candeesweet

    candeesweet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Reminds me of family fall outs. We have to take a person for who they are. When they apologize for usually somethings thts been done before(pushing them buttons), it turns out to be all in love. So just look at them and say "you will remember this" and wink!~
     
  8. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My definition of "forgive" is to stop thinking about the foulness that another person has perpetrated. That's it. Should they apologize, fine. Means nothing. It's just words. People DO things to hurt you, but atone for it with words? No. I never forget that that person is not to be trusted and treat them accordingly.

    This applies to everyone... including my man and my mama.
     
  9. candeesweet

    candeesweet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If we forget how to forgive well then we will never need forgiveness. Ya who! Weight lifted off.I see u treat them According to your attoned hate for them. It's about you and the happiness between yall right. Sometimes you have to go against the grain so to speak. For your sake. Lighten up or explain why your so unforgiving honestly. Everyone is their own person so if they hurt your feelings well they are speaking from their perception of the situation. Compromise and empathy.
     
  10. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    So you have decided that you are qualified to judge me? My ways and actions work for me, thanks.
     
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